On Sunday, May 3 2009, my world pretty much came crashing in. For the sin in my life had been exposed & the tremendous consequences were being realized.
I'd like to share how, in one of the deepest darkest moments of my life, God found a way to speak to me in a way that I'd recognize & accept.
I was sitting on my back deck & felt like Al Pacino in the movie Scarface. You remember? At the end of the movie his world falls apart - because of him - that was exactly what I was feeling...my world was falling apart because of me.
I felt alone...depressed...broken...confused...angry...lost...disoriented...etc... (you name it & if it's negative - that's what I probably felt that day). As I sat in that "funk" - kind of in a zombie mode - God decided to speak to me! Isn't that incredible!? That He would even care to speak to me at all...But anyway...
I'm an outdoor lover...I love nature. I've often found God moments in nature - so it doesn't surprise me that He'd use nature again to speak to me.
As I sat in a chair, slouched down to where my head was looking into the sky, a Dove came & landed out in front of me. So what - right? Well, I've never seen a dove in my backyard like that since I've lived in the house for 6 years. And not just a dove - a Mourning Dove. Next time you get a chance - listen to one - they sound very sad - like they are in mourning for something - or in this case - someone...As soon as it landed I thought "that's a strange place for a dove". Because I knew I had never seen one there before. Well, in a flash - about 6 - 8 more immediately landed all around the first one - like cued to a moment in time. And they all started mourning...crying...
So what - right...Blah blah blah blah...A bird landed in your yard...Well, you see - the Dove is symbolic of God's presence or Spirit.
It rocked my world deep inside me. A dam broke from within as I started to cry deep from within. Not tears of remorse - they had been flowing until about tapped out.
No...these tears were
tears of being loved when you feel like you are the most unlovable person on the planet at that time...
tears of being amazed that God would care to "send me a message"...
tears of how amazing grace really is...
tears of - you have got to be kidding me right now...do you know what I've done - did you send them to the right person?
In that moment, I heard God whisper something very deep to me...
Bob - I weep for you right now...I weep with you...I weep over you...
Bob - I too am broken today...my hearts broken too...
Bob - My presence is with you - even now...
Bob - it's true - I'll never leave you nor forsake you...
I'm telling you - it was a mark your calendar kind of moment...It was a moment that transcends everything of earth & is driven into your spirit. A moment that no one & nothing can ever take from me...
When the doves cried - I'll never forget the way God reached out to me when I needed it most - again...
So...
Another step...
14 comments:
Bob, thanks for sharing such an awesome moment! All our best, Jim
This is beautiful. The Best thing I have learned from you is to hate the SIN not the SINNER. You have always and will always be a huge part of my life, I would never have been saved if not for God calling me to Faith Alive and for him working threw you! And I really feel like God wants you to remember that!
I'm praying for you Bobby, for Shawn, your kids, I want you to soar, I want your family to be whole. God will restore, He did it for us He'll do it for you.
Love & Prayers
C.Oviatt
On December 8th 2007 my world came crashing in at my own hands. I sat in your office the very next day pouring out my sin where you helped me on several fronts Legal/Mental/Spiritual and started me on my own journey. You have never judged me nor treated me any different and I thank you for that. I know that my journey has brought me closer to Jesus as I know yours will. I too have had many experiences along my journey where God let me know he was right with me. Journey well.....
P.B. , over the years you touched so many lives and helped so many come to know Jesus. It was always the house of the LORD led by Pastor Bob and I never saw it as anything else. You never claimed to be perfect and there was never "more of Bob then GOD" in any of your sermons.
You once said "hurt people , hurt people" that was from the "Wounds Of The Heart" sermon years ago. Some people that are hurt just aren't being too kind to you now. But people like us remain loyal to our beloved Pastor of 6 years...
Thanks for all these great years of being our teacher!
My husband and I were raised in the C.O.G. and we ministered in different capacities in the church forever until....our marriage underwent things we NEVER thought we would have issues with...similar to yours and our lives changed...My husband and I know the feelings you speak of..we never told you in so many words what brought us to FAM from our home church... but the very first service we were there my husband cried out at the alter..and though we didn't speak the words as to why we were in sooo much pain... it was as if you knew...and your words PB carried us when we couldn't even crawl...you may not even remember but you made it a point the following Sunday to let us know that we were on your mind during that week and you were praying for us...when both of us felt as low and unlovable as it is possible to feel...Our marriage was reconciled by God through FAM and we thank you for that...I'm amazed daily by the exceedingly abundant love that our Lord has for us...hold on to every special moment He blesses you with...I know it sounds crazy but the journey for you and Shawn will have rocks placed in the path at the most unexpected moments .. you both have to remember not to pick them up or if you accidently find one in hand...not to throw it, but to place it back on the ground out of site... hold on to your doves...because He loves you both sooo much, after He allows you both time to mourn as He has... He will turn your mourning into dancing...when He does you guys hold on to each other and NEVER stop dancing...for the rest of your lives here on this earth....hold on....Love yall!!!!!!!
Chuck and I love you very much. We see you know different than any of us. We have all fallen short.... Grace and Mercy is what Jesus is all about. It what you taught us through His word. I will pray for those who have forgotten this. I pray one day you will take this blog and turn it into a book. It really moves me and brings me to tears.
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
When I declared not my sin, my body wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Thy hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to Thee,
and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, "I will confess my
transgressions to the Lord";
Then Thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let every one who is godly offer prayer to Thee.
—Psalm 32:1-6.
We love you both very much and do not see you any differently. God is an awesome God. He is a God of restoration, A God of healing, A God of forgiveness, A God of love... don't you forget it. I have been carying around a stone and if anyone starts to gossip I hand them the rock and say you must be without sin, here a stone cast it at them. This seems to remind then the grace God has given them on their walk.... they will need that same grace over and over again. We will never be totally without sin. That is why our Lord dies for us. I will think of you and shawn when I see the doves in our back yard. I will remember that he mourns for us when we are hurt. Is has been a really bad year for me, but I still hold my head hight because I know He is with me.
Kim
Anyone who says God isn’t awesome needs to read this blog. He shows up at just the right moment and does things that can only be attributed to God. He knows exactly what to do and when to do it to show He is with us and in control of every situation. We are continuing to remember you and your family in our prayers. We love you guys. God bless!
PB, how awesome is it to witness the love of God in miraculous ways. I think of you each day and pray for the love of God to surround your family and your life. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Pastor Bob,
Thanks for sharing your awesome experienceGod is totally amazing-surprises us when we aren't really looking. Wow!! I am keeping you & your family in prayer, sure do miss your smiles & humor!! God Bless!!
PB, I wanted to share how this entry ministered to me. I know that God answers prayers - my life is a living testamony to that. I had to stay for the 2nd service that morning to meet a friend I had invited. I didn't want to stay. It was too much just being there, I thought. But I stayed and went to the altar with my friend.
While praying, I had vision of you in a backyard - just as you described. I went to my face and asked God to find you and wrap you in His love. I asked Him to find a way to let you know that our tears were because of your tears, our brokeness was because you were broken. I asked that you be able to feel God's love and our love, to give you hope. When I read this entry, I was moved to tears by the goodness and faithfulness of our God, how He will find His children when we call out to Him.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with the rest of us. I pray that you know how it ministers to a lot of us. My family will continue to pray for you and your family.
Brought tears to my eyes as I read this. God is so Awesome!! Love You!! Journey On!!
Pb, I was very touched by this portion of your journey.I also have God moments with nature since I was a little girl . You see I grew up on the land where Faith Alive now is.I use to run up and down and chase butterflies in the field where Faith alive is now..That land has always been my little piece of Heaven to me and my family. Their are four generations of love and hard work in that land. When I was a little girl I use to take walks with my Grandparents along the woods there where F.A. is now. . My Grandmother was a very spritual lady and I'm sure she said a many a prayer over that land as we walked and observed nature. Anyway,what I'm leading to is a dream I had when I was a teenager that I had to share with you. I was in my mothers house(the one you see directly behind the back parking lot) Im sure you remember before F.A was built there was a hedge running along close where the church is now.. well, in my dream there were all these people walking along this hedge and I took a closer look and all these people were following someone in a beautiful white robe and I knew right then by the way He had this glow and from the way I felt it was Jesus.This image has stayed with me all these years .I didn't know it at the time but God had a plan and a purpose for my familys land and from the dream I had He's not finished with it yet. You see , my connection to Faith alive goes so deep.. We miss you and love you! You hang in there!God will pull you through this..
Dear PB,
We are so sorry for all that has happened. We are not silent because of a lack of forgiveness, love or support. That is yours as well as for all the others affected. Our silence is to allow all of those personally needing a regrouping time to have that.
We thank you for all you have taught us and for sticking with the truth of God's word. "Uncle Jimmy" said to tell you he has your back. Our prayers are with your family and all of FAM. We do not throw stones, we have enough aimed our way and we have our own struggles in allowing God to convict and change us, without Him it is impossible. [at least for me] None of us are "flies on the wall" of the lives of others and none of us are without sin.
God has used you and I am sure will continue to use you. He uses all of us who will allow it. All of us are human and we all need other humans. Thank you for putting a human voice to teaching us and helping us to grow. Boy would we love to be able to have some one on one time, with you. We have so many questions and struggles!
Oh, and Mourning Doves visit my yard often, along with, Canadian Geese, Rabbits, Herons, even Woodchucks, Foxes and more. My backyard is my private place with God and a place I love to share with others. I wish you all could see it!
May God Bless you and keep you and your family as well as FAM.
Love, Tracie and Jimmy
Post a Comment