Mixed Signals

I have no clue how to write this...not sure where to start...

So, I'll jump in.

My heart is a little sad today.

Not because of anything here on the Groves' front - life here is incredibly wonderful in all areas.

NOPE - nothing to do with us at all.

Well - maybe, what I want to talk about touches home a little.

What triggered the sadness?

Whitney Houston's death.

Not her death specifically - some of our reactions/judgments/rants...etc...about her.

WTH

For those throwing some thoughts out there - that are less than compassionate...

Have you ever been in her shoes?

I have.

Have you ever struggled with addiction?

I have.

Have you ever needed a 2nd chance - 50x over?

I have.

Have you ever failed...again & again?

I have.

So, for you, to simply land on her battle with addiction as being the justification for your rants - saddens me.

Especially, the rants of the good ole christians...at it again.

It's times like these, that I want to distance myself from christians...

We come across cold...seemingly indifferent to the real stories of life.

I don't get it.

If you want to get on some high horse - do it at no one's expense.

Pick a better time to state your opinion.

Did you know Whitney?

I didn't.

Therefore, I don't have a right to judge her.

I'm saddened at our loss.

I'm saddened by your judgment.

TBH - it feels too close to home...

b

I HATE YOU!

I hate you!

That's sound so raw...so mean...so ugly...so uncalled for...so powerful...so wrong.

HATE

What a word.  What a phrase.

Webster defines is as

a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury

b : extreme dislike or antipathy

Though the opposite of LOVE, I'm not sure saying, "I love you", has the same "force" as saying "I hate you".

Maybe because, I love you is more commonly used & heard.

When you throw "I hate you" out there - it's like the wheels of the bus fall off...everything comes to a grinding halt.  The earth quits rotating...sun stands till...birds quit chirping.

It's that powerful of a phrase.

The word hate - similar to the word love - is greatly used as well.  As in, I hate collards...I hate it when it's hot outside...I hate Fords...etc.

But the phrase I hate you - now that's like reserved for very very very special occasions or people.

However

As you might know - that's not really why I'm writing this.  I'm certainly not writing to validate the word...or talk about the meaning of it...

NO

I'm writing to find out what it really means when used.

What does "I hate you" mean?

To even say the words...requires an emotional response within...a facial change of expression...even a change in your voice tone...

"I hate you".  It's so strong - it seems to get all over you when you really say it.

It's just plain ole nasty.

How do you know if you hate someone?

What does hate really feel like inside?

How is it played out against someone?

I once heard it illustrated like this.

A man, talking to a friend, said "I hate so & so".  The friend said "really?  Would you save them if they were drowning"?  The man answered "Yes - of course".  The friend's reply was "Then you don't hate them.  If you hated them - you wouldn't save them - you'd watch them drown".

Is that true?

Does hate want the destruction of someone or something?  Or maybe not actively wanting it - so much as passively allowing it?  Or, at least doing nothing?

Is hate a feeling or thought?

What is hate?

How do you know if you have it for someone?

Is it an personal ideology - lodged against someone...because?  Meaning, it doesn't really do anything - other than seethe in there...somewhere inside your heart or mind.

Is it acted out in words...Words that if acted on - would demonstrate said hate?

How do you know you hate someone?

As for LOVE, it's a verb.  It makes no sense if not acted out.  It's confusing as just words.

What about HATE?  Is it the same?

I think it would be extremely hard to really hate someone...to not save them if you saw them drowning.

But

When someone says, "I hate you" - what does it mean?  What are they saying?

If we truly hate someone...wow.

If we are a Christ follower - it's against EVERYTHING He stood & stands for.

Christ says it's impossible to have hatred & be His follower.

But - Christ's teaching aside.

Just the human condition.

Can we really claim hatred?  Can we walk through life with "that" living inside us - with it's cross hairs fixed on a person...family...race...etc.

What's that say about us?  What's it say about the person able to claim hatred toward another?

I'm just trying to get us to re-think our said position towards others...to re-think the junk we carry around in our heart...to re-think the things we say...

peace...


b

Love is a Decision (Re-post from POTSC) by Ashley Smith

A Repost from People of the Second Chance - written by Ashley Smith:

Love is a decision, liberate it.

Love is art, create it.

Expressing love is art. Love is creative.

When we seek love with new, re-birthed, grace filled eyes, reborn without barriers, we find life. We find second chances. New chances. New creativity. New art. We experience the substance and weight of untamed freedom, true free love.

Be love. Be liberated love.

Not the cliched idea that love is a fleeting feeling or 7 steps to achieve it or 5 ways to show it, liberated love is actionable love. The love that rebirths, gives new chances.

“Most people die before they are fully born. Creativeness means to be born before one dies.” - Erich Fromm

Have you experienced this radical, unconditional love? The type that gives birth to new love? The kind where you can stand in front of the closet, full of the shadows and skeletons and darkness of your life and fully open the door, let it all be released and have someone stand with you, holding your hand - and say, “None of this, nothing will change or shape my love for you. My love is not based on what you do or done or could do- it’s simply because you are YOU.”

I believe this love is possible, I believe this love is what a second chance looks like. I believe that you and I can be this love now, today- that we can receive it and give it freely.

I believe we, together, have the ability to celebrate people for being people. period. That we can liberate love- let it be expressed and lavished freely- even in our DARKEST PLACES, the places where we are most ashamed.

No condition. No guarantee. No judgement. Simply because people matter. WE ALL matter, no matter what.

That we can reinvent and rebirth ourselves in this love daily - that we create art with the palette of radical grace, second chances, acceptance, belonging, purpose and believe in the masterpieces we are.

Be love. Be liberated love.

This is Bob writing now.  I re-posted this for 2 reasons.  1 - Because of it's content.  It is so powerful.  If EACH of us could only learn how to live love out.  What a goal.  2 - Because of the blue paragraph above.  I know someone like that!  My wife - Shawn.  So, this re-post is also to honor her incredible love & to say - yes it can be done...no matter what.

So

Thanks babe.

AND Let's...

Be love.  Be liberated love.

peace

b

A Defining Moment...

Well.

This one hit me after the fact.

That might be the case for a lot of defining moments.  But this one seems a little different.

I knew what the day had in store for me.  I knew the opportunity was coming.  I knew all the pieces that were a part of it.

So, none of that was a surprise.

It was during the ride home when it hit me.

I'm talking about the opportunity that was given to me, by Courtney McBath, to speak for his Men's Group at Calvary Revival Church.

To say it was a great opportunity - is quite an understatement.  It was quite a day.

I'll give ya an idea of what the breakfast looked like.

1st, it's called Bring Your Own Breakfast.  Each man does exactly that...brings their breakfast.  Calvary Revival supplies juices...water...etc.

2nd, there were about 300 - 400 men there today.  Most were from Calvary Revival Church (CRC), but Genesis was represented well too.  Thanks guys.  Courtney had told me there would be 80 - 100 men there.  Needless to say, the attendance alone was awesome...and a little unsettling for me since I hadn't done anything like that for a few years.

3rd, we started with a song of worship (Falling in Love with Jesus...is the best thing I've ever done).  True.

Then, Bishop McBath came up & talked a few minutes & introduced me as "his brother & his friend".

Awesome - not because he said it.  Because he lives it.  He has truly been my friend (& Shawn's) throughout it ALL.  So, when he said he was my friend, I was nodding my head in agreement.  Yes, he walks what he talks.

I came up & shared "the story"...my/our story.  Yup, I did.  The good, bad & the ugly.

I'm not sure they saw it coming...but they all came to hear Bob's Story.

The Theme I was handed for the day was, "God NEVER Gives Up On You."

We closed in prayer, both Courtney & I praying over the men.

It was life changing for many of them - as well as myself.

Praise God.

But the defining moment thing.

It kind of side swiped me on the ride home.

As I relived the morning...thinking through the pieces...the men that came by to talk a little more...etc.

It dawned on me.

Courtney, was & is the 1st Minister & Ministry outside of our own, to, in ANY way, validate us again.

He is the 1st Minister to put his words to action.

He is the friend that lived out what he "prayed for", for both Shawn & me.

When I realized, that he had taken the chance to walk beside me as a friend AND a Minister today...it got to me - bad.

Tears were flowing.

I felt humbled...knowing ONLY God could put all that together.

I felt proud of God & Shawn (& my kids & friends)...knowing what it took to get us to this place.

I felt like something had been won back...knowing how much I had lost.

YES

Today will definitely be a day I will never forget.  The day, a friend & a brother took a chance...and because of that - my life & many more will never be the same.

Thanks Courtney & CRC Men...you made a difference in my life & for that I'm eternally grateful.

peace

b

2nd Chances...Deserved or Not?

What's your take on the phrase "2nd Chances"?

Do you personally believe everyone deserves one, or are you of the opinion that not everyone deserves one?

Actually, I don't really care if you believe in them.  What I really care about is this.

Are you someone that offers them?

It's a huge question.

Not only huge.  It's a revealing question as well.

I'm well aware that there are people on both sides of this belief.  Some believe in & offer 2nd Chances & some don't.

But, more importantly, what I really think people believe in is - both.

What I mean is this.

I think most people (perhaps all) do believe in & offer 2nd chances.  However, I also think most people don't believe in 2nd chances for everyone.

More specifically.

I think we all believe there are people deserving of a 2nd chance...

But I also think there are filters they have to get through to "be deserving".

For instance.

1 - We all have a list of "no-no's".  If said person committed one of our personal "no-no's", then they are disqualified from a 2nd chance.  Period.  Period meaning, we settle this issue & are ok without revisiting our stance on it.  What's done is done.

2 - We all play favorites.  If it's a family member of ours or a close friend...or even someone of our choosing...then, they rate higher on the 2nd chance scale.  We are more likely to believe they deserve a 2nd chance than perhaps someone we don't really know or like...or someone we decide is undeserving.  It's not a very objective process.

3 - If the said "no-no" hits closer to home...2nd chances are less likely to be offered or deserved.

4 - It seems like we are pretty comfortable with our personal stance on offering 2nd chances.  Meaning, what we believe...or stand for (or against)...how we treat another...etc...we are ok with it & rarely change from that position.  No matter, there might be other ideas...opinions...truths...teachings...etc.  We don't move much off where we are & have been.

5 - We tend to offer 2nd chances disproportionate from the way we'd like to receive a 2nd chance.

6 - Ironically, some people just read #5 thinking they don't need, nor ever will need, a 2nd chance...

By the time someone gets through our personal filters - it's a limited self defined group or person that really "deserves a 2nd chance or not".  And we act accordingly.

Anyway.

How you answer the question is going to have ramifications all of our lives.

It determines how we will treat others needing a 2nd chance.

It also determines...

Whether we forgive others or not.

Whether we are able to move into the future or not...or allow another to do the same or not.  Or, we kind of do & kind of don't.

Whether or not we will carry out our own form of judgment or not.  Un-forgiveness or not.  Anger or resentment.  Even, a shallow form of "holier than thou".

Whether or not we will carry some mutated form of grace around - for special occasions or people.

So.

What say ye?

Does everyone deserve a 2nd chance or not?

Be careful how you live this out.  It will come back to you or someone you love one day.

I guarantee it.

peace

b

Living "In the Woods"

K...

So, I wrote about feeding the homeless recently.

Well, this past Sunday, when it was warm enough to wear a t-shirt outside, me, Shawn & 3 other couples went out into the woods.  Not just any woods.  We went where the homeless live in Tents...kind of like little Tent Cities - each made up of 2, 3 or more tents...plus a few other "living areas" - depending on the particular "city".

We went - to give them blankets, gloves, chap stick & to feed them a hot spaghetti meal.

So...for a couple hours, we went from one Tent City to another...5 or 6 in all.

Here's a little of what we saw that day.

The 1st Tent City.  There were 2 men there when we got there.  "There" was a place off Military Highway.  A place where we were all trespassing.  We actually had to have the vehicles driven away so we could "sneak" into the woods undetected.  The Tent City was on private property too.

These 2 men had "just finished a game of horseshoes" when we got there.  There was an aroma of bacon in the air - they were cooking "something good".  The one guy said, "everyday he wakes up is a blessing".  Plus that day, he had found "a turkey & 2 chickens...it was a good day".  Of course, found means he had climbed in a dumpster somewhere...he calls it blessed.  On a tree - they had a mirror hanging - not sure what they need that for - but maybe it makes 'em feel a little more normal.  The guy wanted to show us in his tent - he had just installed "wall to wall" carpet...he called it "nice".

As we walked away - I asked "why are they there?"  "Lost his job...don't know about the other guy" was the answer.

The Next City was right beside a Grocery Store.  We didn't actually see anyone there, they were out, most likely looking for some "blessings" in a dumpster somewhere.  The most memorable part of that City was a piece of garland wrapped around a small pine tree.  That was their Christmas decorations.  We left their food under a basket turned upside down, so no animals would get it before they returned.  Blankets & chap stick on top of the upside down basket...

The Next City - was down the tracks.  Literally, we walked about a 1/4 mile or more down some railroad tracks, escorted by the citizens of the City we were going to.  They had 3 dogs chained up to guard their "city".  2 pit bulls & some kind of a mix breed.  Suffice it to say - you will not sneak up on them.  Their city was a bit more elaborate.  They not only had a few tents, they had ropes all across the trees - holding a "roofing" system made of tarps.  It had the most people we ran into - inclusive of a woman, who says she's a mother to twins.  One of the guys there, told me "they were using their military survival skills" to make it.  This place was also right behind a neighborhood...though it was the most elaborate, it was more like a garbage pit as well.  Apparently, they have lived their a long time.  We all stood in a circle, holding hands & had prayer with them before we left.  They walked us back out...thankful we came.

The Next City had no one there...at 1st.  After "talking into the air", the guy somewhere in there (the woods), must have been convinced we were safe.  He came out to see us, but took a little bit of a "sneak up on them route" - just in case we weren't who we claimed to be...?  This city has a little bit of the "tarp" system too.  I was told this City & the last were in some kind of tiff over something.  I found that to be very strange.  Like the others, we gave him food, a blanket & chap stick.  At the empty tent , we left the food, blankets & chap stick just like before...I learned, that the upside down basket trick is common in the Tent City.  Oh, I almost forgot this place was full of cats...they were everywhere.

The Next & Last - was behind some stores...behind some homes...beside railroad tracks.  It was a nothing more than a tent & a mattress.  Someone lived in the tent & someone lived "on the mattress" - with no cover at all.  They weren't "home".  We left the stuff under & on "the basket".  The most memorable, almost eerie, part of this City was the memorial set up.  It was a stick in the ground with a pretty nice flower arrangement attached to it (much like you see on the side of the road where someone died).  It was placed there in memory of someone who had actually lost their life, right there - in the City.  Only what really got me was that we knew the lady who had died there.   Years ago, she had attended the church I used to Pastor.  Now, in a Tent City, there was a stick with some flowers on it - to remember her by.

When it was all done...we each got in our vehicles & drove home.  The drive home was almost surreal...

One thing that got me is - we really don't know (or want to know) that those people are right behind our neighborhoods...right beside the grocery stores...right beside the roads we drive everyday.  That is the reality of the world in which we are a part of & are meant to help in.  Several of them - simply lost their job...now they are living in a Tent City - right near our homes.

So, today, when it's so cold outside, I couldn't help but think about & pray for "those that have none"..."those that live in tents & call it home".

peace

b

Chick-Fil-A & 107 People Without Food

So


Yesterday I was at Chick-Fil-A with Shawn, Ashton & Taylor.  And, like usual, we said a prayer before eating.


Only, I got a little messed up in the prayer.  Not as in, messing up the words.  Rather, in giving thanks for "this food".


This food consisting of nothing special...a chicken sandwich & fries.


But, what messed me up was this.  About the time I was going to say "thanks for this food", I remembered where we were going that same evening...to feed the homeless.  IE those without food.


FOOD - the staple of life...they don't have any.  No matter their story - they have NO FOOD.


So.


As I got to the "thanks for this food" part - rather than being the words we always say...it was in the moment of thinking about those that have NONE.  That got to me.


For maybe the 1st time in a long time - I really meant "thanks for this food".  Saying it wasn't a routine...habit...the right thing to do.  No, this time it was really from a place of gratitude.


Then later that same evening...we went to "feed those that have none".


107 of them to be exact on this night.


I'll introduce you to a few of them...


Joe - a guy in his mid 20's.  His hair - not really in dreads, more like crumpled mess.  "Where ya from Joe?"  Norfolk was his answer.  I couldn't help but wonder "what's his story"?  His last words as he walked out the door "I'm just trying to stay warm man.  Thanks for the food".


A Family of 4.  Husband, Wife & 2 sons.  The youngest boy - maybe about 8.  Hardly tall enough to reach the drinks being served.  So to reach out to him the best we could at that time - we gave him TWO (2) cookies instead of the normal ONE (1).  They looked like completely normal people - everyday people...only they have No FOOD to eat.


Dan.  He came up to me & asked could he talk with me.  He's 40.  He's been out of jail for 2 weeks.  Already has a job...trying to recover from "a bad mistake".  He was humbled to the point of being  embarrassed.  He's "looking for a better job...needs a break".


Or the guy who ate extra beans - because they are "the real nutrition for the cold"...


Or the guy who said "they were the best beans he has ever eaten there".


Or the lady who said the same about the potatoes.


Or all the people who said "they had never been served BBQ" there before.  It was "one of the best meals they had in a long time".


Or the man who drank 2 cups of tea - "to keep hydrated".


They came by & thanked us "for the food".


They offered their "bless you's" to US!


So


Today, as I thanked God for my food - I prayed for those that have none.


Realizing - my prayers won't feed them...we have to do that.  We are the answer to the prayers.


I will go back & help feed them again...them being "those without food".


Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do [it] to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me. - Jesus


peace


b

Every Story Has 2 Sides...

I used to be (well, I still am at times) pretty judgmental.  Well, perhaps prejudiced would be a better word?


I don't mean prejudiced in a racial way.  I mean more in, "once I hear a story about someone"...I pre-judge them or it.  I form all the opinions I need & I'm done after that.  I come to my own conclusions...develop my own reactions & responses...decide how I will or will not handle it...etc.


Prejudiced means to pre-judge...or to form an opinion NOT based on reason or experience.


That's what I mean...I'd prejudge the entire deal off of one side of the story...or even part of the story...or sometimes just a rumor that was close to a story.  Actually, it's probably safe to say, the story was, at times, an excuse to validate some personal feelings I already had to start with...now I could use them on someone, because of "the story".


I don't really have an example...but I was good at it - in very certain ways.


It seems like I had certain people that I just needed an excuse to not like anyway...done.  Or, once I had someone "validate" my suspicions...done.  Whether the story was true or not, was secondary to where I ended up on it.  I just needed a story.  Then I would move on...done.


I didn't repeat the story.  No, that would be wrong.  I now, simply had a reason within for my feelings or thoughts.  Of course, since I wouldn't repeat the story, about all I'd say about it or about them would be "I have my reasons"...or, "trust me..." or, something like that.


ANYWAY


I'm not sure you'll get that part of things.  But, I hope you'll get the rest of this.


Every Story has 2 Sides.


Always Has & Always Will.


We all know that from the jump already.


However, I was too quick to accept the 1 side of a story, believe it as the truth...fill in the blanks...done.


Not anymore.  If I can't validate the other side OR if I don't really care about the story - I'm out.  No harm & no foul.


That way I'm not "pre-judging" someone or something before I know about both sides of the story.  And, I'm not wasting my energy on something that really doesn't concern me.


Every Story has a VERY Subjective Side to it.


You've heard it - "that's my story & I'm sticking with it".


We tend to tell it the way we want it heard, rather than telling it honestly &/or objectively.  Our version will almost always have only our thoughts...our emotions...our ideas...our directives...and whatever else we think should become part of the story.  After all, it's our story & our audience as well.


Again, telling the whole truth is almost impossible...for many reasons.  This is not only my opinion - it's scientific truth.  Once we wire our brain in a certain way with the story - we believe that it's the truth - regardless.  So, of course, we then tell it just like that...as being the truth...tone of voice...feelings...emotions...reactions...all validating "the truth".


I love the line in a NeedtoBreathe song.  It says "just because I'm wrong...it don't make you right.  No you ain't right".



So.  I've learned to not take a person's story as being pure.  It's theirs - therefore it can't be without something they've added...for whatever reason.

It's My Story...I'll Cry if I Want To.


It's crazy how "right" we can be...while being totally wrong.  But, once we are set on our story or the story, you'd do better trying to push water uphill than tell someone "there's another side to this" or suggest they might not be seeing it right.


Crazy - You don't even have to be a part of the story.  You can be the person they "wanted to talk to".


I'm sure we've all been there...where you try to suggest "there's 2 sides to this"..."maybe they didn't mean it to sound like that"...or something that tries to normalize their side.


The moment you try to even suggest being more objective - BAMM.  All hell breaks loose.  Why?  Because now, you are choosing "the others' side" or "you are saying what everyone else said" or something that makes them feel like a victim - again.


Most people are more concerned about their point of view than they are about being right.


So, you can't help them...because anything against their story is seen as an attack or something like that.  So, they shut down...shut you out...withdraw...and live in "their story".


Anyway.


I know I have learned to not put a lot of stock in someone's story, when it's: inflamed with emotions...full of feelings...has some cost...covering their tail...about someone not there...against someone else...shared as "don't repeat this"..."you didn't hear this from me"...etc...


Blah blah blah blah...



God said it like this in Deut. 19:15 (the Message)  You cannot convict anyone of a crime or sin on the word of one witness. You need two or three witnesses to make a case.

Not that I have this down completely yet.  Because, there still are times I jump right in the middle of a story...only to be reminded...there's another side to this...

It just seems like we more often want to convict or even "crucify" someone, rather than restore or help them.

peace

b

Shhhhhhhhhhh....

A

Riddle...

Puzzle...

Contemplation...

Challenge...

Thought...

Key...

Secret...

Truth...

Duh...

What if there was a key to it all?  To life I mean.

What if there was some "thing" that if you had it - you were guaranteed to live a BETTER life.

BUT.

What if you were guaranteed to live a LESSER life without it.

Would you want it?

What if your life was MEANINGLESS without it.

BUT.

What if your life had tremendous MEANING with it.

Would you want it?

What if your life was SHALLOW without it.

BUT.

What if your life was SIGNIFICANT with it.

Would you want it?

What if this "stuff" could HEAL your heart if you have it.

BUT.

What if the lack of this "stuff" could eat your soul like a CANCER.

Would you want it - even more?

What if this "stuff" has the power to set you & others FREE when you use it.

BUT.

What if this same "stuff" has the power to ENSLAVE you & them if you don't use it.

Would you want it - even more?

What if, what I'm saying is 100% true.

Would you want it - more?

What if all the lives in your world would BENEFIT from you having it.

BUT.


What if every life in your world would SUFFER from you not having it.


Would you want it - more?


What if I told you that you ALREADY have it.


You not only have it - you have ALL you'll EVER NEED.


What is it?


LOVE

L.O.V.E.

L to the O to the V to the E

LOVE

Here's EXACTLY what the Bible says about LOVE & our life.

It's found in 1 Corinthians 13 (AKA the Love Chapter)

The Greatest Gift

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.  Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part.  But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.


When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.


And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

It teaches that love is the greatest gift in our life.

It teaches us that TO LOVE is mature.  To not is childish.

It teaches that, no matter what we do or accomplish in life, if we don't love, every piece of our life, is meaningless.

LOVE

It might be hidden within...it might be behind a hardened heart...it might be struggling for life under the weight of unforgiveness...it might be hard to give because it was never received...or something else might be strangling your love from living...

But.

God, himself being LOVE, has placed love within each of us.


HE will teach us all how to LOVE.

If we allow Him IN.


AND.


If we allow Him to TEACH us.


Do you still want it?


Do you want it - more?


All ya have to do is ask & allow it to live...


Try it...

Merry Christmas to all...

b

The GAINS...Real Conversations - No Bull

Back to some things I've gained in the last couple years...

I'm not sure why...But, one of the areas that has definitely changed is the depth of conversations I have & the depth of questions I now ask or answer.

I'm not sure how to explain this...

But, what I'm specifically speaking of is, not being afraid to ask or answer the questions really needing asked or answered.

Kind of a No Bull allowed thing...

An example...

You know how it feels when you are talking to someone having a really bad moment in life.  You know...they know...you both know you know.  Yet, you don't go there...you don't talk about it...you don't ask...they don't bring it up...that awkward feel - knowing you're avoiding something - but you just avoid it...and you talk about stuff that really doesn't matter.  Do you know what I'm trying to describe?

Anyway - I think we have all been there.

Well.

That's the stuff I am no longer avoiding.  The questions or conversations needing to be dealt with.  I go there.  Or, I allow others to go there.

It seems very real.  Very honest.  It feels like a breath of fresh air when it happens.

It's like you & they both feel relieved...free...connected...

The irony to it is - by going there, you feel more connected to that person...more in touch with where they really are in life...their story...their struggle...Or yours for that matter.

You feel more alive...more human...more caring...more _________ (something significant goes here).

Why is it a GAIN?  because, I used to not go there.  I'd leave that moment - feeling like something was missing.  Feeling like there was a void in what had just happened.

Not anymore.

NOW

Without having to force anything...it just happens.  Naturally so.

Maybe before - part of it was I either didn't care to hear it...was in too much of a hurry...was somewhere else in my thoughts...or something.

Also, I'd make it hard for people to ask the real questions or answer as superficially as possible at times.

You know what I'm talking about.  Knowing you either didn't ask (for whatever reason) or didn't answer (for whatever reason) the things really needing talked about.

NOW

I've learned to live in the moment.  To be there - all there.

I don't have this down completely - but when it happens...it's way cool.

Still growing...

b

The Power of Focus

I'm not sure if it's focus only that I am speaking of, or the lack of distractions as well.  I think it's both...


When you have this "focus" in your life, it provides incredible energy.


Focus = 


Clarity...


Being sure...


Confidence...


Zeal...


Ambition...


Desire...


Readiness...


Prioritization...


Pruning...


Unavailable for "less"...


Vision...


Dreams...


I don't mean focus provides one, two or three of these things.  No, I mean focus provides each of these things and so much more.


There's a moment in Alice in Wonderland, where Alice asks the Cheshire Cat for direction.  It goes like this:


Alice: Tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don't much care where.

Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.

Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

How often do we do life just like that?  Without direction?

That can't & won't happen when you're focused.  I say can't & won't because, you won't allow it.  Focus screams for purpose & intentionality.

I'm sure some people say there's a formula for focus...and there might be.  I don't know.

Here's what I know.  When you minimize all the "garbage...trash...sins...lesser stuff...mediocrity...whiners...excuses...& whatever else needs to be on this list" - then there's nothing left but focus.

Too often we give our best energy to all the crap that simply steals our best from us.  And, too often we don't even know...other than by this gut feeling that says "is this all there is to life..."?

Here's the other side of the same coin.  God has a plan for each of us.

He has promised to direct us...order our life...show us the plan...help us stay in it...

SO

Though I don't want to rush the Christmas season & all the great moments from now til the end of 2011.

BUT

I cannot wait until 2012.

God has given me an incredible focus & has gotten me/us to where the "less" has been displaced & is in the past.

Feeling the power of focus in many areas of life...it's a great way to see again.

peace...

b

The GAINS...Something I AM not Something I Do...

Somewhere along the way, I got lost.

When?  I don't know.

How?  I don't know that either.

Actually...it was one of those "I'm lost...but didn't know, until I was found again" things.  What I mean, is, I didn't know that I had lost so much with my relationship with Christ along the way.  "The way" being over the almost 18 years of Pastoring my 1st church.

Somewhere, I allowed "Following Christ" to become something that I did as opposed to something that I was.  But, I really didn't know how compartmentalized I had made my relationship with Christ.  Maybe I was too messed up...too lost within...too disoriented...too confused...too _____???

Somehow, I had put most of my following Him into some little compartment in my life.  And, I'd open it up when needed...and I'd keep it closed when I didn't "need" or want it.  Crazy.  But, I guess that's part of the whole sin deal...it's called deceiving for a reason...we are told to "be sober" for a reason...we are told that "satan is looking to destroy us" for a reason...he was portrayed as a "serpent" for a reason...

NOW...

I have been restored to a place in Him that is not some little compartment in my life...it's not something in a compartment that I open on Sunday & whenever else convenient.

NO...

Without question, one of the GAINS in my life (ministry & every other area of life) is that following Him is no longer just something I do.   It's now who I am - a Christ Follower.

It's no longer just a piece of me...it's me.  It's now in my psyche...my heart...my efforts...my zeal...my determination...my daily walk...it's now something I've learned to practice 24/7.

I hear ya - "shouldn't it have already been that way the whole time?"..."isn't that what we are all supposed to be doing anyway?"  YES!  That's part of my point...somewhere I lost that.  Now, it's been found again.

I can't even begin to fully explain how fully & how far reaching that renewal has been within my life...heart...soul...& how every facet of my life has been affected (renewed?  healed?) by this GAIN.

SO

All I am trying to say is this: From out of the mess of my sin(s)...I have been found again.  I have been made new.  I no longer can take or leave Christ as guiding my life, per my convenience...I have learned to allow Him to affect me to the core again...to change me from the inside out...to make what I portray, what I do & who I am become synonymous...

I am a Christ Follower in the Fullest sense of the word.

Praise God!

b

The GAINS...My wife as my FRIEND.

So...

What would I say I've gained over the last couple years?

Let's talk about my marriage...

I'll take you to a moment we had in the counselor's office.  (Part of the year long 40 - 45 marital sessions we had together with the Counselor...you know just part of the restoration process that some say we didn't go through).  Sorry I got off track - huh.

K.  I'm back on now.

The Counselor asked something like this: "Bob.  Of the 3 loves mentioned in the Bible - Eros (erotic), Agape (unconditional) & Phileo (friendship)...which is most missing in your marriage?"  It was a light bulb moment for me...& ultimately for our marriage as well.  Without hesitation, & to the disagreement of Shawn, I immediately said, "Phileo...friendship."

I'm telling you - it was an "aha moment".

Though I had taught about the 3 loves in the Bible, I had never considered them within the context of a marriage.

I realized, at that moment, that we had drifted apart over the years...allowing an area of our marriage to simply die.  Not that we noticed...it simply died a slow death...somewhere over the years.

I realized, at that moment - that Shawn & me were not friends...though we loved each other - we had no friendship to speak of.

I realized a key to our/my healing.  Friendship negates loneliness.

So, over the course of many talks...counseling sessions...dates...walks...coffees...and a whole lot more...we learned to become friends...great friends.

We diligently worked on, and still have to pay attention to, our friendship.

Now, without question, our friendship has become an area that has taken our marriage to a place it hasn't been for many many years.  Perhaps, it was never like this...ever.

We found common areas to become friends.  We quit saying no to doing things together.

Now.  We walk together on the beach.  We go to movies together not only as husband & wife...we go as friends.  We found areas of life to share in together.  We laugh.  We cry.  We have fun.  We have learned to "be our self" together.

Now, it's not uncommon for us to find some time in any given day...laughing together...smiling at each other...sitting together - just talking...connecting...sharing life together...being friends.

It's an incredible place we have gotten to.

So what is something I GAINED?

My wife is not only "my wife...my lover...the mother of my children...she's my Friend...something that I was searching for, for a long time.

I love you babe.  I'm glad that we are...

b

The COST...the GAINS...

Time to switch gears...

BUT

Before I do.  I want to say that the blogs on COST was not meant to be an exhaustive list of costs.  The ones I wrote about, were the ones that just seemed to be in my heart & were the ones I could most easily write about at this time.  I did try writing about other areas (finances & opportunities...) but they just didn't come together after several attempts...so I am moving on...

The thing that has been in my heart while writing the COST has been the other side of the same coin...the new OPPORTUNITIES in our life.

So...

I will follow that train of thought & see where we end up.

I'll start here...

In spite of how hard this restoration...rebuilding...renewal process has been...out of it has come some of the most incredible insights & discoveries I've had in my life.

One of the most significant is - God's incredibly deep work He's done in my life.  When I say I am not who I used to be - that is not a cliche...it's not some remark used flippantly...it's not something to say because it seems like it should be said.  No, it is exactly what it's called - God's incredible work deep within me.

It's not that God didn't always want to do this in me (or anyone else as far as that is concerned).  It's that, for whatever reason(s), I never let it happen.  Why?  I have no idea.  Well, actually I might have an idea or two, but that's all they are - ideas.

Did it take this mess to allow God to do this work?  Apparently for me, yes.  I wished I had taken a different path years ago, but it didn't happen.

BUT

Thank God - I truly am not who I used to be.

There were times along the way that I could "feel" God doing a work in my heart.   There were other times, that something simply changed within me.

I hate the COST & losses...

I love the GAIN within.

I love who God has made me to be.

SO...

With that said.

Thank you God for being gracious to me...thank you God that where sin did abound - your grace did much more abound...thank you God for being all that you are in my life...my marriage...my home...my family...and, the ministry you've allowed me back into.

I'm grateful that because of God...Shawn...my family...my friends - that I didn't bail on this process...that God gained access to somewhere within that needed changed...that we stayed with it...until.

I love love love knowing deep within how much you, God, have done within me.

excited & pressing on...

b