Is Facebook Real?

Is FB real?  Is it symbolic?  Is it representative of life?

It's just something I've been tossing around for a while...actually - quite a while.

So, writing some of my thoughts will help me process 'em.  Also, I might get some feedback on it as well.

So.

Is it real or not?  Does it represent real life friends or is it some electronic place that is not like life at all.

Obviously, I don't mean is it real, as in, is it really there.  Of course, it's real in that regard.

What I mean is: How much does it, or doesn't it, represent "friendships" that really do, or don't, exist in life.

Simply meaning - does friends on FB = friends in life?

For example, the ability to "rate" or categorize your friends list on FB.  You can put someone in "acquaintances" "friends" "close friends" or, of course, "family".  Oh yea, I forgot, they can be automatically categorized into the "city" you live in too.  That makes it so easy.  So, the catagorizing ability, is that real?  What's your philosophy for deciding the category they go into?  Is it related to actually how much you do or don't like them?  Or is it related to their posts?

I mean, what if they put you into the acquaintances category...and you put them into the "close friend" category.  Does that matter?  You thought you were close friends - they think you're only acquantinces.  Is that real?  Does it matter?  Or, is it no big deal at all.  Just wondering.

Also.

The ability to delete...unsubscribe...OR even block some people.  I just learned about the latter...to be honest - that's funny to me.  To go to the length of "typing in their FB name" so they won't see you & you won't see them = funny.  But, it must be real.  It certainly warrants the question, even more, is that real?  Not the "ooooohhhh, I blocked you"...rather, the "really...you're taking it that serious - so it must be real."

But, the easier one - "unsubscribe".  You can "unsubscribe" & "they don't know".  They, whoever they are, still think they are your friend...but you don't "subscribe" to their stuff anymore.  It's like a secret "no harm - no foul" thingy.  They think there's more to it than there really is...but, you know that's not the case.  Is that real or not?

I get the "unsubscribe" from some people for sure.  Some people put their entire life on here & I don't want to know all of that about you...it's TMI x10.  I mean, it's not like we would have all that info flying around at Starbucks if we were talking, would we?  Or, when some people "update their status", I feel like someone either puked on my computer or sent some "R rated" message to me.  I just don't want to have all that "in my face".  I get that.  Hence, unsubscribe.

Or, some people "can't be found" on FB.  You know they are in there...see their stuff from time to time - but they don't want to be found.  Is that real?  Do they need some "social counseling" because they "stay to themselves too much"?  Or is it - just FB stuff.

Another funny.  Some "non friend" posting on your cloud.  That = game.  That = funny.

Now, for us (Shawn & me) & our extremely difficult & complex FB etiquette.

You may or many not know that FB was something we detested for many reasons for the last few years.  However, eventually we gave in & ventured into the big social media thing via FB & wow, are we glad we did.

It's been so good for us.  Seriously, it's been great.

We have re-connected with so many people - that we had no ability to do so with before.  Many have "become" friends on FB...on this alone, I'm not sure how real it is - but we take it as being pretty real.  Symbolic, at least, of some positive gesture that mean something good to us.  We've noted many people that have "friended" us.  Also, we don't really think about or worry about "those that don't"...we don;t have enough time nor energy to worry about that silliness.

But, we have ONE FB rule that we pretty much live by.

We don't friend request anyone...

Yep, we don't "request a friendship" anyone.  (NOTE - we have done this 2 or 3 times on VERY specific situations).  Real or not, in this regard, we have treated FB as being real.  What I mean is, if we see you in life, we don't know where you are in "wanting to be our (my) friend or not, so, unless you say hi...come across the room...make some positive gesture, we just don't go there.  So, in that regard - it's real for us.  We have held to that "rule" in FB.  It just seems right for both us...and probably for others as well.

Is FB real or, Is it symbolic?  Does it represent the people in, or not in, our life.  If we are or aren't friends on FB - are the same in life?

Do we employ that much thinking to it?

Or, is FB just some really cool & easy way of staying up with people you care about enough to stay in touch with at some level...no more & no less.  And, for others, you just don't want to know their life status or info.  I mean - it might really be nothing more & nothing less than social media.

hmmmmmmmmm

Anyway - I am really writing this to get some feedback from others.  So - let me/us know how seriously you do or don't take FB & all the intricacies involved.

hit comments & share your FB thoughts...

b

A Defining Moment...

Well.

This one hit me after the fact.

That might be the case for a lot of defining moments.  But this one seems a little different.

I knew what the day had in store for me.  I knew the opportunity was coming.  I knew all the pieces that were a part of it.

So, none of that was a surprise.

It was during the ride home when it hit me.

I'm talking about the opportunity that was given to me, by Courtney McBath, to speak for his Men's Group at Calvary Revival Church.

To say it was a great opportunity - is quite an understatement.  It was quite a day.

I'll give ya an idea of what the breakfast looked like.

1st, it's called Bring Your Own Breakfast.  Each man does exactly that...brings their breakfast.  Calvary Revival supplies juices...water...etc.

2nd, there were about 300 - 400 men there today.  Most were from Calvary Revival Church (CRC), but Genesis was represented well too.  Thanks guys.  Courtney had told me there would be 80 - 100 men there.  Needless to say, the attendance alone was awesome...and a little unsettling for me since I hadn't done anything like that for a few years.

3rd, we started with a song of worship (Falling in Love with Jesus...is the best thing I've ever done).  True.

Then, Bishop McBath came up & talked a few minutes & introduced me as "his brother & his friend".

Awesome - not because he said it.  Because he lives it.  He has truly been my friend (& Shawn's) throughout it ALL.  So, when he said he was my friend, I was nodding my head in agreement.  Yes, he walks what he talks.

I came up & shared "the story"...my/our story.  Yup, I did.  The good, bad & the ugly.

I'm not sure they saw it coming...but they all came to hear Bob's Story.

The Theme I was handed for the day was, "God NEVER Gives Up On You."

We closed in prayer, both Courtney & I praying over the men.

It was life changing for many of them - as well as myself.

Praise God.

But the defining moment thing.

It kind of side swiped me on the ride home.

As I relived the morning...thinking through the pieces...the men that came by to talk a little more...etc.

It dawned on me.

Courtney, was & is the 1st Minister & Ministry outside of our own, to, in ANY way, validate us again.

He is the 1st Minister to put his words to action.

He is the friend that lived out what he "prayed for", for both Shawn & me.

When I realized, that he had taken the chance to walk beside me as a friend AND a Minister today...it got to me - bad.

Tears were flowing.

I felt humbled...knowing ONLY God could put all that together.

I felt proud of God & Shawn (& my kids & friends)...knowing what it took to get us to this place.

I felt like something had been won back...knowing how much I had lost.

YES

Today will definitely be a day I will never forget.  The day, a friend & a brother took a chance...and because of that - my life & many more will never be the same.

Thanks Courtney & CRC Men...you made a difference in my life & for that I'm eternally grateful.

peace

b

HEY YOU...

At the risk of sounding a bit narcissistic...

I'd like to know who is following this blog...from where & if I do or don't know ya personally.

Really, I just want to know how God is using this blog.

I've chronicled a long journey thus far & will continue to do so...I will continue to share my journey - inclusive of our marriage...home...family...ministry...etc, as deemed helpful in that regard.

AND, by the numbers blogger tracks - it looks like it has become pretty far reaching.

Which, IMO, is part of what this is meant to be anyway...a ministry that lets each of us know that we can get back up...we can recover...we can live again.

So...

If ya don't mind - either on comments below or on fb - reply accordingly...I think it's set up so that you can simply click on "Add/post a comment" below & reply.  That would be great...


I don't need anything real detailed - just a 1st name...city...& how we know each other - if we do or not.  If you'd like to add any further comments - that would be great too.

It would mean a lot for you to reply...


Please & thanks...

bob

Chick-Fil-A & 107 People Without Food

So


Yesterday I was at Chick-Fil-A with Shawn, Ashton & Taylor.  And, like usual, we said a prayer before eating.


Only, I got a little messed up in the prayer.  Not as in, messing up the words.  Rather, in giving thanks for "this food".


This food consisting of nothing special...a chicken sandwich & fries.


But, what messed me up was this.  About the time I was going to say "thanks for this food", I remembered where we were going that same evening...to feed the homeless.  IE those without food.


FOOD - the staple of life...they don't have any.  No matter their story - they have NO FOOD.


So.


As I got to the "thanks for this food" part - rather than being the words we always say...it was in the moment of thinking about those that have NONE.  That got to me.


For maybe the 1st time in a long time - I really meant "thanks for this food".  Saying it wasn't a routine...habit...the right thing to do.  No, this time it was really from a place of gratitude.


Then later that same evening...we went to "feed those that have none".


107 of them to be exact on this night.


I'll introduce you to a few of them...


Joe - a guy in his mid 20's.  His hair - not really in dreads, more like crumpled mess.  "Where ya from Joe?"  Norfolk was his answer.  I couldn't help but wonder "what's his story"?  His last words as he walked out the door "I'm just trying to stay warm man.  Thanks for the food".


A Family of 4.  Husband, Wife & 2 sons.  The youngest boy - maybe about 8.  Hardly tall enough to reach the drinks being served.  So to reach out to him the best we could at that time - we gave him TWO (2) cookies instead of the normal ONE (1).  They looked like completely normal people - everyday people...only they have No FOOD to eat.


Dan.  He came up to me & asked could he talk with me.  He's 40.  He's been out of jail for 2 weeks.  Already has a job...trying to recover from "a bad mistake".  He was humbled to the point of being  embarrassed.  He's "looking for a better job...needs a break".


Or the guy who ate extra beans - because they are "the real nutrition for the cold"...


Or the guy who said "they were the best beans he has ever eaten there".


Or the lady who said the same about the potatoes.


Or all the people who said "they had never been served BBQ" there before.  It was "one of the best meals they had in a long time".


Or the man who drank 2 cups of tea - "to keep hydrated".


They came by & thanked us "for the food".


They offered their "bless you's" to US!


So


Today, as I thanked God for my food - I prayed for those that have none.


Realizing - my prayers won't feed them...we have to do that.  We are the answer to the prayers.


I will go back & help feed them again...them being "those without food".


Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do [it] to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me. - Jesus


peace


b

The GAINS...Real Conversations - No Bull

Back to some things I've gained in the last couple years...

I'm not sure why...But, one of the areas that has definitely changed is the depth of conversations I have & the depth of questions I now ask or answer.

I'm not sure how to explain this...

But, what I'm specifically speaking of is, not being afraid to ask or answer the questions really needing asked or answered.

Kind of a No Bull allowed thing...

An example...

You know how it feels when you are talking to someone having a really bad moment in life.  You know...they know...you both know you know.  Yet, you don't go there...you don't talk about it...you don't ask...they don't bring it up...that awkward feel - knowing you're avoiding something - but you just avoid it...and you talk about stuff that really doesn't matter.  Do you know what I'm trying to describe?

Anyway - I think we have all been there.

Well.

That's the stuff I am no longer avoiding.  The questions or conversations needing to be dealt with.  I go there.  Or, I allow others to go there.

It seems very real.  Very honest.  It feels like a breath of fresh air when it happens.

It's like you & they both feel relieved...free...connected...

The irony to it is - by going there, you feel more connected to that person...more in touch with where they really are in life...their story...their struggle...Or yours for that matter.

You feel more alive...more human...more caring...more _________ (something significant goes here).

Why is it a GAIN?  because, I used to not go there.  I'd leave that moment - feeling like something was missing.  Feeling like there was a void in what had just happened.

Not anymore.

NOW

Without having to force anything...it just happens.  Naturally so.

Maybe before - part of it was I either didn't care to hear it...was in too much of a hurry...was somewhere else in my thoughts...or something.

Also, I'd make it hard for people to ask the real questions or answer as superficially as possible at times.

You know what I'm talking about.  Knowing you either didn't ask (for whatever reason) or didn't answer (for whatever reason) the things really needing talked about.

NOW

I've learned to live in the moment.  To be there - all there.

I don't have this down completely - but when it happens...it's way cool.

Still growing...

b

The Power of Focus

I'm not sure if it's focus only that I am speaking of, or the lack of distractions as well.  I think it's both...


When you have this "focus" in your life, it provides incredible energy.


Focus = 


Clarity...


Being sure...


Confidence...


Zeal...


Ambition...


Desire...


Readiness...


Prioritization...


Pruning...


Unavailable for "less"...


Vision...


Dreams...


I don't mean focus provides one, two or three of these things.  No, I mean focus provides each of these things and so much more.


There's a moment in Alice in Wonderland, where Alice asks the Cheshire Cat for direction.  It goes like this:


Alice: Tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don't much care where.

Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.

Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

How often do we do life just like that?  Without direction?

That can't & won't happen when you're focused.  I say can't & won't because, you won't allow it.  Focus screams for purpose & intentionality.

I'm sure some people say there's a formula for focus...and there might be.  I don't know.

Here's what I know.  When you minimize all the "garbage...trash...sins...lesser stuff...mediocrity...whiners...excuses...& whatever else needs to be on this list" - then there's nothing left but focus.

Too often we give our best energy to all the crap that simply steals our best from us.  And, too often we don't even know...other than by this gut feeling that says "is this all there is to life..."?

Here's the other side of the same coin.  God has a plan for each of us.

He has promised to direct us...order our life...show us the plan...help us stay in it...

SO

Though I don't want to rush the Christmas season & all the great moments from now til the end of 2011.

BUT

I cannot wait until 2012.

God has given me an incredible focus & has gotten me/us to where the "less" has been displaced & is in the past.

Feeling the power of focus in many areas of life...it's a great way to see again.

peace...

b

The COST...the GAINS...

Time to switch gears...

BUT

Before I do.  I want to say that the blogs on COST was not meant to be an exhaustive list of costs.  The ones I wrote about, were the ones that just seemed to be in my heart & were the ones I could most easily write about at this time.  I did try writing about other areas (finances & opportunities...) but they just didn't come together after several attempts...so I am moving on...

The thing that has been in my heart while writing the COST has been the other side of the same coin...the new OPPORTUNITIES in our life.

So...

I will follow that train of thought & see where we end up.

I'll start here...

In spite of how hard this restoration...rebuilding...renewal process has been...out of it has come some of the most incredible insights & discoveries I've had in my life.

One of the most significant is - God's incredibly deep work He's done in my life.  When I say I am not who I used to be - that is not a cliche...it's not some remark used flippantly...it's not something to say because it seems like it should be said.  No, it is exactly what it's called - God's incredible work deep within me.

It's not that God didn't always want to do this in me (or anyone else as far as that is concerned).  It's that, for whatever reason(s), I never let it happen.  Why?  I have no idea.  Well, actually I might have an idea or two, but that's all they are - ideas.

Did it take this mess to allow God to do this work?  Apparently for me, yes.  I wished I had taken a different path years ago, but it didn't happen.

BUT

Thank God - I truly am not who I used to be.

There were times along the way that I could "feel" God doing a work in my heart.   There were other times, that something simply changed within me.

I hate the COST & losses...

I love the GAIN within.

I love who God has made me to be.

SO...

With that said.

Thank you God for being gracious to me...thank you God that where sin did abound - your grace did much more abound...thank you God for being all that you are in my life...my marriage...my home...my family...and, the ministry you've allowed me back into.

I'm grateful that because of God...Shawn...my family...my friends - that I didn't bail on this process...that God gained access to somewhere within that needed changed...that we stayed with it...until.

I love love love knowing deep within how much you, God, have done within me.

excited & pressing on...

b

The COST of Credibility...Can I Be Trusted?

Now, some more nitty gritty talk about the COST of my sins...

Specifically, the cost of ministry credibility & the ability to trust me again.

1st regarding whether or not I'll have a credible ministry again or not.

It seems there are 2 completely opposite schools regarding whether or not I should ever be in ministry again...Perhaps, I should say that I am familiar with there being 2 groups.

The group on one side - believe I get another chance at ministry.

The group on the other side, think my time is over...I no longer have a right to be in ministry.

1 group believes God's grace is the same for a me as it is anyone else.  The other group believes that the accountability is different & once I sinned, I lost my right to ever be in ministry again.

And I have to say, the lines are drawn.  There is no gray between the 2 opinions.  There is no switching sides...the sides are set & they are adamantly opposed to one another.  It's like the Hatfield's & McCoys...they not only disagree...it's not stretching it to say, some on one side don't even like those on the other side - all because of which side they are on regarding Bob.  I'm not talking about the public, or the un-churched...I'm talking about those in the church...

NOTE - Regarding those in the church & those not, they see 2 different stories played out as well.  One side sees my, or our, story as HOPE...then the other side, I simply gave them more ammo to the HYPOCRISY in the church.  Again, both are valid - depending on which side you are looking from.

So ya know, I've studied both sides...both are equally convinced that they are right.  As for me, I know which side I've always fell on with ANYONE, whether it was friends...family...staff... or ministers...it's nothing new, I've always been a grace giver...always will be.  However, it seems that receiving it (or allowing yourself to receive it) is a whole different story than giving it.

Both of these groups are comprised of friends...family...ministers...as well as people I've never met.  I can't argue for or against either side...I take it as it is now.  It's part of the COST.

But...I think that there's another issue at hand in this too.

And that's trust.

To me, Credibility & Trust, are like brothers...they go hand in hand.

Can I be trusted?  Will I sin again?  Is it only a matter of time - before something happens again?  These are NOW all valid questions.

As we all know, trust is a fragile thing.  Once broken, with anyone, it's hard to earn back.  And truth is, some never do and/or some never get the chance.

That's where I think a lot of people really land - can Bob be trusted...or "do I want to trust Bob again?"...or they just never go there - meaning trust was broken - end of story.  Truth is, trust has been broken, & with some, I'll never have a chance of earning it back at any level...not only in ministry, but at any friendship level as well.

That's the COST of my sins.  I gave all rights up to ask/expect/want people to trust me - ever again.

When you are a people person, like I am, that's where the loss is felt most in this area...knowing that there are people, once close to me...once in this together...once trusting me...& I ruined all that.  Knowing that, with many people I honestly care deeply about, there will not be a Sunday visit to see what's going on at Genesis...because of...Bob.

Though, yes, I was a full blown sinner...that doesn't mean my heart was all bad, or that I didn't or don't care about people that were in my life.  Actually, that would make it easier - having a cold & hardened heart...then I really wouldn't care or feel anything in this regard.  But, that's not what I feel at all...I feel loss.

So.

To the group that has taken the risk of trusting me again...or that has offered me a 2nd chance...Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I have learned that each & every one of you in my life (& Shawn's) is a gift...given back to me (us).  It remains to be seen what it will all mean...or why God allowed me to do this again...

To the others, it still kills me to know the hurt I caused so many of you.  I can't argue for my cause...as a matter of fact, I haven't & won't.  I don't think I have that right.  If you choose to come into my, or our, life at any level, I will cherish that opportunity.  If you choose not to, I understand.  I have to do my best to honor that, as part of the cost...to remind myself that I did this & you didn't...AND keep moving forward realizing this is how it will be - forever.

That's the COST of my sins regarding the ministry I feel God has called us back into.  It shows up at times on Sundays, when for whatever reason, I hope one of ya might come out...to see what God is up to...yet deep within, I know you're not coming at all.  It's part of the COST.

So, though God has been gracious enough to pick me up & allow me back into ministry...it will never be the same...ever.  It doesn't mean it will be ineffective or that it doesn't matter...it simply means it will never be the same.  It's part of the COST.

(Note - I fully expect Genesis to be an incredible ministry.  It already is - we are experiencing that every Sunday...God is definitely with us - again.)

peace

b

ps - I loved being your Pastor & I hate that I will never be that again...that's what I'm trying to say.

The COST in my Marriage. I Love you Babe.

Ironically, I thought that writing these blogs on COST would come quite easy...well, the 1st one - yes...so far, the rest - not so much.

So...I'll try for the xth time to write the 2nd COST...my marriage.

Yet, it's hard to go back to innumerate cost - because my marriage NOW is SO good...in wonderful ways.

But, at the same time, this blog series, is partly saying "this is the cost - don't do it."  So, I'd be amiss if I didn't talk about the cost of my sin in my marriage.

What did my sin cost me, Shawn & my marriage?

I think I'll get further by naming the areas I destroyed...rather than trying to explain them.  So, most of these will simply be line items...they speak for themselves.

The COST:

I destroyed Shawn's trust in me as her husband & as a man.  Rather than protecting her (in all sense of the word) I deeply hurt her (in all senses of the word).  I'll never forget what that felt like.

I crushed her heart.  The heart that is so full of love for me - that one.

I embarrassed her with all the people that knew us & even those that didn't.

I demeaned her as a lady.  She's never been anything but a lady.

I took her esteem & threw it out with my sin.

I devalued her as the mother of my children.

My actions, speaking louder than words, told her she was not loved.

I placed a big fat question mark over our entire marriage.

I jaded her.

I made her cry.

I made her sad.

I lied to her - many times over.

I'm sure if she was doing the typing right now, the list wouldn't end...but I think I'll end here.

So...

Where are we now?  Here's the irony...we, now, have the greatest marriage we have ever had - period.

We just celebrated our 25th anniversary...that's a miracle!

We worked through some extremely tough conversations...until healing was found.

We learned to be friends.

We do life together now.

We renewed our vows.

We are closer than ever - in all sense of the word.

Everything that was lost has been restored...and then some.

We are connected now at an intimate level within.

We know how to find the peace & work until we do.

We are in love.

We celebrate our love.

Our home is full of laughter...life...love...

We live in the light.

We honor each other in meaningful ways.

We are both happy & participate to make each other happy.

So...

Do I regret being such a crappy husband for so many years...absolutely.

But, truth is, God has helped me find healing in a place it never existed before.  That happened because of Shawn's incredible love...A God sent counselor...Some friends who never gave up on me/us...God's grace.  I am not that man I used to be...I am not the husband I was for so long...

I wish I could undo all the things I did...I can't.  But, I am so grateful that we made it through...

The best is yet to come.

Thanks babe.

I Love you.

b

The COST of Friends...I Miss You Guys

This blog can now be found at my new site - Journey

Here's the link to it thanks for reading it...mark the new site...

The COST...of Sin...My Sin...

So...

Lately a series of Blogs has been running through my brain regarding the cost of sin...in particular - my sin...

So, for the next several blogs I'll be writing about exactly that - the realized cost of my sin.

1st, I want to address nothing more than the subject of COST.

As idiotic as it may sound or seem, it's something you either never consider or you think you can cheat...or get away with...something like that anyway.  You just never really consider ALL the costs associated with the cost.  You never really think through all the costs...I'm not sure you can.  Maybe even if you do/could, you again lie to yourself & think you'll be able to cheat it again or something...I don't know - all I know is if you really really knew all the ways your sin would end up costing you - I don't think you could ever come to the conclusion of it being worth it.  Maybe that's part of the sin, it finds ways to lie to you...deceive you...lull you into a sleep...something, again, I'm not really sure.

The costs have been horrendous to be blunt.  And, horrendous is not a word that over states it either.

Some of the realized tangible costs have been:

Marriage.

Home.

Family.

Friends.

Public image.

Ministry.

Minister friends.

Opportunities.

Income.

Security.

Some of the Non-tangible costs:

Confidence.

Credibility.

Fearful.

Trust.

Uncertainty.

Second guessing.

Suspicious.

Love.

Joy.

Peace.

Harmony.

Note - this is not an exhaustive list.  It simply represents some of the things that are on my heart at this moment of the journey.  I'll take several of these in the days ahead & elaborate on them accordingly.  I'm not sure if I'll cover all of them or some of them.  But, it's definitely safe to say, that some of these are really on my heart & will definitely be covered in some detail.

I'm not really sure why some of them have gotten so heavy in my heart of late, but they have.  As this blog has largely been a part of the Journey I have taken towards healing & restoration...I feel that's part of what this is all about - healing.  Whether it's some things I need to say for myself or for others to hear, I'm not sure...time will tell.

peace

b

Labels Tell the Biggest Lie (by Mike Foster)

A blog I copied from Mike Foster (People of the Second Chance)

My dignity as Abba's child is my most coherent sense of self-- Brennan Manning

In January 1998, Monica Lewinsky found herself in way over her head. Her face was on the front page of every newspaper, and each new day seemed to bring one more humiliation.  She was 25 years old – and caught in a presidential sex scandal.  She had no idea what was coming.

Today, at the age of 38, she’s still caught.  Single, alone, and running out of options, she’s the butt of jokes, the object of stares – the easy sexual punchline.  Seventeen years later. 

Most of us are not former presidential interns.  Most of us haven’t had our decisions scrutinized by pundits and talk-show hosts.  And most of us haven’t had an affair with the most powerful man on the planet. We’re nothing like Ms. Lewinsky.  Or are we?

How many of us live with embarrassment about secrets that got out?  Or betrayal from past lovers and friends?  Or fear that someone will recognize us as a fraud?  Or hopelessness, brought on by repeated failures?  I’m willing to bet Ms. Lewinsky knows what that’s like, and I’m willing to bet more than a few of us do too. 

Those of us caught in embarrassment, betrayal, fear, and hopelessness are living with a label that lies.We live branded by things that happened years – maybe even decades – before. And as a society, we are 100% percent OK with letting that label stick.  

Maybe you’ve heard or said things like:

“He’s the pastor that...”

“Isn’t she the one that...”

“Remember, he's the pervert youth pastor that...”

In our desperate need to understand each other and place people in context, we attach permanent labels – usually from the dirtiest and most controversial part of the story.  Sometimes the label is attached to others, and sometimes it is a label we believe about ourselves.  Either way, the label lies, strips away our complex humanity, and falls short of describing who we really are.    

Grace is the second chance that erases labels for others, and it’s the permission to move on that we give ourselves. And yet, grace is so scarce.  It’s disappearing, and its disappearance is leaving an army of wounded “has-beens” and “screw-ups” in its wake. 

In grace’s absence, we instead choose to label.  Our culture thrives on devouring the Monica’s, the Haggard’s, and the Michael Vick’s, replaying their past mistakes for a quick fix of pleasure and entertainment. It makes us feel good to think that people have flaws worse than ours; it feeds the insecurity caused by our own labels.

So what can we do?  For one thing, we can stop kicking people when they’re down.  We can start skipping the water cooler, deleting the emails, and raising our voice on behalf of second chances.  When someone seeks to label another soul, we can speak up on their behalf.

We can start risking our own “personal brand” to encourage the downtrodden and defend life’s outcasts. In fact, People of the Second Chance was started to do just that – tear down the labels of a Vulture Culture and replace them with a culture of grace and second chances. 

Of course, this is all utterly impossible if we can’t rediscover our own identity in grace.  Giving someone a second chance starts with giving ourselves a second chance.  It means stripping away the labels that we wear and finding the truth of who we are in grace.  I’m sorry, but you can’t give what you haven’t first received. The strength to forgive others and forgive ourselves comes from finding our identity as the one God forgave first.  In the face of that grace, labels are shattered.  In the face of that grace, dehumanization crumbles.  And in the face of that grace, someone like Monica Lewinsky stops being the punchline.

Mike Foster is the Co-Founder/Executive Director of People of the Second Chance and is the author of Gracenomics: Unleash the Power of Second Chance Living.

What's the Score? Winning or Losing?

What's the score?  Specifically - in the game of life.

What I mean is - do you have an overall feeling of winning or losing in life?  I think it's something we all have a feeling for...somewhere deep within - I'm not sure if it's felt - like in our heart or soul...or if it's known somewhere in our mind.  No matter, we have a sense of how we are doing...

I guess part of knowing is in how we personally keep score.  Again, whether we know it or not, we all keep some type of score in life.

I think we all have some sort of value system...IMO - it's pretty personal/subjective...unique even.

What I mean, we all have a personal list of what we REALLY care about...for some it's a few things & for others it's a lot of things.  But, it's those things on the list that we use to score how we are doing, specific to our life & not compared to anothers'.

I think we survey all the pieces (all the things on the list), add them up within & tally a score.  That score is what gives us some sense of winning or losing.

The challenge - score it right...score things that matter most...major in the majors...don't allow things that really matter most to get lost behind things that really don't matter at all...know the score at all times & know when to make some adjustment in whatever area needed.

So, if you have this feeling in the pit of your gut that says "something is not working right"...then, find out what it might be tied to & adjust accordingly.

God has a wonderful plan for each of our lives...we find it when we follow the peace He gives us - somewhere within that feels like "winning or losing" in life.  I think He places this internal guidance system within that is meant to guide us to the abundant life...follow the peace.

b

Below is an article written by Sean McDowell regarding the costs of porn.  It's a "Hard hat & safety glasses required" article.

Pornography is tearing apart the fabric of our society. You may think this is an overstatement. After reading, “The Social Costs of Pornography” by the Witherspoon Institute, I think it may be anunderstatement.

In 2008, the Witherspoon Institute sponsored the first multidisciplinary exploration of the social costs of pornography. Scholars from various fields including philosophy, psychology, and medicine were included in the forum. Every major shade of religious belief was represented, including Christianity, Judaism, Islam, agnosticism, and atheism. And both the left and right in American politics were present. They all agreed that there is a substantial multidimensional, empirical record of the harms pornography brings to society. Obviously, such agreement is rare.

Today’s pornography is different from any in the past in three ways.

1. Accessibility.

The Internet has made porn ubiquitous.

2. Quality.

Today’s porn is much more hardcore.

3. Consumption.

Porn consumption has increased radically with the advent of the Internet. Sixty-nine percent of men and 10% of women report viewing pornography more than once a month. Eighty-seven percent of men admit using it in the past year. The researchers conclude, “In sum, there is evidence that more people—children, adolescents, and adults—are consuming pornography—sporadically, inadvertently, or chronically—than every before.”

How does pornography actually harm people? The researchers list a plethora of ways. Each of these points is supported with empirical evidence in the report. Keep in mind that these areobjective facts about pornographic consumption, not my subjective opinions.

• Those who view pornography overestimate how frequently certain sexual acts are actually practiced, which increases one’s willingness to do unconscionable things.
• Porn viewers physically map their brains based on the images they see. Pornographic consumption remaps the physical structure of the brain.
• Many men who view porn lose the ability to relate to or be close to women.
• Porn viewers become desensitized to the barrage of imagery, and as a result, child pornography and violent pornographic images often lose their ability to shock and disgust.
• Women often report distress and harm when discovering that their husbands view porn. They typically feel betrayal, loss, mistrust, devastation, and anger as a result of their partner’s behavior.
• Porn users have an increased likelihood of divorce and family break-up.
• Those who had an extramarital affair were three times more likely to have used Internet pornography than those who had not.
• Porn leads men to place less value on marital fidelity and more value on casual sex.
• Therapists report seeing fourteen- and fifteen-year-old boys addicted to porn.
• An Italian study reported that boys who view porn were more likely to report having sexually harassed a peer or having forced someone to have sex.
• Adolescent girls who report using pornography are more likely to report being victims of passive violence such as sexual harassment and rape.
• Today’s consumption of pornography encourages sexual exploitation such as trafficking.
• Adolescents who view pornography are more likely to view women as sexual objects.
• Porn consumption raises the risk of sexually risky behavior.
• Men who use pornography are less attractive to potential female partners.
• Exposure to pornography decreases sexual satisfaction with one’s partner for both men and women.
• Chronic pornography use is associated with depression and unhappiness.
• Users often report disgust and shame at finding themselves stimulated by images that would have once repulsed.

What do we do? For starters, can you help spread the word about the dangers of pornography? Please consider getting a copy of the report, “The Social Costs of Pornography,” and study it. Talk to your friends about it. Share it with your family and church. Blog about it. Or forward this blog to as many people as you can. There needs to be a renewed conversation about how pornography is damaging this generation. We can no longer ignore the most dangerous health hazard to this generation. Our kids deserve better.

peace


b

How HE Loves Us...

Do yourself a favor...take a few minutes to:

1 - Consider the lyrics of this song

2 - Consider them for your life alone

3 - Give some energy to really thanking God for loving you like He does

4 - Learn to accept His love more & more into your life

5 - Stop arguing with Him & telling Him all the reasons He shouldn't love you

6 - Sing it LOUD

peace

b

I'm a People Person...Sort of.

My personality is all about people.

I like being around people...Well, I'm learning, that's not entirely true.  I am realizing more & more, that for me, there are certain people types I like being around & there are certain people types that I don't like being around at all.

For instance...

I like being around confident people, but I don't like being around arrogant people.

I like being around people that find their value in themselves, I don't like being around people who think the things they own makes them more valuable than they really are, or who think it makes them more valuable than someone who doesn't have what they have.

I like being around real people, I don't like being around fake people.

I like being around people with depth, I don't like being around superficial people.

I like being around people that can handle honest conversations, I don't like being around people that can't.

I like being around people that are trying their best, I don't like being around people that go half___ on anything.

I like being around people that have a story (past) & are ok with it, I don't like being around people who judge people that have a story.

I like being around people that offer grace, I don't like being around people who forgot they need it.

I like being around sinners forgiven by grace better than I like being around "holier than thou & never messed up" people.

I'd rather be around someone that fell & knows how to get back up than be around someone that never fell & has some judgment about those that have.

I'd rather hang out with people that recognize we are all messed up in some way, than hang out with people who think they have it all together.

I struggle with people that are consistently sad or down in the dumps or just seem to always be negative. Yet, I also struggle with people that are consistently faking happiness.  Life happens - I like people that face it as it is & move on.  If it's good - enjoy it...if it's not - then admit it, deal with it & then move on.

I really struggle with people who major in the minors...those that point out "things" in others - as if they can't believe that about them...or can't believe they'd do that...or or or...All the time, they forget the judgment they are passing, IMO is worse than the gnat they are choking over.

I'd rather have someone tell me off, than fake like they like me.  I can't stand that obligatory mess...especially among the Followers of Christ.

I like being around tough people better than being around sissies.

I like being around people who live...who overcome...who strive...I don't like being around people give up or who allow themselves to not try because...

I like being around people who go after it...who do their best...I don't like being around people who under achieve & allow the fact that they are better than others to be the reason for not really going after it...

I like being around people who find the limits & go beyond them...I don't like being around people who tell you all the reasons it can't be done.

I like being around people who know what it's really all about...I don't like being around people who should have figured it out by now.

I like being around people who like people...I don't like being around people who don't.

I like being around people who are on a spiritual journey with Christ, I don't like being around people who hide behind their religion.

I like being around people who can have real discussions about God... Jesus...faith...etc.  I don't like being around people who can't.  One seems much more real than the other.

I like being around people who can separate the sin from the sinner...I don't like being around people who can't.

I like being around people who take you for who you are, not for what you've done.  I don't like being around people who can't separate the two.

I could go on - but that's pretty much what had me up early this morning...

I'm a people person...well, sort of.

peace

b

I Mean REALLY...

So, a few thoughts...questions...ponderings..etc.

1st - Can, Will & Does God REALLY forgive anything? (Other than blaspheming the Holy Spirit.  Which, when I read the passage on it, means ascribing the works of God's Spirit as being of the Devil.  Unless I misunderstand that passage...there are denominations that do this all the time...?  But that's not the point of this blog).  Outside of blaspheming, Can Will & Does God forgive any & all sins?

We all have an answer to that question already.  If our answer is yes - it has to be yes every time, all the time.  For every person that repents & asks God for forgiveness - the answer has to be the same every time.  YES.

If our answer is NO, then how do we decide on which "sins" or "people" get the forgiveness?  What's our deciding factors?  Who gets it & who doesn't?  It seems so subjective, when we start deciding ourselves - huh?

I think the Bible is clear - He CAN WILL & DOES...but, we are the ones that "grade" or "scale" sins, making some worse than others spiritually.  Therefore, we struggle with this area.

2nd - Can a person REALLY change?  I mean really change.  Again, we have an answer to this question already.  Our answer, determines how we respond to everyone in our life...the good...bad & yes - even the ugly - spiritually speaking of course.

It's a powerful question to consider.  If we aren't careful, we will pull in the secular mentality on this whenever deemed appropriate for any given person or sin.  What I mean is, the world says that: some people can't change...can't quit...can't recover...etc.  The Bible says we can.  So, which do we say?  It's another area that we can be very subjective in.  We can pick certain sins, or sayings from the world's side & apply them over what the Bible says.

Are we really "in recovery" forever or are we truly set free?  Is it true that "once a cheater/addict/liar/____...always a cheater/addict/liar/____" or is the old really gone?  It is true that "they (whoever they are in our life) will never change" or can they walk in the spirit & not fulfill the desires of their flesh?  See what I mean?  The world says one thing, the Word another.  IMO, You can't have both.

We have to be careful how we answer this.  Because, the answer we have for one person - should be good for another as well...actually, not only good for another - good for everyone.

But, my experience is, that we pick & choose the people that "are serious"..."are sincere"...are "something".  And, that something, we use as being the YES or NO for them.

3rd - Am I REALLY psychic?  Easy answer, NO.

And guess what - I don't think you are either.  I don't believe in psychics.

So, why do we think we can read each others minds?  Why do we think we "know what they are really thinking"?  Why do we think we can "tell" something about a person & be able to share that with others...all because of our "psychic ability"?  Of course, if we really need to, we can make it spiritual & then call it "discernment".  That places a whole 'nother spin on it then.  It's like we put "God said" on it - and then for whatever reason, it goes unchallenged...as if it's out of bounds now.  IMO - often, we do that just for that reason...to go unchallenged in our opinion(s) of someone or something.

My Point???

If we aren't careful - the 3 questions listed can all be answered all subjectively & all wrong.  This will only lead us to be highly selective in our view of others sins & their ability to change.  We can put our own idea of what they are really up to, or that they aren't REALLY "_____", & end up with quite a mess of how we do & don't view or accept people in our life &/or church.

We either REALLY believe God CAN WILL & DOES forgive or we REALLY don't.  We either believe people REALLY can change or we REALLY don't.  We either believe we REALLY can read others minds or we REALLY don't.

Which is it?

We can't have it both ways!  REALLY!

So

Choose which side you are on regarding: your opinion of God's forgiveness...People's ability to change & your psychic ability.  AND, REALLY stay there, 100% of the time...every day...every person...every story.  BUT - Don't live on both sides as it fits your comfort zones...it really gets messy.

peace...

b