My Friend ZO

I wrote a new story about my friend Zo.

Check it.

thx

b

HEY YOU...

At the risk of sounding a bit narcissistic...

I'd like to know who is following this blog...from where & if I do or don't know ya personally.

Really, I just want to know how God is using this blog.

I've chronicled a long journey thus far & will continue to do so...I will continue to share my journey - inclusive of our marriage...home...family...ministry...etc, as deemed helpful in that regard.

AND, by the numbers blogger tracks - it looks like it has become pretty far reaching.

Which, IMO, is part of what this is meant to be anyway...a ministry that lets each of us know that we can get back up...we can recover...we can live again.

So...

If ya don't mind - either on comments below or on fb - reply accordingly...I think it's set up so that you can simply click on "Add/post a comment" below & reply.  That would be great...


I don't need anything real detailed - just a 1st name...city...& how we know each other - if we do or not.  If you'd like to add any further comments - that would be great too.

It would mean a lot for you to reply...


Please & thanks...

bob

Chick-Fil-A & 107 People Without Food

So


Yesterday I was at Chick-Fil-A with Shawn, Ashton & Taylor.  And, like usual, we said a prayer before eating.


Only, I got a little messed up in the prayer.  Not as in, messing up the words.  Rather, in giving thanks for "this food".


This food consisting of nothing special...a chicken sandwich & fries.


But, what messed me up was this.  About the time I was going to say "thanks for this food", I remembered where we were going that same evening...to feed the homeless.  IE those without food.


FOOD - the staple of life...they don't have any.  No matter their story - they have NO FOOD.


So.


As I got to the "thanks for this food" part - rather than being the words we always say...it was in the moment of thinking about those that have NONE.  That got to me.


For maybe the 1st time in a long time - I really meant "thanks for this food".  Saying it wasn't a routine...habit...the right thing to do.  No, this time it was really from a place of gratitude.


Then later that same evening...we went to "feed those that have none".


107 of them to be exact on this night.


I'll introduce you to a few of them...


Joe - a guy in his mid 20's.  His hair - not really in dreads, more like crumpled mess.  "Where ya from Joe?"  Norfolk was his answer.  I couldn't help but wonder "what's his story"?  His last words as he walked out the door "I'm just trying to stay warm man.  Thanks for the food".


A Family of 4.  Husband, Wife & 2 sons.  The youngest boy - maybe about 8.  Hardly tall enough to reach the drinks being served.  So to reach out to him the best we could at that time - we gave him TWO (2) cookies instead of the normal ONE (1).  They looked like completely normal people - everyday people...only they have No FOOD to eat.


Dan.  He came up to me & asked could he talk with me.  He's 40.  He's been out of jail for 2 weeks.  Already has a job...trying to recover from "a bad mistake".  He was humbled to the point of being  embarrassed.  He's "looking for a better job...needs a break".


Or the guy who ate extra beans - because they are "the real nutrition for the cold"...


Or the guy who said "they were the best beans he has ever eaten there".


Or the lady who said the same about the potatoes.


Or all the people who said "they had never been served BBQ" there before.  It was "one of the best meals they had in a long time".


Or the man who drank 2 cups of tea - "to keep hydrated".


They came by & thanked us "for the food".


They offered their "bless you's" to US!


So


Today, as I thanked God for my food - I prayed for those that have none.


Realizing - my prayers won't feed them...we have to do that.  We are the answer to the prayers.


I will go back & help feed them again...them being "those without food".


Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do [it] to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me. - Jesus


peace


b

The Power of Focus

I'm not sure if it's focus only that I am speaking of, or the lack of distractions as well.  I think it's both...


When you have this "focus" in your life, it provides incredible energy.


Focus = 


Clarity...


Being sure...


Confidence...


Zeal...


Ambition...


Desire...


Readiness...


Prioritization...


Pruning...


Unavailable for "less"...


Vision...


Dreams...


I don't mean focus provides one, two or three of these things.  No, I mean focus provides each of these things and so much more.


There's a moment in Alice in Wonderland, where Alice asks the Cheshire Cat for direction.  It goes like this:


Alice: Tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don't much care where.

Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.

Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

How often do we do life just like that?  Without direction?

That can't & won't happen when you're focused.  I say can't & won't because, you won't allow it.  Focus screams for purpose & intentionality.

I'm sure some people say there's a formula for focus...and there might be.  I don't know.

Here's what I know.  When you minimize all the "garbage...trash...sins...lesser stuff...mediocrity...whiners...excuses...& whatever else needs to be on this list" - then there's nothing left but focus.

Too often we give our best energy to all the crap that simply steals our best from us.  And, too often we don't even know...other than by this gut feeling that says "is this all there is to life..."?

Here's the other side of the same coin.  God has a plan for each of us.

He has promised to direct us...order our life...show us the plan...help us stay in it...

SO

Though I don't want to rush the Christmas season & all the great moments from now til the end of 2011.

BUT

I cannot wait until 2012.

God has given me an incredible focus & has gotten me/us to where the "less" has been displaced & is in the past.

Feeling the power of focus in many areas of life...it's a great way to see again.

peace...

b

The GAINS...Something I AM not Something I Do...

Somewhere along the way, I got lost.

When?  I don't know.

How?  I don't know that either.

Actually...it was one of those "I'm lost...but didn't know, until I was found again" things.  What I mean, is, I didn't know that I had lost so much with my relationship with Christ along the way.  "The way" being over the almost 18 years of Pastoring my 1st church.

Somewhere, I allowed "Following Christ" to become something that I did as opposed to something that I was.  But, I really didn't know how compartmentalized I had made my relationship with Christ.  Maybe I was too messed up...too lost within...too disoriented...too confused...too _____???

Somehow, I had put most of my following Him into some little compartment in my life.  And, I'd open it up when needed...and I'd keep it closed when I didn't "need" or want it.  Crazy.  But, I guess that's part of the whole sin deal...it's called deceiving for a reason...we are told to "be sober" for a reason...we are told that "satan is looking to destroy us" for a reason...he was portrayed as a "serpent" for a reason...

NOW...

I have been restored to a place in Him that is not some little compartment in my life...it's not something in a compartment that I open on Sunday & whenever else convenient.

NO...

Without question, one of the GAINS in my life (ministry & every other area of life) is that following Him is no longer just something I do.   It's now who I am - a Christ Follower.

It's no longer just a piece of me...it's me.  It's now in my psyche...my heart...my efforts...my zeal...my determination...my daily walk...it's now something I've learned to practice 24/7.

I hear ya - "shouldn't it have already been that way the whole time?"..."isn't that what we are all supposed to be doing anyway?"  YES!  That's part of my point...somewhere I lost that.  Now, it's been found again.

I can't even begin to fully explain how fully & how far reaching that renewal has been within my life...heart...soul...& how every facet of my life has been affected (renewed?  healed?) by this GAIN.

SO

All I am trying to say is this: From out of the mess of my sin(s)...I have been found again.  I have been made new.  I no longer can take or leave Christ as guiding my life, per my convenience...I have learned to allow Him to affect me to the core again...to change me from the inside out...to make what I portray, what I do & who I am become synonymous...

I am a Christ Follower in the Fullest sense of the word.

Praise God!

b

The GAINS...My wife as my FRIEND.

So...

What would I say I've gained over the last couple years?

Let's talk about my marriage...

I'll take you to a moment we had in the counselor's office.  (Part of the year long 40 - 45 marital sessions we had together with the Counselor...you know just part of the restoration process that some say we didn't go through).  Sorry I got off track - huh.

K.  I'm back on now.

The Counselor asked something like this: "Bob.  Of the 3 loves mentioned in the Bible - Eros (erotic), Agape (unconditional) & Phileo (friendship)...which is most missing in your marriage?"  It was a light bulb moment for me...& ultimately for our marriage as well.  Without hesitation, & to the disagreement of Shawn, I immediately said, "Phileo...friendship."

I'm telling you - it was an "aha moment".

Though I had taught about the 3 loves in the Bible, I had never considered them within the context of a marriage.

I realized, at that moment, that we had drifted apart over the years...allowing an area of our marriage to simply die.  Not that we noticed...it simply died a slow death...somewhere over the years.

I realized, at that moment - that Shawn & me were not friends...though we loved each other - we had no friendship to speak of.

I realized a key to our/my healing.  Friendship negates loneliness.

So, over the course of many talks...counseling sessions...dates...walks...coffees...and a whole lot more...we learned to become friends...great friends.

We diligently worked on, and still have to pay attention to, our friendship.

Now, without question, our friendship has become an area that has taken our marriage to a place it hasn't been for many many years.  Perhaps, it was never like this...ever.

We found common areas to become friends.  We quit saying no to doing things together.

Now.  We walk together on the beach.  We go to movies together not only as husband & wife...we go as friends.  We found areas of life to share in together.  We laugh.  We cry.  We have fun.  We have learned to "be our self" together.

Now, it's not uncommon for us to find some time in any given day...laughing together...smiling at each other...sitting together - just talking...connecting...sharing life together...being friends.

It's an incredible place we have gotten to.

So what is something I GAINED?

My wife is not only "my wife...my lover...the mother of my children...she's my Friend...something that I was searching for, for a long time.

I love you babe.  I'm glad that we are...

b

The COST...the GAINS...

Time to switch gears...

BUT

Before I do.  I want to say that the blogs on COST was not meant to be an exhaustive list of costs.  The ones I wrote about, were the ones that just seemed to be in my heart & were the ones I could most easily write about at this time.  I did try writing about other areas (finances & opportunities...) but they just didn't come together after several attempts...so I am moving on...

The thing that has been in my heart while writing the COST has been the other side of the same coin...the new OPPORTUNITIES in our life.

So...

I will follow that train of thought & see where we end up.

I'll start here...

In spite of how hard this restoration...rebuilding...renewal process has been...out of it has come some of the most incredible insights & discoveries I've had in my life.

One of the most significant is - God's incredibly deep work He's done in my life.  When I say I am not who I used to be - that is not a cliche...it's not some remark used flippantly...it's not something to say because it seems like it should be said.  No, it is exactly what it's called - God's incredible work deep within me.

It's not that God didn't always want to do this in me (or anyone else as far as that is concerned).  It's that, for whatever reason(s), I never let it happen.  Why?  I have no idea.  Well, actually I might have an idea or two, but that's all they are - ideas.

Did it take this mess to allow God to do this work?  Apparently for me, yes.  I wished I had taken a different path years ago, but it didn't happen.

BUT

Thank God - I truly am not who I used to be.

There were times along the way that I could "feel" God doing a work in my heart.   There were other times, that something simply changed within me.

I hate the COST & losses...

I love the GAIN within.

I love who God has made me to be.

SO...

With that said.

Thank you God for being gracious to me...thank you God that where sin did abound - your grace did much more abound...thank you God for being all that you are in my life...my marriage...my home...my family...and, the ministry you've allowed me back into.

I'm grateful that because of God...Shawn...my family...my friends - that I didn't bail on this process...that God gained access to somewhere within that needed changed...that we stayed with it...until.

I love love love knowing deep within how much you, God, have done within me.

excited & pressing on...

b

Are Ya Feeling Good About the Life You're Living?

A principle guidance system God placed in our life is "Actions Produce Feelings".

Now, I'm 48, and that's not what my generation grew up on.  We grew up with the saying, "If it feels good - do it".  And the assumption with this was also, "If it doesn't - then don't".

IE - Let your feelings kind of be your guide...

The only problem with this is - that's just not how God created us.  He created us quite the opposite actually.  He created us so that our actions would produce feelings...those feelings in turn should help guide us in reinforcing or correcting certain actions.

What I mean is, when we act right, we are going to feel right & when we don't, we won't.  It's that simple...yet, its profound.

Consider this as an example.

When we want to lose weight or to get in better shape.  Once we decide we need to get in better shape, we now have some sort of goal(s) that come with it.  Whether it's to eat better...stop eating certain junk foods or types of foods...exercise...etc.  So, we decide we are going to change our lifestyle.

OK - here we go.  We wake up Monday & are going to go to the gym.  Only - we don't "feel" like it, so we don't.  Now (pay attention here) our actions (or inaction in this case) of not going to the gym are now going to not only produce a certain set of feelings, like failure & disappointment...they are also going to reinforce the feelings we gave into - of not wanting to get our butt up & out of bed.  Do you see the reinforcing loop set up?  We didn't feel like it & so we didn't.  Now our actions are going to produce negative feelings & in turn, will make it even harder to break the cycle on Tuesday.  Feelings followed will only be reinforced by the actions from them...like a snake coiling tighter around us all the time...

Let's suppose we did get up.  We went to the gym, got our workout on...sweated...felt like we made a baby step in the right direction.  Needless to say - we are going to walk out of the gym, feeling pretty good about ourselves...Actions produce feelings.  Also, our actions will help negate the negative feelings...


Let's change gears.

Not only does actions produce feelings, we can't feel good about acting wrong.  It's not going to happen.  Again, it's God's way of trying to guide us to doing right, specific to our values.  So, if you are not acting right - in ANY area of life - there is NO WAY you are going to feel good about it.  It's not going to happen - period.

So...

Here's the deal.  As we act right - we will feel right.  Anytime we act wrong (don't act on our right impulses) we are going to feel wrong.  If you are not feeling good about some area of life - perhaps it's God's way of trying to get your attention.  The more you act right according to your convictions & values - the more you'll feel right about your life.

It doesn't matter if it's "public or private" or "known or not known"...you will either feel right or wrong about how you're living your life in EACH & EVERY area...

Follow the peace...

b

Up in Smoke (Not Cheech & Chong...)

I once heard a story about a man who was shipwrecked on an uninhabited island. Seeing that rescue might not happen for a long time, he painstakingly built a little hut to provide himself protection from the elements and a place to store the few items he had managed to salvage from the wreck. Every day he would prayerfully scan the horizon, hoping for the approach of a ship.

But he saw nothing.

Up in Smoke

Then one evening, after he had been out and about on the island, searching for food, he came back to see that his little hut was in flames. He tried to put out the fire, but it was too late. Everything he owned in this world had gone up in smoke. He went to sleep that night listening to the pounding of the surf, stunned by his own misfortune.

The next morning he awoke to find a ship anchored off the island—the first ship he had seen since he had been marooned. Still trying to believe his eyes, he heard footsteps, and then a human voice, saying, “We saw your smoke signal and we came to rescue you.”

That’s how it happens sometimes. In divine sovereignty and grace, the worst-case scenario somehow becomes the best-case scenario.

Disasters can turn out to be great opportunities for God to work in your life. The Lord is always present with us, always intimately acquainted with our circumstances, and He specializes in taking "impossible" situations and turning them around, for His glory and our benefit.

How HE Loves Us...

Do yourself a favor...take a few minutes to:

1 - Consider the lyrics of this song

2 - Consider them for your life alone

3 - Give some energy to really thanking God for loving you like He does

4 - Learn to accept His love more & more into your life

5 - Stop arguing with Him & telling Him all the reasons He shouldn't love you

6 - Sing it LOUD

peace

b

I'm a People Person...Sort of.

My personality is all about people.

I like being around people...Well, I'm learning, that's not entirely true.  I am realizing more & more, that for me, there are certain people types I like being around & there are certain people types that I don't like being around at all.

For instance...

I like being around confident people, but I don't like being around arrogant people.

I like being around people that find their value in themselves, I don't like being around people who think the things they own makes them more valuable than they really are, or who think it makes them more valuable than someone who doesn't have what they have.

I like being around real people, I don't like being around fake people.

I like being around people with depth, I don't like being around superficial people.

I like being around people that can handle honest conversations, I don't like being around people that can't.

I like being around people that are trying their best, I don't like being around people that go half___ on anything.

I like being around people that have a story (past) & are ok with it, I don't like being around people who judge people that have a story.

I like being around people that offer grace, I don't like being around people who forgot they need it.

I like being around sinners forgiven by grace better than I like being around "holier than thou & never messed up" people.

I'd rather be around someone that fell & knows how to get back up than be around someone that never fell & has some judgment about those that have.

I'd rather hang out with people that recognize we are all messed up in some way, than hang out with people who think they have it all together.

I struggle with people that are consistently sad or down in the dumps or just seem to always be negative. Yet, I also struggle with people that are consistently faking happiness.  Life happens - I like people that face it as it is & move on.  If it's good - enjoy it...if it's not - then admit it, deal with it & then move on.

I really struggle with people who major in the minors...those that point out "things" in others - as if they can't believe that about them...or can't believe they'd do that...or or or...All the time, they forget the judgment they are passing, IMO is worse than the gnat they are choking over.

I'd rather have someone tell me off, than fake like they like me.  I can't stand that obligatory mess...especially among the Followers of Christ.

I like being around tough people better than being around sissies.

I like being around people who live...who overcome...who strive...I don't like being around people give up or who allow themselves to not try because...

I like being around people who go after it...who do their best...I don't like being around people who under achieve & allow the fact that they are better than others to be the reason for not really going after it...

I like being around people who find the limits & go beyond them...I don't like being around people who tell you all the reasons it can't be done.

I like being around people who know what it's really all about...I don't like being around people who should have figured it out by now.

I like being around people who like people...I don't like being around people who don't.

I like being around people who are on a spiritual journey with Christ, I don't like being around people who hide behind their religion.

I like being around people who can have real discussions about God... Jesus...faith...etc.  I don't like being around people who can't.  One seems much more real than the other.

I like being around people who can separate the sin from the sinner...I don't like being around people who can't.

I like being around people who take you for who you are, not for what you've done.  I don't like being around people who can't separate the two.

I could go on - but that's pretty much what had me up early this morning...

I'm a people person...well, sort of.

peace

b

LABELS

A site I follow: POTSC (People of the Second Chance) has been throwing out questions about Labels lately.  Both those you wear & those you put on others.

I read all POTSC sends out.

The "what labels are you wearing" got my attention.  I thought through that some & definitely know a couple labels that I have to keep cutting off me.  It's kind of like the way you cut labels off the back of a shirt...I have to do the same in my life from time to time.  Labels are funny things.  I'm not sure if I put them back on me or if I feel the "label application of others" & then have to cut them off.  Either way, I deal with a couple labels...

But, what got me even more was, "the labels I put on others".  Truth is, I tend to judge some people pretty quickly.  Here's the irony, it's not the full blown sinners I judge.  It's the "Christians".

It seems I have a lot of tolerance for sinners...not so much on the "Holier than Thou's".

Even the label "Christians" has a bad taste in my mouth.  The 1st time it was used in the Bible was not a compliment...and that's about where I've gotten with it too.  I'm not saying I'm right, it's just that anymore "Christian" feels religious to me...and religion kills.

But, for me, it goes further than that.  There are certain "Christians" that I really have no tolerance for.  I have slapped some pretty tough labels on them...like hypocrite...fake...phony...shallow, liar, religious & a few I can't really type out.  But, who am I to label anyone??? I mean, seriously, who are any of us to judge each other?  I'm a sinner saved by the same grace...like everybody else.  The bad thing is, I feel like I've labeled them correctly...which sounds even worse in typing & admitting it.  I guess that's really the struggle with labels - you feel right in the ones you use.  If you felt wrong about the label, you wouldn't be putting it on them - huh...?  Hmmmmmmm.

So, in dealing with this today, I realize I need to pray about some things living in my heart.  Some bad tastes...some "you really suck" type of things I've placed on others.  NOTE: they don't know I've placed these labels on their back...I know.  And ONLY I know.  Well, God knows too.

That's the rub for me.  If it's living in my heart, I need to deal with it.  The issue is not whether I've labeled them right or not.  The issue is that I've labeled them at all.  It seems like a form of judgment...and that is wrong.  If you've ever been judged (or pre-judged which is the word prejudiced against) then you know how that feels.

What I'm realizing is, that being right or wrong on the labels is irrelevant.  It's none of my concern.  It's God's deal & I have to allow Him to deal with it...

So.

God help me clarify my heart in regard to some things that just live in there about others.  Please.

Just being honest...for there's freedom in truth.

peace

b

God's Will...Thoughts w/out Answers.

K...

Lately I've been tossing around the idea of "God's Will".  It's a common term in the Christian world.

Typically, when we talk about God's Will, we are talking about his direction for our life...or some piece of our life.  When we are looking for it, how do we go about finding it?

It's not that I don't believe in God having a "will" or "purpose" for our life - because I absolutely believe that.  What I'm wrestling with is - what does that mean?

The short answer that I can agree with is: "God's will for your life will be tied to some purpose beyond your own life...that will benefit God's kingdom & humanity".  Agree.

But, how much does that get into?

Does God really care about your job or career?  Choices you make that will affect the rest of your life in some capacity?  Daily choices from the time you wake up til the time you go back to sleep?  I mean how far does God really have a "will" for your life.  How little does God want to micro manage your life...or how big does God want to macro manage your life?

Also, (this is the main point of this for me), how subjective is God's will?  It makes sense that God's will, will be tied to your own DNA...your likes...dislikes...abilities or lack there of...etc.  But, will it always be tied to that?  Will He ever "go against the grain" in our life?  Will His will ever be inconvenient...hard...a test...something you endure...Would He ever have you do something you didn't like?  Pray for someone that's not your friend?  Minister to someone you didn't like?  Etc...

I think the answer is yes...

But, my observation & experience, is that we often feel like God's will is most always going to be a warm fuzzy.  And, to that, I'm not sure.  It just seems that we make God's will on some (most) things very convenient personally...as to avoid the tough things.  Maybe even feeling like "that can't be His will" because it doesn't feel right.  Really?  Is that how it works?

Again, I'm not sure.

In reading the Word, it seems there are times that men or women or families or or or...had to go against the comfort zones of their existence as God directed them.  It seems like we have lost some of that in our walks.

Just because it's out of our comfort zones shouldn't be enough to say "it must not be God's will"...should it?

Just wondering...

b

Perspective is Everything...

They say that "how you see it is your reality".  I think there's a lot of truth in that statement.

If you see the proverbial "glass as being half-empty" it is...if you see it as being "half-full" it is.  Your perception is your reality.

With that being said...I am a blessed man.

I was awake early this morning - reflecting on the past several days...just counting my blessings.

Friday night - Shawn & I went out with our best friends for dinner...then we hung out & listened to a friend of our play some great music for the evening.  Just a great night.

Saturday - Studied...hung out some with Shawn when we were able.

Sunday - Genesis...then went to lunch with about 50 or so friends afterwards...then went to Jim & Deanna's for some football, friends & food.  A great day.

Monday - Shawn & I went with Kyndall & Jorden to look at wedding venues...(my sister Deb, went too - which was cool).  We rode to the Eastern Shore...it brought back good memories of yesteryear...another great day.

Monday Evening - Ashton cooked dinner for the entire family (shish kabobs on the grill)...then we all hung out & carved pumpkins...Taylor brought her usual artistic expression to her pumpkin.  Overall it was laughs...goofy pics...a fun time together...another great day.

Just good stuff all the way around...no matter where I look - the glass is more than half full.

Now, if I wanted, I could find the half empty stuff of bills...leaky faucets...blah blah blah... IF I wanted to.    But, I choose not to.  I choose to see all the incredible blessings in my life.

Truth - I'm a blessed man.

Faith...Family...Friends...

What more could you ask for...because, when it's all said & done - that's all you have anyway.

peace.

b