Every Story Has 2 Sides...

I used to be (well, I still am at times) pretty judgmental.  Well, perhaps prejudiced would be a better word?


I don't mean prejudiced in a racial way.  I mean more in, "once I hear a story about someone"...I pre-judge them or it.  I form all the opinions I need & I'm done after that.  I come to my own conclusions...develop my own reactions & responses...decide how I will or will not handle it...etc.


Prejudiced means to pre-judge...or to form an opinion NOT based on reason or experience.


That's what I mean...I'd prejudge the entire deal off of one side of the story...or even part of the story...or sometimes just a rumor that was close to a story.  Actually, it's probably safe to say, the story was, at times, an excuse to validate some personal feelings I already had to start with...now I could use them on someone, because of "the story".


I don't really have an example...but I was good at it - in very certain ways.


It seems like I had certain people that I just needed an excuse to not like anyway...done.  Or, once I had someone "validate" my suspicions...done.  Whether the story was true or not, was secondary to where I ended up on it.  I just needed a story.  Then I would move on...done.


I didn't repeat the story.  No, that would be wrong.  I now, simply had a reason within for my feelings or thoughts.  Of course, since I wouldn't repeat the story, about all I'd say about it or about them would be "I have my reasons"...or, "trust me..." or, something like that.


ANYWAY


I'm not sure you'll get that part of things.  But, I hope you'll get the rest of this.


Every Story has 2 Sides.


Always Has & Always Will.


We all know that from the jump already.


However, I was too quick to accept the 1 side of a story, believe it as the truth...fill in the blanks...done.


Not anymore.  If I can't validate the other side OR if I don't really care about the story - I'm out.  No harm & no foul.


That way I'm not "pre-judging" someone or something before I know about both sides of the story.  And, I'm not wasting my energy on something that really doesn't concern me.


Every Story has a VERY Subjective Side to it.


You've heard it - "that's my story & I'm sticking with it".


We tend to tell it the way we want it heard, rather than telling it honestly &/or objectively.  Our version will almost always have only our thoughts...our emotions...our ideas...our directives...and whatever else we think should become part of the story.  After all, it's our story & our audience as well.


Again, telling the whole truth is almost impossible...for many reasons.  This is not only my opinion - it's scientific truth.  Once we wire our brain in a certain way with the story - we believe that it's the truth - regardless.  So, of course, we then tell it just like that...as being the truth...tone of voice...feelings...emotions...reactions...all validating "the truth".


I love the line in a NeedtoBreathe song.  It says "just because I'm wrong...it don't make you right.  No you ain't right".



So.  I've learned to not take a person's story as being pure.  It's theirs - therefore it can't be without something they've added...for whatever reason.

It's My Story...I'll Cry if I Want To.


It's crazy how "right" we can be...while being totally wrong.  But, once we are set on our story or the story, you'd do better trying to push water uphill than tell someone "there's another side to this" or suggest they might not be seeing it right.


Crazy - You don't even have to be a part of the story.  You can be the person they "wanted to talk to".


I'm sure we've all been there...where you try to suggest "there's 2 sides to this"..."maybe they didn't mean it to sound like that"...or something that tries to normalize their side.


The moment you try to even suggest being more objective - BAMM.  All hell breaks loose.  Why?  Because now, you are choosing "the others' side" or "you are saying what everyone else said" or something that makes them feel like a victim - again.


Most people are more concerned about their point of view than they are about being right.


So, you can't help them...because anything against their story is seen as an attack or something like that.  So, they shut down...shut you out...withdraw...and live in "their story".


Anyway.


I know I have learned to not put a lot of stock in someone's story, when it's: inflamed with emotions...full of feelings...has some cost...covering their tail...about someone not there...against someone else...shared as "don't repeat this"..."you didn't hear this from me"...etc...


Blah blah blah blah...



God said it like this in Deut. 19:15 (the Message)  You cannot convict anyone of a crime or sin on the word of one witness. You need two or three witnesses to make a case.

Not that I have this down completely yet.  Because, there still are times I jump right in the middle of a story...only to be reminded...there's another side to this...

It just seems like we more often want to convict or even "crucify" someone, rather than restore or help them.

peace

b