Oct 28, 2011

I’d Just Like to Say a Few Words (Copied from POTSC Blog)


Copied from a blog on People of the Second Chance (POTSC)

I was driving home from a prayer meeting and reflecting on a a twelve year old girl I work with whose parents divorced last week.  Got me thinking about how sometimes you’re desperate to find the right words to say to people.  Whether it’s this girl or the homeless dude on the street or your friend who has screwed things up big time or even just talking to myself, sometimes finding words that speak light and hope and life is difficult.
Sometimes our hearts are wrenched from within our chests, trying to find their way into our mouths to say there is a second chance but our tongues can’t contort themselves into anything that resembles words.  We just stand there flailing inside like an accidental skydiver or a mute with a song on his heart and the moment passes and we don’t get to say anything.
I want to say words that have some meaning
That bring some clarity to proceedings.
I want to say words like reconstructed vases
That issue speeding tickets to the minds of broken people
That shatter self delusions of the permanency of fragmentation.
I want to say words that invite citadels from quicksand
That call sprawling empires out of house fires.
And I want to say words like mismatched Lonsdale battles that smack into your head
That smack into your head
That smack into your head
That smack into your head
That smack into your head
That smack into your head
That smack into your head
That smack into your head
That smack into your head
until you see stars.
I want to say words that fell lampposts and their fluorescent falsities
That summon darkness out of lies and summon stars out of darkness
Words that speak of burning fireballs more than streetlight bulbs that pop and die.
I want to say words that rip through flesh and shatter ribs
That grab hearts and massage to
Slowed
Down
Beats.
Be
Low
Res
Ting
Rates
Where
Oth
Er
Sen
Ses
Grow.
Where eyes see dances between aphids and ladybirds
Or ladybugs or whatever you want to call them.
Words that call for no names just descriptions
Of the glory of silken wings birthed from brittle shells.
I want to say words that pinch noses and breathe hurricanes into drowning lungs
phhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Words that explode cotton threads from stitched up lungs
That let lungs gasp breath and life and hope
That shake off shipwrecked ropes that hold anchors that weigh down light
And keep hearts heavy.
I want to say words that make folly of the now and mock the antiquity of death
That punch holes in mountains and erect floodlights in caves
Words that scream “THERE IS NO FEAR HERE.”
I want to say words that excavate a tunnel through the darkness
words like pickaxes and sledgehammer blows and furious hands
that scramble like desperate rats for cracks of daylight.
I want to say words that fail to echo, no walls for bounced back waves
Too expansive and eternal for nonsense like chains and padlocks.
I want to say words that say
We’re not done
It’s not over
And
And
And
I’d just like to say a few words.

Josh Hamilton...A Person of the 2nd Chance

Oct 27, 2011

LABELS - They Come with Emotions Attached



So...

As I reflected more on this Labels thing...I realized that there's a little more that comes with the whole Label thing.  At least for me.

Not only do I label someone...I have a lot of emotions attached to those labels as well.  What I mean is, that when I think of, hear of, run across certain people's names (those I have labeled), I have emotions that take off pretty quickly.  If I hear about them in any fashion, I have a response within...typically anger or something close to it.  IE I get ticked almost immediately.

So, not only do I have these labels floating around within...that's bad enough.  I also have these emotions that run with them.  It's like they are traveling partners.  For me, it seems, the 2 are inseparable.

In coming to this realization, I now have even more incentive to work on this area in my life.  One of the main reasons to work on this personally, is that I am allowing people to live as they say "rent free in my head".  And thereby, these people, some of which I don't really like, are having a negative impact on my life.

Ironically, this has nothing to do with some unforgiveness or anything like that.  It seems much more subtle than that.  Like, labeling gets to hang out in your brain & heart, partly (or mostly) by feeling justified or right by the label used.  But, it's affect on your life (my life) is nothing but negative.  The subtlety of it, is that the label feels right...does this make any sense at all?  I feel right in the label I apply & in feeling justified, I totally ignore all the other pieces that come with it...like negative feelings...emotions...thoughts...etc.

So, not only is labeling someone wrong...the backdoor of labeling is how it negatively affects your life as well.

Again.  Just being honest.  Trying to keep going more & more free.

peace

b

Oct 26, 2011

LABELS




A site I follow: POTSC (People of the Second Chance) has been throwing out questions about Labels lately.  Both those you wear & those you put on others.

I read all POTSC sends out.

The "what labels are you wearing" got my attention.  I thought through that some & definitely know a couple labels that I have to keep cutting off me.  It's kind of like the way you cut labels off the back of a shirt...I have to do the same in my life from time to time.  Labels are funny things.  I'm not sure if I put them back on me or if I feel the "label application of others" & then have to cut them off.  Either way, I deal with a couple labels...

But, what got me even more was, "the labels I put on others".  Truth is, I tend to judge some people pretty quickly.  Here's the irony, it's not the full blown sinners I judge.  It's the "Christians".

It seems I have a lot of tolerance for sinners...not so much on the "Holier than Thou's".

Even the label "Christians" has a bad taste in my mouth.  The 1st time it was used in the Bible was not a compliment...and that's about where I've gotten with it too.  I'm not saying I'm right, it's just that anymore "Christian" feels religious to me...and religion kills.

But, for me, it goes further than that.  There are certain "Christians" that I really have no tolerance for.  I have slapped some pretty tough labels on them...like hypocrite...fake...phony...shallow, liar, religious & a few I can't really type out.  But, who am I to label anyone??? I mean, seriously, who are any of us to judge each other?  I'm a sinner saved by the same grace...like everybody else.  The bad thing is, I feel like I've labeled them correctly...which sounds even worse in typing & admitting it.  I guess that's really the struggle with labels - you feel right in the ones you use.  If you felt wrong about the label, you wouldn't be putting it on them - huh...?  Hmmmmmmm.

So, in dealing with this today, I realize I need to pray about some things living in my heart.  Some bad tastes...some "you really suck" type of things I've placed on others.  NOTE: they don't know I've placed these labels on their back...I know.  And ONLY I know.  Well, God knows too.

That's the rub for me.  If it's living in my heart, I need to deal with it.  The issue is not whether I've labeled them right or not.  The issue is that I've labeled them at all.  It seems like a form of judgment...and that is wrong.  If you've ever been judged (or pre-judged which is the word prejudiced against) then you know how that feels.

What I'm realizing is, that being right or wrong on the labels is irrelevant.  It's none of my concern.  It's God's deal & I have to allow Him to deal with it...

So.

God help me clarify my heart in regard to some things that just live in there about others.  Please.

Just being honest...for there's freedom in truth.

peace

b

Oct 22, 2011

Random...My brain makes no sense sometimes...



Stuff rambling around in my head...

The Middle East

No matter the "advances" we seemingly make - I never have a warm fuzzy that we have arrived.  They live by a completely different set of rules & expectations in their world.  Whether it's taken out some terrorist or leader... or some drone strike... or announcement that elections will be held... or that troops will be coming home...etc.  It never feels like we are finally there.  Anyone else feel this way?

Presidential Elections

It just seems like for the last few elections we are having to choose the "least" of the worst.  No one seems to really just be the one for the dilemmas facing America.  Then add to it the division that exists between parties - how can anyone really make progress.  So, we have all these potential candidates talking typical political verbiage & the ever famous political non answers to the questions being asked...leads us to the same ole same ole.  It's a bit of irony to me that we have the freedom to vote - no one to really vote for.

Labels People Give Us

(I'll actually be doing a blog for this soon).  It landed on my radar compliments of FB the other day.  Words really do affect us.  We can have a label attached to our life at any time & then struggle living above it.  Amazing.

Silence

As powerful as words are, silence is equally as powerful.  Not only is it powerful, it's easily misunderstood and/or misinterpreted too.  It's easy to put a negative spin on silence - especially when we are dealing with some sort of label too.

God

What does our faith really mean?  How much should it impact our life?  Should it mean more than just being a good person?  To believe in God - should mean something right?  G.O.D.


Other things drifting around...not needing any explanation:

Music...

Genesis...

This thing we call Generational Curses - another blog coming on it...

Baseball playoffs...

Fall colors...

Cooking on the grill...

Blessings...

Kyndall & Jorden's engagement party...

Family...

Friends...

Weekends...



anyway...

have a great weekend.

peace

b

Oct 21, 2011

My Favorite Athletes of All Time




So...my post from yesterday got me to thinking about some of my favorite athletes of all time...thought I'd try to name them.  (Most favorites are in bold).

Boxers 1st.  When I was growing up, we had boxing on, on a regular basis - before pay per view.  Here are a few I was really into...

Marvin Hagler - without a doubt, my most favorite fighter of all time.  Bad to the bone.  Macho Camacho - fast as lightning.  Donald Curry.  Mike Tyson - probably the baddest fighter (& biter (sorry)) ever.  Loved watching how intense he was.  No one fought him without being intimidated.

UFC - leaves boxing in the dark ages IMO.

Matt Hughes.  Randy Couture.  Condit.  Hamill.  GSP.  But the baddest dude on the planet - Anderson Silva.

Strongman

To me the greatest dude ever in the Strongman Comp was Pudzianowski.  Stud bolt.  No one like him - period.

A great manly game to follow all that up with - Tennis.  A game actually I played for about 1 month...but there was a guy that had my attention none the less.

His name - John McEnroe.  I loved watching him explode on the court...I mean go totally off...breaking racquets...going off on some judge about a call...showing where the ball went out...something.  Anytime he was on the court - all hell could break loose at any time.  No etiquette at all.  Yes.  Another, though a distant 2nd, was Jimmy Connor.

Basketball - the game with too many moving parts for me.  When it came to dribbling the ball & moving at the same time - that was the end of "my game".  That doesn't mean there weren't a few players I liked though.

Of course, MJ.  Poetry in motion.  Dennis Rodman seems like a great follow up to him.  No poetry - just free expression.  I liked watching him take everyone he faced out of their game.  I could have done without him donning the wedding dress though.  Larry Bird.  Dr. J.

Can't stand Charles Barkley at all...lost me when he spit on somebody.  Don't like Mr. Kobe either.  Sorry, I digress.  That might be another blog...

Baseball - probably my most watched sport of all.

Some old school players.

The Bird Fidrich.  He actually talked to the baseball...too cool & too crazy.  Oilcan Boyd...so animated to watch.

Name any of the 86 Mets & I'm there.  Carter...Gooden...Knight...Strawberry...Backman...HOJO.  However, Lenny Dykstra is one of my most favorite athletes of all, but man he has messed his life up big time.

Bash Brothers...Canseco & McGwire.  McGwire is def one of my favorites of all time as well.  Ricky Henderson.  Ripken Jr.

More current players...

Jeter - talent & class.  The only Yankee you'll ever be able to say both about.  Pedroia - the new Dykstra.  Manny - but has a really bad wrap going right now & a bad attitude when he left the game.  Pujols.  Johnson...killed a bird pitching.  Not too many can make that claim.  Schilling...the real red sock.  Thome.  Martinez - slammed an old guy like a champ.  Papi.  Beckett.  Hamilton.

NASCAR

My earliest sporting event...the Dover 500.

I can still picture 'em driving the old 70's model cars.  There are several drivers I liked back then.  However, I'm not sure why - but my favorite driver was Pearson.  More current drivers - Dale Earnhardt of course.  No one badder than he was.

Football

Without being redundant from my prior blog, Barry Sanders will always be near the top for me - Fluid.  Jerry Rice.  Reggie White - intimidation.  Lambert - see preceding.  Dickerson.  Seau.  Dent.  Long.  There are more, but they are on the blog before this one.

Horses.  I'm not sure they are athletes, but I love watching 'em run.

Secretariat - no brainer here.  Seattle Slew would be an other I remember.

What about Michael Phelps...like a fish & a bowl.  hah - that's funny right there.

Golf

I really hope Tiger gets his game back...but it's not looking good.  Without question, he is the best player ever.  Payne Stewart was probably one of my all time fav's...died in a freak plane accident.  There are a couple others, but they are periphery players for me.

I do not like Mickelson at all.  Master of the choke IMO.  Digression again.

Women Athletes...no list would be complete without them.  I realized in writing this - I really don't watch any sports with women as the predominate athlete in them.

But there is 1 or 2, or 3, that I like.

1st & by far the way above #2 would be Serena Williams.  I cheered for Retton.  I remember Evert.  Sorry, coming up with 3 was a challenge.

My favorite athlete ever - Ashton.  There was nothing better than watching him play.  I'd rather see him play than any other athlete on the planet...anytime...anywhere.

K...well there it is.  This is one of those lists that you could work on forever...as you remember names.  But, in an effort to just do this list, if I couldn't think of them, apparently they weren't as popular for me as they were for someone else.  So, I'm sure your list would be different & I'm sure mine would be too as soon as I think of another athlete...but I'm not updating it.  It is what it is.

Hope it took ya down memory lane...

Oh, and I like curling too - just don't know any famous curlers out there.

b

Oct 20, 2011

My Team Colors



I'm a horrible football fan...specifically a horrible NFL football fan.  As a matter of fact, if you are a serious fan of the big professional football league - I irritate you.  Truth is, you & I don't understand each other when it comes to team loyalty.

Why?  Because I am not loyal to a team at all.  You are loyal to a team - no matter...I'm not.  Well, that's not exactly true - I WAS loyal to the Colts, but ONLY while Tony Dungy was their coach.  When he left, my Colts days were over.  Which I guess, is part of why I'm not a good fan - it's hard to follow a team for me - I follow individuals instead.

I have had 2 other teams I liked in my life - Steelers & Raiders.  But, I'm talking Old School for both.

I liked the Steelers, but again, not the team, it was the people on the team.  Like Bradshaw, Swann, Stallworth, Greene, Blount, Harris, Bleier, Ham, Greenewood...etc.  Guys that were awesome...who happened to be on the same team.

Then the Raiders... Guys like Biletnikoff, Shell, Upshaw, Guy, Hayes, Matuszak, Sistrunk, Stabler...etc. Guys that were awesome...who happened to be on the same team.

A few other players along the way (mostly Da Bears): McMahon...Singletary, Payton, Urlacher...I'm sure there are a few others I'm not thinking of.

You see, liking players is a lot harder than liking a team.

Then there were coaches like Madden...Ditka...Noll...and lastly Dungy.

See - it's individuals that I have followed over time...not teams.  So, when a player, or coach, is no longer a on a team - my dilemma is even worse, for where the player, or coach, is or isn't, I am there too...or not.

I tried liking the Jets this year.  I like them because they are trash talkers...like the Old Raiders.  But, they are not good enough to talk smack this year - so I'm done with them.  If I can't stick with a team, I really can't stick with a losing team.  It's all about "winning...duh".

Then, to make it even worse...they took the tough & fun out of the game.  You can't tackle the QB, they are all sissies now...you can't celebrate without a penalty...you can't hide pens in your socks...or make any "I rocked you" gestures...blah blah blah.  It's just not what it used to be - IMO.

So, I don't have a NFL team hat...I have an old Colts Jersey (it's Harris - who ended up messing his career up with a gun - go figure).  For baseball, I have a few Sox hats...a few T shirts & I have an old Manny Ramirez jersey from his time on the Indians (my favorite jersey of all)...and that's about it.

So, if you have both a hat & a jersey of the same team - in my book - you are a REAL fan.

For me, I don't have a hat or jersey for the same team...but if I get one...then it's on.  Well, that is, until some particular player leaves...

Anyway...

Go team...hat or no hat.

Oct 19, 2011

God's Will...Thoughts w/out Answers.



K...

Lately I've been tossing around the idea of "God's Will".  It's a common term in the Christian world.

Typically, when we talk about God's Will, we are talking about his direction for our life...or some piece of our life.  When we are looking for it, how do we go about finding it?

It's not that I don't believe in God having a "will" or "purpose" for our life - because I absolutely believe that.  What I'm wrestling with is - what does that mean?

The short answer that I can agree with is: "God's will for your life will be tied to some purpose beyond your own life...that will benefit God's kingdom & humanity".  Agree.

But, how much does that get into?

Does God really care about your job or career?  Choices you make that will affect the rest of your life in some capacity?  Daily choices from the time you wake up til the time you go back to sleep?  I mean how far does God really have a "will" for your life.  How little does God want to micro manage your life...or how big does God want to macro manage your life?

Also, (this is the main point of this for me), how subjective is God's will?  It makes sense that God's will, will be tied to your own DNA...your likes...dislikes...abilities or lack there of...etc.  But, will it always be tied to that?  Will He ever "go against the grain" in our life?  Will His will ever be inconvenient...hard...a test...something you endure...Would He ever have you do something you didn't like?  Pray for someone that's not your friend?  Minister to someone you didn't like?  Etc...

I think the answer is yes...

But, my observation & experience, is that we often feel like God's will is most always going to be a warm fuzzy.  And, to that, I'm not sure.  It just seems that we make God's will on some (most) things very convenient personally...as to avoid the tough things.  Maybe even feeling like "that can't be His will" because it doesn't feel right.  Really?  Is that how it works?

Again, I'm not sure.

In reading the Word, it seems there are times that men or women or families or or or...had to go against the comfort zones of their existence as God directed them.  It seems like we have lost some of that in our walks.

Just because it's out of our comfort zones shouldn't be enough to say "it must not be God's will"...should it?

Just wondering...

b

Oct 18, 2011

Perspective is Everything...



They say that "how you see it is your reality".  I think there's a lot of truth in that statement.

If you see the proverbial "glass as being half-empty" it is...if you see it as being "half-full" it is.  Your perception is your reality.

With that being said...I am a blessed man.

I was awake early this morning - reflecting on the past several days...just counting my blessings.

Friday night - Shawn & I went out with our best friends for dinner...then we hung out & listened to a friend of our play some great music for the evening.  Just a great night.

Saturday - Studied...hung out some with Shawn when we were able.

Sunday - Genesis...then went to lunch with about 50 or so friends afterwards...then went to Jim & Deanna's for some football, friends & food.  A great day.

Monday - Shawn & I went with Kyndall & Jorden to look at wedding venues...(my sister Deb, went too - which was cool).  We rode to the Eastern Shore...it brought back good memories of yesteryear...another great day.

Monday Evening - Ashton cooked dinner for the entire family (shish kabobs on the grill)...then we all hung out & carved pumpkins...Taylor brought her usual artistic expression to her pumpkin.  Overall it was laughs...goofy pics...a fun time together...another great day.

Just good stuff all the way around...no matter where I look - the glass is more than half full.

Now, if I wanted, I could find the half empty stuff of bills...leaky faucets...blah blah blah... IF I wanted to.    But, I choose not to.  I choose to see all the incredible blessings in my life.

Truth - I'm a blessed man.

Faith...Family...Friends...

What more could you ask for...because, when it's all said & done - that's all you have anyway.

peace.

b

Oct 15, 2011

Some Reasons that I Love Fall



Just some randomness about the Fall weather.

I like fall weather.  I love the feel of "cool" in the air (as opposed to hazy...hot...humid - yuck).

I love that crisp morning air.

I like when the grass has dew on it in the morning.

I like fall colors - especially those trees that turn either bright orange or red...too cool.

I like sleeping with the windows open.

I like wearing jeans & a long sleeve t...might be the greatest outfit ever invented.  Sometimes flops & sometimes boots - but great either way.

I like not sweating by just going outside.

I like the fact that flies will be gone & I can sit on the deck without them.

I like the fact that mosquitoes & gnats...are gone as well.

I like being able to light the fire pit at night & hang out with Shawn & whichever kids join us.

I like knowing this is deer season too.

I like coffee on the deck.

I like baseball playoffs.

I like not having to cut the grass for a while now.

I like lower ac bills.

I like Shawn in jeans & a t too.

I like just knowing it's not going to be hot for a long time.

I like cooking on the grill.

I like the holidays that are coming up.  I mean seriously, you have Halloween...Thanksgiving...CHRISTmas...and New Years all within 8 weeks.

I like pumpkins carved...thanksgiving dinner...presents being opened by kids...new years coming in.

I like the smell of a fire burning a fireplace.

I like knowing I can break out a sweat shirt soon too.

I like riding with the windows down...then when it's cold enough - still riding with the windows down only then with the heater on too.

I like college football being on.

I like that we can now get back to the killer combo of tomato soup & grilled cheese.  Yes!

I like the fall...

Oct 14, 2011

Is IT Biblical - A Greater Good...




In my last blog, I attempted to deal with the division that happens over our different values or beliefs.   My goal in throwing that out there is simply to get us to consider our agenda & the end product when we are trying to correct each other for wrong reasons.

So, let's go the other direction.  When is the question, "Is it Biblical", a better question.  IMO, it's best utilized when we are searching for our own truth.  IE when we are trying to live something out in our life & not that of another.

I hang out with me - a lot.  And I've found out that I have enough areas I'm trying to get right without having to try to get others to agree with some of my personal convictions (or lack there of).

Personally, I think the Biblical question is great - when it's asked on your own personal journey.

To be Biblical, to me, means to find what the Bible has to say about something & figure out it's intended meaning or application for my life.  Part of the problem, even for personal searches, is that the Bible is not always crystal clear on subjects.  Some things it just says straight out, while other subjects it's not as clear.  Then to make it even more difficult, it's completely silent on others.

So, being Biblical, is not always a black & white issue, even for personal inquisition.  It requires us to read what it says.  AND then I think it requires us to have an open mind/heart as to how it does or doesn't apply to our life.  If it's not in black & white, it's hard enough to figure out personally.  I'm not sure we can then take our belief on less than obvious areas & try to give it to someone else.

Another aspect of this whole deal, is that we are ALL in a journey...AND we are not all at the same spot on the journey.  Just because it's something you're dealing with, doesn't make it something I'm dealing with.  I may deal with it one day or I already may have...either way, I may not be where you are.  we seem to be very short-sighted with this at times.

I think the ambiguity the Bible has on some subjects & silence on others is precisely why, when Christ was asked what's the main rule...He answered like this...

"Love the Lord God with all your heart...soul...mind & strength."

Then He added a 2nd saying it was equally important as well.

"Love your neighbor (others) as you love yourself".


He said that all the others rules (600+ of them) rest on these 2.  If we get these right - being Biblical will come to each of us.

peace

b

Oct 13, 2011

Is IT Biblical?





Is it Biblical...a question I hear from time to time.


However, the context of the question is not typically sincere...it's usually either to defend a point of view against someone else OR to question something someone else is doing, that we are not in agreement with.  If the question were sincere, it would most likely be about our own behavior, not an others, & then it would be a great question/discussion.


What I mean is, if we were coming from a "hey I really care about you getting this right" point of view, I think the entire context & subsequent conversation(s) would be something that we grow closer through as opposed to it being something that comes between us.  A person looses ALL influence & permission when we are divided...so, if "love & concern" were the motives, we shouldn't let something divide us.  Right?


Another observation is, we ask the "is IT Biblical" thing in very small context.  IE we don't ask that about everything - just the things we have an interest in for whatever reason.


Here's a one of the topics we want to ask the BIG question on...


Are tattoos Biblical?  Or we will ask it like this, "Doesn't the Bible say something about tats"?  Or like this, "the Bible says..."  Now what we are really saying is "I think tattoos are wrong...& I will hand you my beliefs on them...AND I'll use the Bible to validate my belief...AND if you get a tattoo, I think you are definitely in sin of some kind."


Here's the scripture you are using...


It's Leviticus 19:28 "You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the LORD."


I could go on about context of the scripture & a few other points...but I won't, mainly because that's not my point at all.  Here's my point...


We don't really want to have to be "Biblical" except in areas we feel strongly about or have no problem with or...or...or...


For example...a few verses before the "tat" verse...


Leviticus 19:19 says this "Don't wear clothes woven of two kinds of material."  It means we shouldn't wear cotton & wool together.  Have you ever been guilty of that sin?  Or this one "Don't plant your fields with two kinds of seed."  Have you ever planted more than 1 type of seed in your garden...if so, you are a sinner!!!  Not according to me - but to your own logic.


You see.  We really don't want to have to be Biblical...not really...do we?  I mean really...


Do you see what I mean?  We don't ask the big question until we are trying to protect a personal belief or trying to talk someone in or out of something that we believe in...


So, again, just so we are clear...I am not arguing the right or wrong of tats...I am trying to point out a greater flaw often found in our search for so called Biblical adherence, and that is - impure motive.  If we end up further apart because of it - it probably wasn't pure in motive to start with.


I have numerous "topics" that we could throw into this mentality...However, I think the greater focus is on "why do I really care about this"?  "What am I trying to prove"?  ETC...


I think if we looked at the end product of said arguments...we'd see - there's something wrong with our "Biblical adherence"...


Jesus taught that the world would know us by our love one for another...


peace...


b

Oct 11, 2011

Weird...












Warning - might be offensive to some.  Hardhat & safety glasses required.


Some more stuff that just won't get out of my brain...

Friends.  The subject has been swimming in my brain a lot lately.

But, it's the estranged friend thing that won't leave my thoughts...

The whole "we were born strangers...we will die strangers...but in between, we were friends & it was good" thing.

How's that all work?  How does this whole friendship thing work?  What is a friend?  How do you know?  What's real?  How do you know?  When is it worth it to really go after a friendship...when is it not?  How do you know?

They say there are 3 types of friends in your life.  Friends for a Reason...friends for a Season...friends for a Lifetime.  I'm not sure if that's true or not...but it puts some things in perspective...it also muddies some things up too.

Like, how do we become such good strangers once we have been such good friends?

I know the answer for some is because someone (I or you) screw a friendship up...I get it - but that's still weird.  To act like we never knew each other - ever again...weird.  Maybe it's not...I don't know.

To make it even more weird - it's not that all "former" friends would be on this "missed" list...some would & some wouldn't.  You miss some...some you don't.  How's that work? Why are some missed & some not?

Then of course, there's that moment when your paths cross...at a store...the mall...restaurant...etc.  That moment where you either: choose to fake some hello...and you both know you're faking... or you choose to act like you don't see each other.  Either or both are weird.

Or, to make the choice to just not be friends...again weird.

What about when no one screwed it up...and you simply choose to not be friends again.  I would assume there is a reason somewhere...but often it goes unspoken & you just walk away.  Is that a "friend for a season" thing at work?  Or is that just walking away at work?  I don't know.

Then, what about, when you choose to not be friends with someone, simply because of who they are friends with & that someone you don't like...Now you're really getting weird.  I've even seen family just walk away from family...why?  How can that be?  How can anyone feel OK about that?  I could get specific here - but I won't.

I get the friend for a reason thing.  That's easier to understand.  It served a purpose...it's over.  Neither got too close...move on.  It's the others, friends for a season & friends for a lifetime, that are just not easy to get over or figure out, not easy for me anyway.

Anyway...if you read all the way to here - hoping to get some answers...bad news I don't have any answers.  I'm just pointing out some things that seem - weird...that's all.

So, if we run into each other...or if you run into a "former friend"...we will all fake it I'm sure.  Either fake some superficial hello...pointless talk to act like we are OK (though we both know - we aren't)...Or we will act like we didn't see each other...that seems easier at the time...still weird though.

So, it seems, the easier way to handle this is...whether family or former friends, we will be careful not to cross paths...and if we have to be in the same place - we will do our best to make it at a different time...that way we won't have to fake anything...but we will both know.

I have no idea how we will handle this in Heaven.  I'm sure there's enough room there - it shouldn't be a problem...I hope it's not weird.

peace...

b

Oct 10, 2011

Need to Breathe...






Something running around in my brain...is this song "the Outsiders" by the group NeedtoBreathe.


They have this line in their song that says "Just ‘cause I’m wrong it don’t make you right. No you ain’t right."





I love that thought.  Sometimes we assume that because someone else is wrong - we are definitely right.  That's not always the case.  Sometimes, we are both wrong.


It's kind of like - just because you say it - doesn't make it true.


Just something to think about...


jus saying...


b

Oct 7, 2011

Tormented...

Matthew 18:21 - 35


Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.  And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.  But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.  The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’  Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’  And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.  So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.  Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.  Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’  And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.  “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.


I wrote about forgiveness a few blogs ago...I read it again & felt there are still lessons I am learning in the area of forgiveness...If you missed the 1st - it might add insight to this one...it can be found scrolling down the list 6 or 7 blogs.


But, my focus on this - is the one doing the forgiving...& why should I/we forgive anyway?

It's a legitimate question that I think comes with a number of answers...


1 - Because I have to.


The reason given for "having to" is often "the Bible tells me I have to".  That really got me thinking about this whole deal.


1st - Do I really have to.  I don't think so.  Now, yes, the Bible & Jesus of the Bible tells me I have to - but truth I really don't have to.  I still have a choice...to feel as though I don't have a choice seems like it negates something.


I think if that's really our answer...we are missing something in the "act of forgiving".  Is forgiveness merely a mental declaration?  Can it be?  Is it something I have to do to be "Biblically correct"?  Does our heart play any role in it at all?  If it does, then "forgiving because we have to" is not really dealing with our heart at all...or is it?


I'm not sure...I'm wrestling with these answers too.


Saying "I have to", feels like I'm a prisoner to it or something victim like.  Like I am some puppet that is merely having to play some role I really don't want to play...while God's word pulls my strings.  See what I mean?


Isn't this whole faith thing all about being transformed into Christ-likeness...as opposed to having to do something because...


Anyway...


Another answer often given...


2 - What if "they don't deserve it".


How do we know that?  Typically, we tie that logic to what we think they should have done to "earn forgiveness"... or something along those lines of thought.


When focusing ONLY on us - the one needing to forgive, the problem is...no matter what my logic is - I am still dealing with un-forgiveness in my heart.


When that's true, the one that won't forgive is the one that is not free.


Biblically, forgiveness is all about a debt being cancelled out.  For humanity in general, Christ died to cancel the debt of sin off our lives.  Did/do any of us deserve it?


However, deserving or not, like Him, we have to make the choice (sometimes a very hard choice) to forgive...meaning to RELEASE the person from a debt you think they owe you.  Now, granted, they might really owe you...or they might not have any idea how to "pay" or "ask for forgiveness"...but forgiveness says, whether you "pay off your debt" or not, I will release you from it.



The answer that makes the greatest sense...is about Torment.

3 - So I'm not tormented...


When we won't forgive someone because of (fill in blank)...it keeps us in remembrance of them...that...it...ie - in bondage or torment...

Christ taught this..."if you don't forgive, you will be turned over to tormentors".  Whoa..that's heavy stuff.  If you have ever NOT forgiven, you already know that you are the one that remains in bondage...tormented.  How true it is.


To forgive for this reason feels like freedom to me.  It's like "I choose to go free from..." as opposed to "I have to because".  This feels like a heart choice...which is what Christ taught.


Christ said "I have to forgive in the heart".


I guess what I'm trying to say is this...if forgiveness really doesn't exist in the heart - I don't think it exists at all.  I can say it...claim it...declare it...etc... but if I don't have it within - I simply don't have it where Christ said it has to be - in the heart.


Truth is - some people... some things... are hard to forgive.  That's partly why I think it has to be something deep within to be real.  Somewhere within - where only you & God can go... a place where only He can get to... a place He knows about...


I don't know...


But I believe we can say we forgive all we want... we can "have to" all we want... but until we choose to release someone &/or something within our heart by choice - I'm not sure anything has really happened.


On the cross, Jesus said "Father forgive them...they don't know what they are doing".  At the hands of those that abused/maimed/mistreated/KILLED...he forgave...And seemingly knowing how hard it would be for His Father to do the same - he speaks it into existence for Him...also acknowledging that, though we choose our actions...we really don't know what they heck we are doing.


Just sharing some things I'm wrestling with myself...


peace


b

Oct 5, 2011

Life...Death... & the In between...




































I lost a good friend yesterday to a not long enough battle with cancer.

So...

My mind tends to contemplate...

Life...

Living a life that is full...

Death...

Dying after having really lived...hopefully not dying for a long time...

The In between...

Making my time on earth mean something to those in my life....



Thanks David for being my friend.

You will be missed & I'm glad we were friends at the level we were.

You made a difference in my life...my marriage...my home...

I will see you - one day over there.

b

Oct 1, 2011

Journey of 100 Blogs...



















I saw that this is my 100th blog...so, it felt like looking back to see all God has done for us would be right.  Here we go...


It all started May 16, 2009 with this entry...



Journey

In the next several months, I will take a journey I've never chosen to take - a journey deep within myself - with God.  I plan on allowing Him to access parts of me, mainly being somewhere deep in my heart, that believe it or not - He's never had full access to. I'm not saying He's not had my heart because He has - there's just a piece of it that He's never had, because it's been very isolated and protected from not only Him - but from everyone - including myself.  I have no idea how to make or allow this to happen - but I am trusting in Him alone to do this. I will fully participate as I learn how - again trusting Him to teach me.  Somehow, I will be a different and better person in the future than I am today and ever have been.  The story of the Phoenix (being reborn from its ashes) is my icon for this journey…

So... Let the journey begin...

Bob

And, over the 2 1/2 years since - the Journey Blog has been somewhat of a journal for where I was at certain times along the way.

Here are a few things I've covered - that in looking back at them for this 100th blog - feel like they help me know where I was, am & still hope to be.

Like, knowing I taught Galatians 6 as my final teaching - EVER...at FAM.  That's like weird science to me then & now.

Anyway - I hope this helps you see God's hand...from then til now.

MUSIC

I posted several songs along the way...Not one of them was random at the time.  Music is a huge avenue in my life - for God to speak to me.  Though not all were "christian", each spoke to me in very real ways...most of them still do.

Here's the song journey...

3rd Day - WIRE
Nickelback - If Today was Your Last Day

Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World
Sanctus Real - Whatever You're Doing
Jason Gray - I Am New
Listener - Wooden Heart (I love this song...but the guy seems whacked...)
Amos Lee (blues) - Jesus (great song!!!)
Some kid named Jotta A, from Brazil singing - Agnus dei...awesome.

These are not the only ones that spoke/speak to me...just some I mentioned along the way.

The WORD

I also looked at scripture verses - that at the very time were instrumental in doing something within me...like:

2 Corinthians 5:16 - 21 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Or Jesus instructing us to "pray for our enemies" & "pray blessings on those that curse you."   Huge healing took place in my (& Shawn's) heart because of obeying this verse.

Or, Jesus instructing us to "take up our cross & follow Him"...

Or, the woman caught in adultery & how Christ dealt with her...forgiveness...

Or, "Love cares more for others than for self".  I Cor. 13

Word Studies

Redeemer & redemption...
Nothing is impossible...
Verses about God going BEFORE...BESIDE...and BEHIND us...
Love...grace...mercy...
Fruit (Proof) of God's Spirit being in you...
Grace anatomy - what grace really is Biblically...

God Speaking to Me

I shared different "things" that God used to speak to me...

Like Dove (a symbol of God's presence) in my yard...seemingly "crying" over me...my marriage...my home...family...

Erwin McManus' "Cravings" Documentary.  I still go watch this from time to time...

Finances - staying faithful when times are tough...hard to do...

John Maxwell's talk on Life Dreams...what it takes to see them become realities...

Several entries on going to Church...each of them were simply straight from the heart...typing what came to mind.

Parables

The Parable of the Feathers...

A Man Fell into a Pit...

The Parable of the Mousetrap...

Prayer

I wrote several times about prayer...which I think is really cool.  It's probably 1 of the areas that has most changed in my life & marriage as well.  Shawn & I still pray together on a very regular basis...good stuff.

Thoughts...

I shared thoughts/philosophies...stuff...

Like the battle to really really really change...
Or knowing who & who not to listen to & allow to speak into your life...
Or having a life long view of your time on earth...realizing God is writing your story daily...
Or not allowing yourself to become "stale" in life...but challenge yourself to LIVE...
Or realizing we are ALL in some kind of battle all the time...
Or taking some time to find yourself, or the real you gets lost in the pace of life...

Random

Then I had a few "random" entries...

Some were nothing more than that...random.  It's where I sit down & type out all (most) of the stuff running around in my brain.

Some were rants about something.  Probably the most stupid one - cigarette butts on the beach...

One was a quote I like..."Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

One was during the last hurricane...why I no longer (& still don't) watch channel 10 weather & why I became a channel 13 fan...


I did a movie review...

Genesis (which Biblically means beginnings...)

I talked about Genesis...in general a time or two...Easter specifically...Baptisms...friends..etc...
How blessed we are to have a Genesis - in all meanings of the word.

Family

I talked about my marriage...family...kids...home...

Like how we renewed our vows this past summer & celebrated our 25th anniversary!  

Or, each of my kids...

I updated the world on how Shawn & I was doing through a very beautiful & yet incredibly difficult restoration process.  A process that absolutely has changed each of us & our marriage like never before.  It's an incredible thing God has helped us do in our marriage & home.

Anyway...

When I saw that this would be my 100th blog in Journey...it somehow hit me that it felt bigger than 99 was...like a milestone of sorts.  So, for me, I wanted to go back & see where has God brought me...Shawn...our marriage...my kids...my family...my home...my friendships...AND the ministry He has allowed us to be in again.

So, to EACH & EVERYONE of you that are somehow in our life - either back in our life or simply now in our life - THANKS!!! 

We love each of you & are incredibly humbled that you would journey with us in whatever capacity you have done so.

We have 100 more blogs to write that will represent God's hand on us in some way.  Then perhaps we will stop & look back again...only to see how gracious God has been again.

Love

B

comments welcomed... :)