One of Those Days...

Do you ever have one of those days?

Not one of those days...

I mean one of those days.  One of those days when you are more AWARE.

Aware of all the good in your life.  Aware of the blessings...the love...the goodness...

Almost like you are more awake than usual.  Something deep within has come alive for the moment to remind you - you are blessed...life is good.

Do you have those AWARE days too?

Today is one of those days.

It's hard to explain.

It feels like emotions deep within, like stallions,  running wild from your heart to your head to your heart - over & over again.  You feel it & then you think about it & then you feel it & then you think about it...etc.

It feels like gratitude when it's in your head.  As you take an inventory of your life at that moment.  Not all of your life - a piece of it.  It's like seeing a beautiful piece of art & focusing in on a detail of that same  artwork.  And, for whatever reason, it's that detail that stands out at that moment.  And it causes an emotion...a smile...a warm fuzzy within.  Joy.

And it feels like something just one-millisecond short of tears.  Tears of joy...gladness...happiness...love. Not only tears, it feels like dancing...twirling...running...shouting...laughing...silence.

Being AWARE is a deep thing.

It's like every crowning achievement in your life has bundled itself up & you celebrate them - fresh & new.

It feels like electricity set at an incredibly low setting - just pulsating your skin.  But, it's not your skin - it's the skin that wraps around life itself within.  And today, it's pulsating with more life than normal.  It almost feels like goose bumps - deep within though, not on the surface.

It feels like being in the rain.  But you are not getting wet, instead, you are feeling the rain.  Every drop as it hits you...it's that moment as a kid when you'd go outside to play in the rain & look up into the sky to catch the rain on your tongue.

It feels spiritual.  Like God himself has decided to sit beside you for a few moments to "open your eyes" wider than normal...to restore your vision...to just whisper to you "life is good...enjoy all that I've given you...all that's been given back...all that's right.  And, oh, by the way - I love you."  It's like you are more AWARE of Him & all the blessings He has given into your life.  In an AWARE moment - there is no sadness...no room for grieving loss or the past.

It's like sitting beside a lake - far away from every noise...every distraction...every everything & anything that lessens your abundant life.  For a moment, you are AWARE of nothing but goodness...love...joy...peace...all that is good.  No ripples on the water...nothing to disturb this moment.

It's like being under water - only the water is not water - it's love.  You feel overwhelmingly loved & in love.  Like the suns' rays - you feel love warming you up (or back up)...and like a refection of that same warmth - you feel it being given way to those you love most in your life.  You wife...kids...family...friends.  It's a moment that borders on drowning - but you know you are fully alive in this reality.

It's like a moment that you'd love to stay in - but you know you can't.  You don't even know where you are or how you got here.  You just woke up - there.  And you know, that in some moment, reality will ease back in & this moment will be gone.

But, it's this AWARENESS that makes you live all the others - better than before.

Because you are more AWARE.

YEP.

AWARE.

That's what I'm feeling today.

I am in AWE at this moment.

Thanks God - for all the good that's in my life.

b

Do me a favor & hit the like button below...thx

Our Friend Zo the Redeemer

Zo the Redeemer

Zo met with us today.  That he met with us is not unusual, he tries to meet with us on a regular basis, as we try to do the same with him.  We have come to love meetings with Zo.

Let me introduce Zo.  Zo is an old friend of ours, I’m not sure when I met Him, but I know he knew me first...like an old family friend that can remember you growing up, that’s Zo.  He has memories of knowing you before you have memories of knowing him.

Zo, well, he’s a quiet man.  In that regard, he reminds me of my grandfather.  A man who seldom spoke, yet when he did, he spoke volumes.  That’s Zo.  When Zo speaks, he just seems to have something worth hearing.  Something so simple it’s profound.  Words full of life.  Zo says things that, at the time, might not seem like much, but as you ponder his words, they grow into life change of some sorts.

Zo has gray hair.  It’s that old man gray hair.  The gray hair that says “I’ve lived & learned a lot.  I know a lot about life and how it works.  I know things you don’t yet know.”  That hair.  Not only does he have gray hair, his hair is thick and it’s longer than most at his age.  In the wind, his hair lifts as one big piece of gray, like a wing of a dove being lifted by the wind.  His hair is past his shoulders in the back and sometimes he keeps it in a pony tail.  He needs a haircut, but I can’t imagine Zo with anything other than long flowing gray hair.  Anything less wouldn’t seem right on the guy. 

Zo’s face looks really old.  His face is tanned and full of wrinkles.  Deep trenched wrinkles.  The kind of wrinkles that have many stories of having lived life the hard way.  His tan, looks like it never fades.  It’s deep into his skin.  His eyes, that’s the part of him that I like looking at the best.  His eyes speak without him saying a word.  His eyes are full of love and compassion.  They are full of life, even though the face they are set in, says life has been long and hard.  Those same eyes seem to see right through you as well.  You know, those looks you got when growing up, that just let you know that they knew you weren’t being truthful.  Zo’s eyes seem to pull the truth right out of you, just by looking at you.  It’s like he can see right into your heart.

Zo’s hands are calloused and quite rough.  Zo says that’s from “helping lift people up from life’s pits.”  I don’t know exactly if that’s really how he got all those callouses, but suffice it to say, that Zo has definitely lifted a few people out from life’s pit.  Picking people up seems to be one of Zo’s favorite things to do.  Zo calls that, “redemption”.  

He says redemption means to help people believe in themselves again.  To help them believe they are still worth something.  Once you meet Zo, you’ll know, that no matter what your pit is about, you’re worth something to him.  You’ll see it in his eyes, feel it in his hands and hear it in his voice.

Zo says it doesn’t matter how you get knocked into the pit, he sees all people the same.  If they are in the pit, they need help getting out.  Zo figures that’s part of why he’s on the earth, to help people get out of their pit.

That’s Zo.  The redeemer.

People that know him, love him.  People that don’t, don’t fully understand him.

That’s who we met with today.  We, being me and my wife Shawn.

Our meetings are somewhat planned, yet sometimes Zo just shows up.  It seems Zo has a knack for knowing when to show up.

Like a few years ago, Zo showed up.  I’m not sure if he even knocked that day.  That day, I do know, we didn’t have a time set to talk with Zo.  We didn’t really think we wanted to meet with anyone that day.  It was a bad day.

Bad, because we were trying to figure out how to sift through the mess I had made in our marriage.  


Honestly, we weren’t even sure we wanted to or would be able to sift through it all.  There was a lot to sift through and the pile seemed daunting at best.  Overwhelming in fact.

Hurt.  Angry.  Unsure.  Lonely.  Broken.  

That’s how that day felt.

So, that day, we weren’t ready to meet with anyone.

Tears.  Silence.  Isolation.  Confusion.

Then, right there, when it seemed to be the worst possible timing, Zo showed up.

At first, He just came in and sat across from us without saying a word.  His presence seemed to be enough.  And, strangely enough, his silence was exactly what we needed at first.  

Calm.  Serene.  Peace.  Hope.  Love.

That’s what Zo brought that day.

He began to speak to us both about things like: life, love, joy, grace, each other - together.

Zo somehow helped us believe again that day.

Zo helped us believe, that in spite of the mess that needed to be sifted through, no matter how bad it was, we could get through it.  We could redeem it.  “If we wanted to,” Zo said.  Crazy thing is, Zo said he’d help us.  He was true to his word.  He met with us over & over.  Sometimes planned and sometimes not.

He would let us cry and sometimes he’d cry with us too.

He would remind us of how good our love was and how good it could be again.

He would make us smile and sometimes we’d laugh as he told some story that painted the picture of a better tomorrow.

Every time we met with Zo, something seemed to be put back together or something new came to life.

We were learning all about that redemption thing Zo was teaching us about.

Then one day, we realized it had happened.  Our life together, our love for each other, our marriage had been redeemed from the sifting pile.  Our marriage had been redeemed from the pit.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, we had been given new life.

Zo still comes around, like he did today.  Sometimes, he still sits quietly and sometimes he speaks.

Now, we know what his calloused hands really feel like.  For Zo reached down into one of life’s pits and pulled us out.

Now, when we see his eyes, we know they are full of life and love.

Now, when Zo speaks, we know his words are life giving and can help make sense in life and life’s pits.

Zo, our friend, is a redeemer, and that’s what he does - redeems.  Buys back.  Adds value.  Dispenses hope.

Zo, the redeemer, because that’s what he does, redeems.

Thanks Zo.

If you read this blog at all - you know this is something very different for me.  Do me a HUGE favor.  If you like it - hit the fb like button, right below this, for me.  If you'd go a step further - comment on it below this entry.  If you know someone that might enjoy reading it, send it to them.  Please & thanks in advance.

peace

b

A Defining Moment...

Well.

This one hit me after the fact.

That might be the case for a lot of defining moments.  But this one seems a little different.

I knew what the day had in store for me.  I knew the opportunity was coming.  I knew all the pieces that were a part of it.

So, none of that was a surprise.

It was during the ride home when it hit me.

I'm talking about the opportunity that was given to me, by Courtney McBath, to speak for his Men's Group at Calvary Revival Church.

To say it was a great opportunity - is quite an understatement.  It was quite a day.

I'll give ya an idea of what the breakfast looked like.

1st, it's called Bring Your Own Breakfast.  Each man does exactly that...brings their breakfast.  Calvary Revival supplies juices...water...etc.

2nd, there were about 300 - 400 men there today.  Most were from Calvary Revival Church (CRC), but Genesis was represented well too.  Thanks guys.  Courtney had told me there would be 80 - 100 men there.  Needless to say, the attendance alone was awesome...and a little unsettling for me since I hadn't done anything like that for a few years.

3rd, we started with a song of worship (Falling in Love with Jesus...is the best thing I've ever done).  True.

Then, Bishop McBath came up & talked a few minutes & introduced me as "his brother & his friend".

Awesome - not because he said it.  Because he lives it.  He has truly been my friend (& Shawn's) throughout it ALL.  So, when he said he was my friend, I was nodding my head in agreement.  Yes, he walks what he talks.

I came up & shared "the story"...my/our story.  Yup, I did.  The good, bad & the ugly.

I'm not sure they saw it coming...but they all came to hear Bob's Story.

The Theme I was handed for the day was, "God NEVER Gives Up On You."

We closed in prayer, both Courtney & I praying over the men.

It was life changing for many of them - as well as myself.

Praise God.

But the defining moment thing.

It kind of side swiped me on the ride home.

As I relived the morning...thinking through the pieces...the men that came by to talk a little more...etc.

It dawned on me.

Courtney, was & is the 1st Minister & Ministry outside of our own, to, in ANY way, validate us again.

He is the 1st Minister to put his words to action.

He is the friend that lived out what he "prayed for", for both Shawn & me.

When I realized, that he had taken the chance to walk beside me as a friend AND a Minister today...it got to me - bad.

Tears were flowing.

I felt humbled...knowing ONLY God could put all that together.

I felt proud of God & Shawn (& my kids & friends)...knowing what it took to get us to this place.

I felt like something had been won back...knowing how much I had lost.

YES

Today will definitely be a day I will never forget.  The day, a friend & a brother took a chance...and because of that - my life & many more will never be the same.

Thanks Courtney & CRC Men...you made a difference in my life & for that I'm eternally grateful.

peace

b

I Quit Church...

I really did...

I was D.O.N.E. with it.  Actually, done would be the wrong word - "over it" would be a better one.

I had a huge "church value" in my life...so, I couldn't be done.

However, I was over it.

Over the people specifically.

I was angry.

I felt like the very thing I desperately believed in - failed me.

IMO, it really doesn't matter how we got there.  I say that because, to say "here's why Bob...", I think stinks of religious jargon.  To feel that we, as Christ Followers are ever justified in any circumstance to be part of the fail, is part of the churches problem anyway.  But, I might not be the right one for that opinion.  However, I represent a part of the church that is simply walking away from what we do every Sunday.

And, other people simply don't come to join with us - because we don't treat each other any differently than the world treats one another...maybe at times we are even worse.  Well, no maybes about it - we are definitely worse at times.

That's not why I'm writing though.

I'm writing to simply say, that I have been on the "I don't go to church" side of this thing in life.  Not only did I not go, Shawn & my kids didn't go either.  As a family, our home didn't go to church...for quite some time.

Ironically, it was during a time that we so needed to be in a church.

I'm not talking about the building...nor the habit of going...nothing like that.

I'm talking about our need to be with others that were trying to go in the same way with their faith.

Towards God.  Towards healing.  Towards freedom.  Towards love...life...more...

We did visit a church or 2...during this time.  Other than 1 church - we never felt compelled to go back to any of them.

What were we looking for?  What was it that we knew we didn't find?  What is that something, that "hits us" & we know "this is what I've been looking for?"

What are people looking for - that we need to have...

What are people looking for - that is seemingly missing in so many churches...

What are we supposed to be doing on a weekly basis when we gather together...

What makes it "worth getting up for"..."saying no to other things for"...etc.

Do me a great favor - hit like & comment below - let's keep digging.

You never know who might find some help from your words.

b

Church Attenders ONLY...

K.

This blog comes with a clause... "For Church Attenders ONLY".

If you don't really go to church - perhaps there will be something you can help me understand as well.  But, I'm really wanting to hear from the church attending part of the world.

Here's the Question.

Why Have we gotten so used to just not going to church on a regular basis?

It seems like for many of us - church attendance is more of a "I'll go if it's convenient" thing, than it is an "I'll go because it matters" thing.

I don't think "are you going to church?" should be a question for Christ followers.  Period.

I don't get it.

And, obviously, those that have gotten into this mode - are completely fine with it.

Attend if there's nothing else going on.

Attend if there weather is not messy.

Attend because we haven't been in a while & we need to show up...so they know we are not dead.

I'm completely serious.

What the HELL?

Has church become that irrelevant to your journey?

Has your church become that unimportant to your spiritual life & growth?

I seriously doubt it.

I don't think it's the church at all.

I mean - is it possible that some churches are irrelevant...unimportant or whatever.  YES.

But, is it possible that ALL the churches are?  No way.

I think it's us.

We have gotten to where we are absolutely comfortable with a more shallow walk with Christ.

We have gotten to where we are no longer disturbed by this in & of ourselves.

We see church as an option to our faith.

We see church as being "not convenient" to the rest of what we do.

I get it, when there are legitimate reasons for not being there.  I get it, that there are times other things prevail.  I get it, that sometimes there's a good reason for not being there.

I don't get it, when that's the norm for someone or their home.

It's so easy to get out of the "church on Sunday" habit...then so hard to get back into it.

I don't know.

I'm looking for answers here.

I'm looking for some real, honest feedback on this.

Because I'm bothered by it.

Part of what bothers me is this.  I didn't have a church for almost a year.

I know what it feels like to "not have a church" to call home.

I know what it feels like to "want a place to call home".

So.

When you have one...why is attending it unimportant?

I'm not meaning to rant.  I seriously don't get it.

It bothers me at a personal level...because my family & I have been "churchless".

It bothers me at a pastoral level...because I care about your growth in Him.

It bothers me at a passionate level...because IMO, there's something not right in your passion for Him.

Anyway...

help me understand.

b

Random Stuff on the 13th...

K...


From time to time I have a lot of mess rambling around in my brain...nothing earth shattering - just stuff that stays on the radar...stuff that makes me pause & think...etc...


Here's some of what's running around in my brain...


The Cosmos.


When I was in grade school - we had 9...no wait 8... planets we had knowledge of.  Well, we now know there are a few more...as in 100 BILLION planets in the Milky Way!  WHAT?  They say that every star has a planet now...what the...


Well - it's not that part that messes with me.  It's the whole theology thing that I have to put in a drawer & leave alone.  Because, this is crazy huge to fathom.  Not like 9 planets & all the cosmos was any easier...it's just that it's tough to believe that we are the only planet with life.  So far - that is what we know...so no harm - no foul.  BUT... hypothetically - they say there has to be other life out there.  If not, it's a crazy waste of creative space.  If so, how does that play into the whole gospel thing?  See - I have to leave it in a drawer titled "Do Not Open".  But, I read every article that catches my attention on CNN...just to see if the drawer has been cracked open by anyone.


The World.


Specifically, the other side of the globe.  Syria...China...Iran...Iraq...Afghanistan...North Korea...and one or more that seem to be less than stable in the big global front.  IMO, the way the world has become so connected & yet so disfranchised at the same time...we have to see a World Leader take the helm one day.  This is the other side of the Cosmos thing.  The Bible speaks of a World Leader eventually coming to the scene.  I think it has to happen...


A side note - not in my life time or my kids (I hope) we will have to stabilize this earth.  We can't keep growing to billions & expect mother earth to sustain us.  How we do it, or how earth does it remains a mystery yet.  But, we see glimpses of this when some crazy storm..wave...earth quake...etc - knocks the population down in some region quickly...


Like I said, stuff running around my brain.


NOW


Let's go somewhere else in this random journey.


Christians.


Why do some of us feel so justified acting so UN Christlike?  I have mentioned this before.  But, I just don't get it.  It's like we feel completely at peace being so ugly...cold...indifferent..etc.  It's like if it's a person or sin we are at odds with - we feel completely right being completely wrong.


Moving ON


Extremes.


I watch too many people live in the extremes of life.  It's like we are either really on our game or really off our game...but seldom just staying in the game.  For example, I get a call from someone who is going to "get their life together".  So, they come of the gate screaming "game on".  Only to run out of breath in the 1st round...quit...go back to exactly where they were before.  Or, I see it with marriages...homes...and in other examples of life.  Why not learn to take steps we can perpetuate, rather than steps that we can't keep up with.  I see it all the time...


Well...


There was more about 3:30 this morning...but it doesn't sound like something to write about now.  Perhaps some clarity has awakened now, that wasn't there at 3:30.


Anyway...


Traveling On...


b


Also, I'm trying to learn how to use the LIKE button below.  If you don't mind hitting it - it would help me see how this thing works (& if it works).  Thanks.

HEY YOU...

At the risk of sounding a bit narcissistic...

I'd like to know who is following this blog...from where & if I do or don't know ya personally.

Really, I just want to know how God is using this blog.

I've chronicled a long journey thus far & will continue to do so...I will continue to share my journey - inclusive of our marriage...home...family...ministry...etc, as deemed helpful in that regard.

AND, by the numbers blogger tracks - it looks like it has become pretty far reaching.

Which, IMO, is part of what this is meant to be anyway...a ministry that lets each of us know that we can get back up...we can recover...we can live again.

So...

If ya don't mind - either on comments below or on fb - reply accordingly...I think it's set up so that you can simply click on "Add/post a comment" below & reply.  That would be great...


I don't need anything real detailed - just a 1st name...city...& how we know each other - if we do or not.  If you'd like to add any further comments - that would be great too.

It would mean a lot for you to reply...


Please & thanks...

bob

Living "In the Woods"

K...

So, I wrote about feeding the homeless recently.

Well, this past Sunday, when it was warm enough to wear a t-shirt outside, me, Shawn & 3 other couples went out into the woods.  Not just any woods.  We went where the homeless live in Tents...kind of like little Tent Cities - each made up of 2, 3 or more tents...plus a few other "living areas" - depending on the particular "city".

We went - to give them blankets, gloves, chap stick & to feed them a hot spaghetti meal.

So...for a couple hours, we went from one Tent City to another...5 or 6 in all.

Here's a little of what we saw that day.

The 1st Tent City.  There were 2 men there when we got there.  "There" was a place off Military Highway.  A place where we were all trespassing.  We actually had to have the vehicles driven away so we could "sneak" into the woods undetected.  The Tent City was on private property too.

These 2 men had "just finished a game of horseshoes" when we got there.  There was an aroma of bacon in the air - they were cooking "something good".  The one guy said, "everyday he wakes up is a blessing".  Plus that day, he had found "a turkey & 2 chickens...it was a good day".  Of course, found means he had climbed in a dumpster somewhere...he calls it blessed.  On a tree - they had a mirror hanging - not sure what they need that for - but maybe it makes 'em feel a little more normal.  The guy wanted to show us in his tent - he had just installed "wall to wall" carpet...he called it "nice".

As we walked away - I asked "why are they there?"  "Lost his job...don't know about the other guy" was the answer.

The Next City was right beside a Grocery Store.  We didn't actually see anyone there, they were out, most likely looking for some "blessings" in a dumpster somewhere.  The most memorable part of that City was a piece of garland wrapped around a small pine tree.  That was their Christmas decorations.  We left their food under a basket turned upside down, so no animals would get it before they returned.  Blankets & chap stick on top of the upside down basket...

The Next City - was down the tracks.  Literally, we walked about a 1/4 mile or more down some railroad tracks, escorted by the citizens of the City we were going to.  They had 3 dogs chained up to guard their "city".  2 pit bulls & some kind of a mix breed.  Suffice it to say - you will not sneak up on them.  Their city was a bit more elaborate.  They not only had a few tents, they had ropes all across the trees - holding a "roofing" system made of tarps.  It had the most people we ran into - inclusive of a woman, who says she's a mother to twins.  One of the guys there, told me "they were using their military survival skills" to make it.  This place was also right behind a neighborhood...though it was the most elaborate, it was more like a garbage pit as well.  Apparently, they have lived their a long time.  We all stood in a circle, holding hands & had prayer with them before we left.  They walked us back out...thankful we came.

The Next City had no one there...at 1st.  After "talking into the air", the guy somewhere in there (the woods), must have been convinced we were safe.  He came out to see us, but took a little bit of a "sneak up on them route" - just in case we weren't who we claimed to be...?  This city has a little bit of the "tarp" system too.  I was told this City & the last were in some kind of tiff over something.  I found that to be very strange.  Like the others, we gave him food, a blanket & chap stick.  At the empty tent , we left the food, blankets & chap stick just like before...I learned, that the upside down basket trick is common in the Tent City.  Oh, I almost forgot this place was full of cats...they were everywhere.

The Next & Last - was behind some stores...behind some homes...beside railroad tracks.  It was a nothing more than a tent & a mattress.  Someone lived in the tent & someone lived "on the mattress" - with no cover at all.  They weren't "home".  We left the stuff under & on "the basket".  The most memorable, almost eerie, part of this City was the memorial set up.  It was a stick in the ground with a pretty nice flower arrangement attached to it (much like you see on the side of the road where someone died).  It was placed there in memory of someone who had actually lost their life, right there - in the City.  Only what really got me was that we knew the lady who had died there.   Years ago, she had attended the church I used to Pastor.  Now, in a Tent City, there was a stick with some flowers on it - to remember her by.

When it was all done...we each got in our vehicles & drove home.  The drive home was almost surreal...

One thing that got me is - we really don't know (or want to know) that those people are right behind our neighborhoods...right beside the grocery stores...right beside the roads we drive everyday.  That is the reality of the world in which we are a part of & are meant to help in.  Several of them - simply lost their job...now they are living in a Tent City - right near our homes.

So, today, when it's so cold outside, I couldn't help but think about & pray for "those that have none"..."those that live in tents & call it home".

peace

b

Chick-Fil-A & 107 People Without Food

So


Yesterday I was at Chick-Fil-A with Shawn, Ashton & Taylor.  And, like usual, we said a prayer before eating.


Only, I got a little messed up in the prayer.  Not as in, messing up the words.  Rather, in giving thanks for "this food".


This food consisting of nothing special...a chicken sandwich & fries.


But, what messed me up was this.  About the time I was going to say "thanks for this food", I remembered where we were going that same evening...to feed the homeless.  IE those without food.


FOOD - the staple of life...they don't have any.  No matter their story - they have NO FOOD.


So.


As I got to the "thanks for this food" part - rather than being the words we always say...it was in the moment of thinking about those that have NONE.  That got to me.


For maybe the 1st time in a long time - I really meant "thanks for this food".  Saying it wasn't a routine...habit...the right thing to do.  No, this time it was really from a place of gratitude.


Then later that same evening...we went to "feed those that have none".


107 of them to be exact on this night.


I'll introduce you to a few of them...


Joe - a guy in his mid 20's.  His hair - not really in dreads, more like crumpled mess.  "Where ya from Joe?"  Norfolk was his answer.  I couldn't help but wonder "what's his story"?  His last words as he walked out the door "I'm just trying to stay warm man.  Thanks for the food".


A Family of 4.  Husband, Wife & 2 sons.  The youngest boy - maybe about 8.  Hardly tall enough to reach the drinks being served.  So to reach out to him the best we could at that time - we gave him TWO (2) cookies instead of the normal ONE (1).  They looked like completely normal people - everyday people...only they have No FOOD to eat.


Dan.  He came up to me & asked could he talk with me.  He's 40.  He's been out of jail for 2 weeks.  Already has a job...trying to recover from "a bad mistake".  He was humbled to the point of being  embarrassed.  He's "looking for a better job...needs a break".


Or the guy who ate extra beans - because they are "the real nutrition for the cold"...


Or the guy who said "they were the best beans he has ever eaten there".


Or the lady who said the same about the potatoes.


Or all the people who said "they had never been served BBQ" there before.  It was "one of the best meals they had in a long time".


Or the man who drank 2 cups of tea - "to keep hydrated".


They came by & thanked us "for the food".


They offered their "bless you's" to US!


So


Today, as I thanked God for my food - I prayed for those that have none.


Realizing - my prayers won't feed them...we have to do that.  We are the answer to the prayers.


I will go back & help feed them again...them being "those without food".


Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do [it] to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me. - Jesus


peace


b

Shhhhhhhhhhh....

A

Riddle...

Puzzle...

Contemplation...

Challenge...

Thought...

Key...

Secret...

Truth...

Duh...

What if there was a key to it all?  To life I mean.

What if there was some "thing" that if you had it - you were guaranteed to live a BETTER life.

BUT.

What if you were guaranteed to live a LESSER life without it.

Would you want it?

What if your life was MEANINGLESS without it.

BUT.

What if your life had tremendous MEANING with it.

Would you want it?

What if your life was SHALLOW without it.

BUT.

What if your life was SIGNIFICANT with it.

Would you want it?

What if this "stuff" could HEAL your heart if you have it.

BUT.

What if the lack of this "stuff" could eat your soul like a CANCER.

Would you want it - even more?

What if this "stuff" has the power to set you & others FREE when you use it.

BUT.

What if this same "stuff" has the power to ENSLAVE you & them if you don't use it.

Would you want it - even more?

What if, what I'm saying is 100% true.

Would you want it - more?

What if all the lives in your world would BENEFIT from you having it.

BUT.


What if every life in your world would SUFFER from you not having it.


Would you want it - more?


What if I told you that you ALREADY have it.


You not only have it - you have ALL you'll EVER NEED.


What is it?


LOVE

L.O.V.E.

L to the O to the V to the E

LOVE

Here's EXACTLY what the Bible says about LOVE & our life.

It's found in 1 Corinthians 13 (AKA the Love Chapter)

The Greatest Gift

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.  Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part.  But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.


When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.


And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

It teaches that love is the greatest gift in our life.

It teaches us that TO LOVE is mature.  To not is childish.

It teaches that, no matter what we do or accomplish in life, if we don't love, every piece of our life, is meaningless.

LOVE

It might be hidden within...it might be behind a hardened heart...it might be struggling for life under the weight of unforgiveness...it might be hard to give because it was never received...or something else might be strangling your love from living...

But.

God, himself being LOVE, has placed love within each of us.


HE will teach us all how to LOVE.

If we allow Him IN.


AND.


If we allow Him to TEACH us.


Do you still want it?


Do you want it - more?


All ya have to do is ask & allow it to live...


Try it...

Merry Christmas to all...

b

The GAINS...Real Conversations - No Bull

Back to some things I've gained in the last couple years...

I'm not sure why...But, one of the areas that has definitely changed is the depth of conversations I have & the depth of questions I now ask or answer.

I'm not sure how to explain this...

But, what I'm specifically speaking of is, not being afraid to ask or answer the questions really needing asked or answered.

Kind of a No Bull allowed thing...

An example...

You know how it feels when you are talking to someone having a really bad moment in life.  You know...they know...you both know you know.  Yet, you don't go there...you don't talk about it...you don't ask...they don't bring it up...that awkward feel - knowing you're avoiding something - but you just avoid it...and you talk about stuff that really doesn't matter.  Do you know what I'm trying to describe?

Anyway - I think we have all been there.

Well.

That's the stuff I am no longer avoiding.  The questions or conversations needing to be dealt with.  I go there.  Or, I allow others to go there.

It seems very real.  Very honest.  It feels like a breath of fresh air when it happens.

It's like you & they both feel relieved...free...connected...

The irony to it is - by going there, you feel more connected to that person...more in touch with where they really are in life...their story...their struggle...Or yours for that matter.

You feel more alive...more human...more caring...more _________ (something significant goes here).

Why is it a GAIN?  because, I used to not go there.  I'd leave that moment - feeling like something was missing.  Feeling like there was a void in what had just happened.

Not anymore.

NOW

Without having to force anything...it just happens.  Naturally so.

Maybe before - part of it was I either didn't care to hear it...was in too much of a hurry...was somewhere else in my thoughts...or something.

Also, I'd make it hard for people to ask the real questions or answer as superficially as possible at times.

You know what I'm talking about.  Knowing you either didn't ask (for whatever reason) or didn't answer (for whatever reason) the things really needing talked about.

NOW

I've learned to live in the moment.  To be there - all there.

I don't have this down completely - but when it happens...it's way cool.

Still growing...

b

The Power of Focus

I'm not sure if it's focus only that I am speaking of, or the lack of distractions as well.  I think it's both...


When you have this "focus" in your life, it provides incredible energy.


Focus = 


Clarity...


Being sure...


Confidence...


Zeal...


Ambition...


Desire...


Readiness...


Prioritization...


Pruning...


Unavailable for "less"...


Vision...


Dreams...


I don't mean focus provides one, two or three of these things.  No, I mean focus provides each of these things and so much more.


There's a moment in Alice in Wonderland, where Alice asks the Cheshire Cat for direction.  It goes like this:


Alice: Tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don't much care where.

Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.

Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

How often do we do life just like that?  Without direction?

That can't & won't happen when you're focused.  I say can't & won't because, you won't allow it.  Focus screams for purpose & intentionality.

I'm sure some people say there's a formula for focus...and there might be.  I don't know.

Here's what I know.  When you minimize all the "garbage...trash...sins...lesser stuff...mediocrity...whiners...excuses...& whatever else needs to be on this list" - then there's nothing left but focus.

Too often we give our best energy to all the crap that simply steals our best from us.  And, too often we don't even know...other than by this gut feeling that says "is this all there is to life..."?

Here's the other side of the same coin.  God has a plan for each of us.

He has promised to direct us...order our life...show us the plan...help us stay in it...

SO

Though I don't want to rush the Christmas season & all the great moments from now til the end of 2011.

BUT

I cannot wait until 2012.

God has given me an incredible focus & has gotten me/us to where the "less" has been displaced & is in the past.

Feeling the power of focus in many areas of life...it's a great way to see again.

peace...

b

The GAINS...Something I AM not Something I Do...

Somewhere along the way, I got lost.

When?  I don't know.

How?  I don't know that either.

Actually...it was one of those "I'm lost...but didn't know, until I was found again" things.  What I mean, is, I didn't know that I had lost so much with my relationship with Christ along the way.  "The way" being over the almost 18 years of Pastoring my 1st church.

Somewhere, I allowed "Following Christ" to become something that I did as opposed to something that I was.  But, I really didn't know how compartmentalized I had made my relationship with Christ.  Maybe I was too messed up...too lost within...too disoriented...too confused...too _____???

Somehow, I had put most of my following Him into some little compartment in my life.  And, I'd open it up when needed...and I'd keep it closed when I didn't "need" or want it.  Crazy.  But, I guess that's part of the whole sin deal...it's called deceiving for a reason...we are told to "be sober" for a reason...we are told that "satan is looking to destroy us" for a reason...he was portrayed as a "serpent" for a reason...

NOW...

I have been restored to a place in Him that is not some little compartment in my life...it's not something in a compartment that I open on Sunday & whenever else convenient.

NO...

Without question, one of the GAINS in my life (ministry & every other area of life) is that following Him is no longer just something I do.   It's now who I am - a Christ Follower.

It's no longer just a piece of me...it's me.  It's now in my psyche...my heart...my efforts...my zeal...my determination...my daily walk...it's now something I've learned to practice 24/7.

I hear ya - "shouldn't it have already been that way the whole time?"..."isn't that what we are all supposed to be doing anyway?"  YES!  That's part of my point...somewhere I lost that.  Now, it's been found again.

I can't even begin to fully explain how fully & how far reaching that renewal has been within my life...heart...soul...& how every facet of my life has been affected (renewed?  healed?) by this GAIN.

SO

All I am trying to say is this: From out of the mess of my sin(s)...I have been found again.  I have been made new.  I no longer can take or leave Christ as guiding my life, per my convenience...I have learned to allow Him to affect me to the core again...to change me from the inside out...to make what I portray, what I do & who I am become synonymous...

I am a Christ Follower in the Fullest sense of the word.

Praise God!

b

The GAINS...My wife as my FRIEND.

So...

What would I say I've gained over the last couple years?

Let's talk about my marriage...

I'll take you to a moment we had in the counselor's office.  (Part of the year long 40 - 45 marital sessions we had together with the Counselor...you know just part of the restoration process that some say we didn't go through).  Sorry I got off track - huh.

K.  I'm back on now.

The Counselor asked something like this: "Bob.  Of the 3 loves mentioned in the Bible - Eros (erotic), Agape (unconditional) & Phileo (friendship)...which is most missing in your marriage?"  It was a light bulb moment for me...& ultimately for our marriage as well.  Without hesitation, & to the disagreement of Shawn, I immediately said, "Phileo...friendship."

I'm telling you - it was an "aha moment".

Though I had taught about the 3 loves in the Bible, I had never considered them within the context of a marriage.

I realized, at that moment, that we had drifted apart over the years...allowing an area of our marriage to simply die.  Not that we noticed...it simply died a slow death...somewhere over the years.

I realized, at that moment - that Shawn & me were not friends...though we loved each other - we had no friendship to speak of.

I realized a key to our/my healing.  Friendship negates loneliness.

So, over the course of many talks...counseling sessions...dates...walks...coffees...and a whole lot more...we learned to become friends...great friends.

We diligently worked on, and still have to pay attention to, our friendship.

Now, without question, our friendship has become an area that has taken our marriage to a place it hasn't been for many many years.  Perhaps, it was never like this...ever.

We found common areas to become friends.  We quit saying no to doing things together.

Now.  We walk together on the beach.  We go to movies together not only as husband & wife...we go as friends.  We found areas of life to share in together.  We laugh.  We cry.  We have fun.  We have learned to "be our self" together.

Now, it's not uncommon for us to find some time in any given day...laughing together...smiling at each other...sitting together - just talking...connecting...sharing life together...being friends.

It's an incredible place we have gotten to.

So what is something I GAINED?

My wife is not only "my wife...my lover...the mother of my children...she's my Friend...something that I was searching for, for a long time.

I love you babe.  I'm glad that we are...

b

The COST...the GAINS...

Time to switch gears...

BUT

Before I do.  I want to say that the blogs on COST was not meant to be an exhaustive list of costs.  The ones I wrote about, were the ones that just seemed to be in my heart & were the ones I could most easily write about at this time.  I did try writing about other areas (finances & opportunities...) but they just didn't come together after several attempts...so I am moving on...

The thing that has been in my heart while writing the COST has been the other side of the same coin...the new OPPORTUNITIES in our life.

So...

I will follow that train of thought & see where we end up.

I'll start here...

In spite of how hard this restoration...rebuilding...renewal process has been...out of it has come some of the most incredible insights & discoveries I've had in my life.

One of the most significant is - God's incredibly deep work He's done in my life.  When I say I am not who I used to be - that is not a cliche...it's not some remark used flippantly...it's not something to say because it seems like it should be said.  No, it is exactly what it's called - God's incredible work deep within me.

It's not that God didn't always want to do this in me (or anyone else as far as that is concerned).  It's that, for whatever reason(s), I never let it happen.  Why?  I have no idea.  Well, actually I might have an idea or two, but that's all they are - ideas.

Did it take this mess to allow God to do this work?  Apparently for me, yes.  I wished I had taken a different path years ago, but it didn't happen.

BUT

Thank God - I truly am not who I used to be.

There were times along the way that I could "feel" God doing a work in my heart.   There were other times, that something simply changed within me.

I hate the COST & losses...

I love the GAIN within.

I love who God has made me to be.

SO...

With that said.

Thank you God for being gracious to me...thank you God that where sin did abound - your grace did much more abound...thank you God for being all that you are in my life...my marriage...my home...my family...and, the ministry you've allowed me back into.

I'm grateful that because of God...Shawn...my family...my friends - that I didn't bail on this process...that God gained access to somewhere within that needed changed...that we stayed with it...until.

I love love love knowing deep within how much you, God, have done within me.

excited & pressing on...

b

The COST INTERNALLY...Confidence in it all...

I want to say upfront - that though this blog is about my confidence...it's also an area that God has done a really deep work in as well.  It's more like - something that was a definite cost...but also something that God has restored as well.  I'll write about the COST.


When I speak about confidence...it's probably a number of "things" that I actually have in mind.


"Things" like:


Confidence...Uncertainty...Trust...Second guessing...Suspicious...Even fearful...


All non tangible...living somewhere within.  My heart?  Mind?  Spirit?  All the above?  I think so...yes - living within each & any at any given time.


If you knew me "before" - you'd know that NONE of the above were issues in my life - at all.  NONE.  I had confidence & had no fear.  Yet, each became something I had to wrestle with & learn to negate their influences over my life.  Thankfully, by God's grace...some relearning...some healing...& probably a few other ingredients...I have mostly gotten past each of them.  But, like an old nemesis, one or two of 'em, from time to time, tries to creep back in...it's all part of the COST.


Let me delve into my Confidence a little more.


IMO, it's a really complex area that can't be reduced to a saying...or some little cliche.  When I talk about losing my confidence, for me, it involves what I know of myself...what I learned about certain others...how some responded to my future being renewed...feelings as well as knowledge.  Then, of course, trying to live in what God really has to say about it...after you hear all the other opinions of it as well.  It's not easy just walking above all the stuff...don't let anyone tell you that it is.  Somewhere within, whatever the opposite of confidence is, at times would just overwhelm me.  It's part of the COST.


Confidence is not something that lives in a vacuum.  It's tied to the people in your life...their opinions...their responses...their silence...their anger...their love or their hatred...etc.  You can have all the confidence in the world - but if people don't allow it - it doesn't go anywhere.  So, confidence is also about people having confidence in you too.  I'm not talking about  every person in the world...that wouldn't be feasible.  I'm talking about people that matter to you...those you want to have a positive response from.  And those people may or may not be on the positive side at all.  That's how your confidence gets rocked even more...when people that matter - don't have confidence in you any longer.  You can't just ignore that.  It makes you go within & question a lot of things.  Again, it's part of the COST.


Then add to that...


Uncertainty.  I mean not really knowing anything for sure any longer.


Trust.  Not knowing who you can & can't trust.  Not knowing some people's agenda - because of having seen some who had/have such nasty agendas...you learn that not all is as it appears.  So, though you were not trust worthy, you are also reminded - there are a lot of people who can't be trusted.


Second guessing.  Yourself...others...


Suspicious.  This is not new for me, it just seems that it took on a bigger role...


Fearful.  This would have been the last thing you could have ever labeled me before - afraid.  It didn't exist anywhere in my life.  But, for a while, it was like a crazy monkey I couldn't get off my back.  It showed up in a lot of ways...it would raise it's head from time to time...it took awhile to really kill this one.  It was all part of the COST of the life I had lived for too too long.


Thankfully...Confidence is being renewed each & every Sunday.  Each & every prayer.  Each & every friendship restored or each friendship being formed.  God has a way of speaking to that same place where confidence was lost & renewing you/it in a really deep & significant way.


By confidence being restored, I don't mean in some braggadocios or arrogant way.  I simply mean, being confident that God really does what God says.  He will restore...He will pick you up out of your mess...His grace really is greater than your sins...on & on & on.


By confidence, I mean walking in the knowledge of who I am in Him being separate from what I've done.


By confidence, I mean allowing God to do such a deep work in you...that you know you are finally no longer the person who sinned...you truly have been renewed...reborn...restored.


By confidence, I mean sitting with God & knowing that you & Him are really ok.


Yet, from time to time...it ALL gets tossed back in the air...uncertainty rushes in...questions get bigger than the answers...fear tries to displace faith...Sadly, at times, it doesn't take much...it's part of the COST.


It feels like you become a bit gun-shy...fearful...weary...it's not a good feeling at all.


Then...by God's grace - you are reminded of what you've known all along.  God loves you regardless...you are surrounded by people that really love you no matter.  And that's all you need to know...for when it's all said & done - that's all you have anyway.


It's really about which of the voices you are going to listen to most...which ones are going to have the bigger influence over you & your life.  For me, I choose confidence over fear.  I choose friend over foe.  I chose God over them all.


With that - I press on...& when my confidence is shaken in any way...I know somewhere God will find a way to remind me...that I can be confident of 1 thing - no matter...

being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you (me) will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ...

by his grace...

b