Somewhere along the way, I got lost.
When? I don't know.
How? I don't know that either.
Actually...it was one of those "I'm lost...but didn't know, until I was found again" things. What I mean, is, I didn't know that I had lost so much with my relationship with Christ along the way. "The way" being over the almost 18 years of Pastoring my 1st church.
Somewhere, I allowed "Following Christ" to become something that I did as opposed to something that I was. But, I really didn't know how compartmentalized I had made my relationship with Christ. Maybe I was too messed up...too lost within...too disoriented...too confused...too _____???
Somehow, I had put most of my following Him into some little compartment in my life. And, I'd open it up when needed...and I'd keep it closed when I didn't "need" or want it. Crazy. But, I guess that's part of the whole sin deal...it's called deceiving for a reason...we are told to "be sober" for a reason...we are told that "satan is looking to destroy us" for a reason...he was portrayed as a "serpent" for a reason...
NOW...
I have been restored to a place in Him that is not some little compartment in my life...it's not something in a compartment that I open on Sunday & whenever else convenient.
NO...
Without question, one of the GAINS in my life (ministry & every other area of life) is that following Him is no longer just something I do. It's now who I am - a Christ Follower.
It's no longer just a piece of me...it's me. It's now in my psyche...my heart...my efforts...my zeal...my determination...my daily walk...it's now something I've learned to practice 24/7.
I hear ya - "shouldn't it have already been that way the whole time?"..."isn't that what we are all supposed to be doing anyway?" YES! That's part of my point...somewhere I lost that. Now, it's been found again.
I can't even begin to fully explain how fully & how far reaching that renewal has been within my life...heart...soul...& how every facet of my life has been affected (renewed? healed?) by this GAIN.
SO
All I am trying to say is this: From out of the mess of my sin(s)...I have been found again. I have been made new. I no longer can take or leave Christ as guiding my life, per my convenience...I have learned to allow Him to affect me to the core again...to change me from the inside out...to make what I portray, what I do & who I am become synonymous...
I am a Christ Follower in the Fullest sense of the word.
Praise God!
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