Redeeming What's Been Lost

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Redeeming what's been lost

b & s

My Friend ZO

I wrote a new story about my friend Zo.

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b

A New Story about Zo

A story about my friend Zo

Check it

Thanks!!!!

One of Those Days...

Do you ever have one of those days?

Not one of those days...

I mean one of those days.  One of those days when you are more AWARE.

Aware of all the good in your life.  Aware of the blessings...the love...the goodness...

Almost like you are more awake than usual.  Something deep within has come alive for the moment to remind you - you are blessed...life is good.

Do you have those AWARE days too?

Today is one of those days.

It's hard to explain.

It feels like emotions deep within, like stallions,  running wild from your heart to your head to your heart - over & over again.  You feel it & then you think about it & then you feel it & then you think about it...etc.

It feels like gratitude when it's in your head.  As you take an inventory of your life at that moment.  Not all of your life - a piece of it.  It's like seeing a beautiful piece of art & focusing in on a detail of that same  artwork.  And, for whatever reason, it's that detail that stands out at that moment.  And it causes an emotion...a smile...a warm fuzzy within.  Joy.

And it feels like something just one-millisecond short of tears.  Tears of joy...gladness...happiness...love. Not only tears, it feels like dancing...twirling...running...shouting...laughing...silence.

Being AWARE is a deep thing.

It's like every crowning achievement in your life has bundled itself up & you celebrate them - fresh & new.

It feels like electricity set at an incredibly low setting - just pulsating your skin.  But, it's not your skin - it's the skin that wraps around life itself within.  And today, it's pulsating with more life than normal.  It almost feels like goose bumps - deep within though, not on the surface.

It feels like being in the rain.  But you are not getting wet, instead, you are feeling the rain.  Every drop as it hits you...it's that moment as a kid when you'd go outside to play in the rain & look up into the sky to catch the rain on your tongue.

It feels spiritual.  Like God himself has decided to sit beside you for a few moments to "open your eyes" wider than normal...to restore your vision...to just whisper to you "life is good...enjoy all that I've given you...all that's been given back...all that's right.  And, oh, by the way - I love you."  It's like you are more AWARE of Him & all the blessings He has given into your life.  In an AWARE moment - there is no sadness...no room for grieving loss or the past.

It's like sitting beside a lake - far away from every noise...every distraction...every everything & anything that lessens your abundant life.  For a moment, you are AWARE of nothing but goodness...love...joy...peace...all that is good.  No ripples on the water...nothing to disturb this moment.

It's like being under water - only the water is not water - it's love.  You feel overwhelmingly loved & in love.  Like the suns' rays - you feel love warming you up (or back up)...and like a refection of that same warmth - you feel it being given way to those you love most in your life.  You wife...kids...family...friends.  It's a moment that borders on drowning - but you know you are fully alive in this reality.

It's like a moment that you'd love to stay in - but you know you can't.  You don't even know where you are or how you got here.  You just woke up - there.  And you know, that in some moment, reality will ease back in & this moment will be gone.

But, it's this AWARENESS that makes you live all the others - better than before.

Because you are more AWARE.

YEP.

AWARE.

That's what I'm feeling today.

I am in AWE at this moment.

Thanks God - for all the good that's in my life.

b

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A Few Reasons to Change Some Habits

Habit is defined as...


A settled tendency...a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition...an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary...


Some of our habits could use some changing - in each of our lives.


Here's why we need to change some habits...


Some are absolutely useless.  Perhaps they are now useless or they were never useful in the first place.  No matter, habits that fall under this type, might not necessarily be bad or destructive, just useless.  Like sleeping too much or watching too much tv...or procrastination...etc.  Not really "bad" just useless.


Also, some habits are more graphic & show up as being more detrimental in life.  Again, we might not label them as being really bad, so much as knowing they are holding us back from something better.  Eating ice cream might not be "bad", but it could be holding us back from losing weight...causing diabetes...lowering self-esteem...etc.  Just some things that might be in our life, that if we change them - we will be on our way to a goal we want to achieve.


Of course, some habits are bad...destructive...harmful...etc.  No one has to point those out either, we know them & know they need to change.  Actually change is a lighter word than what is really needed.  Stop or quit is the right word here.  Anything causing any area of our life to be lived at a lower level - needs to be dropped.


Here's how we are wired:


Actions produce Feelings.


There is no way around this truth.  It's an inherent principle living within.  The short of it is this:  You will NEVER feel good about acting bad.  Never.  Why?  Actions produce feelings.  Also, you can never feel your way out of acting bad.  It's not going to happen.


You want to feel better about yourself...your marriage...your home...your family...etc.  Act better.  It's that simple - yet it's that difficult.


Find the habits in your life that cause you to feel less than alive...those that are in the way of your thriving...those that are killing you in some area of life.


AND


Change them.  Baby steps.  Do what you can UNTIL you can do what you can't.


One step will produce a better feeling about yourself.


The antithesis is true as well.  Allow your feelings to direct your life & you will always have a negative feeling from that.  Sadly, if your feelings guide you, it's a reinforcing loop set up in your life.  It goes like this - you don't feel like it - so you don't.  That causes you to not feel like it again...only to cause you to feel worse about yourself (or it) again.  On & on & on.


Plant a thought, reap an act. Plant an act, reap a habit. Plant a habit, reap a character. Plant a character, reap a destiny.


peace...


b


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Why I Want to Be a Risk Taker

Our youngest is on a Competition Cheering Team.  Stars is their name.

It's the 1st time in her young life that she has been: part of a team sport and been part of  cheering too.

So, she entered the year a little behind the learning curve.  Today, we were on the way to pick her up from practice, when she called us.  "I got my cartwheel" was the declaration coming through the phone.  Needless to say, she was excited.

The cartwheel was conquered.  Running...hands on the ground...feet over head...feet back on the ground...hands over head.  BAMM.  Done.

Easier said than done.  Somewhere in the past it was fake run...acting like hands were going to hit the ground or once advanced, they hit the ground - sort if... fear or anxiety was the rule.

But.  She did it.  She "got her cartwheel".

Why?

Because she wanted it bad enough.  Bad enough to overcome her fears & anxiety.  Bad enough to overcome her inability.  Bad enough to ignore she was behind on things.  Bad enough to just get it done.

Bad enough to risk whatever she calculated as the cost.  Not only did she want it bad enough...she wanted it bad enough to do it - until, "she got her cartwheel".

I want to live like that.

I want to take whatever risks are necessary to "get my cartwheels" in life - whatever they might really be.

I want to want something bad enough to go after it.

I want to feel that fear/anxiety that leads into equal celebration when conquered.

I want to go after those things that fear is holding me back from.

I want to "get my cartwheels" in life.


Each & every one of them.

Don't you?

b

You Call That Swimming?

At 1st it all sounded so easy...NOW, it's getting easier...

BUT, the in between was quite interesting to say the least...

I'm talking about learning to swim - CORRECTLY.

It sounded like such an easy thing when it was first talked about.  "Hey.  Let's take swimming lessons and learn how to really swim - the right way, I mean."

The 1st class, 1st moment went like this: "OK, Bob, show me how you swim."  It all changed from that point on.

From that point on, it was quite a task...learning to swim - correctly.

Here are some of those moments - learning to swim correctly.

"Bob, get out of the pool, just sit there for me.  WOW, is that really as far as you can straighten your feet?"

"Bob, your kicks are like from the knees - only."  "Bob, that's not really kicking, it's pedaling a bike in the water."  "Bob, can't you pull harder than that with your arms?"  "Bob, are you breathing at all?"  "Bob, are you drinking pool water every time you take a breath?"  "Bob, that's not bad, considering where you started."  "Bob, you're supposed to swim on top of the water, not 2" under the surface."  "Bob, just try this stroke, because you're not going to be able to do the other one (like everyone else does & is doing)."

Well.  Suffice it say - the learning curve of "learning to swim right" has been quite interesting for Bob.

I started the class thinking I could swim OK.  Apparently what I was doing was more like sloshing.

As she (Elizabeth - the greatest swim instructor I have ever had as an adult) handed me (& Shawn) more to think about, that's all I could do - think...and simultaneously sink.  Oh yea, another "Bob" comment.  "Bob, you don't float very well."  Yup - can't even float right...thought I could before though.  Dangit.

Anyway.

It happened.

"It will all come together - Bob."  And it did.  Just like Elizabeth (say it with the dialect that guy, Troy, on Swamp people says it.  Elidabet) said it would.

Swimming versus sloshing.  Actually moving in the right direction of the pool.  Yes, moving!  Crazy.

Anyway.  Here's my point.

Sometimes, when we decide to get "better" at something, or try something new, it gets harder & even worse before it gets better.  Part of it is "unlearning" before "learning".  Then it's correcting the old.  Or, it's just something new...therefore, it has to be learned, just like addition or the alphabet.

BUT, stay with it.  Once all the pieces come together - it all makes sense.

1+1=2 and A starts the alphabet and Z ends it.

Don't quit in the sloshing stage...press on to the swimming...it's a lot of fun.

Even, in life, sometimes all we can see are the parts.  The parts don't always make sense on their own...but once you see the bigger picture, the pieces normally make sense as well.

peace

b

Our Friend Zo the Redeemer

Zo the Redeemer

Zo met with us today.  That he met with us is not unusual, he tries to meet with us on a regular basis, as we try to do the same with him.  We have come to love meetings with Zo.

Let me introduce Zo.  Zo is an old friend of ours, I’m not sure when I met Him, but I know he knew me first...like an old family friend that can remember you growing up, that’s Zo.  He has memories of knowing you before you have memories of knowing him.

Zo, well, he’s a quiet man.  In that regard, he reminds me of my grandfather.  A man who seldom spoke, yet when he did, he spoke volumes.  That’s Zo.  When Zo speaks, he just seems to have something worth hearing.  Something so simple it’s profound.  Words full of life.  Zo says things that, at the time, might not seem like much, but as you ponder his words, they grow into life change of some sorts.

Zo has gray hair.  It’s that old man gray hair.  The gray hair that says “I’ve lived & learned a lot.  I know a lot about life and how it works.  I know things you don’t yet know.”  That hair.  Not only does he have gray hair, his hair is thick and it’s longer than most at his age.  In the wind, his hair lifts as one big piece of gray, like a wing of a dove being lifted by the wind.  His hair is past his shoulders in the back and sometimes he keeps it in a pony tail.  He needs a haircut, but I can’t imagine Zo with anything other than long flowing gray hair.  Anything less wouldn’t seem right on the guy. 

Zo’s face looks really old.  His face is tanned and full of wrinkles.  Deep trenched wrinkles.  The kind of wrinkles that have many stories of having lived life the hard way.  His tan, looks like it never fades.  It’s deep into his skin.  His eyes, that’s the part of him that I like looking at the best.  His eyes speak without him saying a word.  His eyes are full of love and compassion.  They are full of life, even though the face they are set in, says life has been long and hard.  Those same eyes seem to see right through you as well.  You know, those looks you got when growing up, that just let you know that they knew you weren’t being truthful.  Zo’s eyes seem to pull the truth right out of you, just by looking at you.  It’s like he can see right into your heart.

Zo’s hands are calloused and quite rough.  Zo says that’s from “helping lift people up from life’s pits.”  I don’t know exactly if that’s really how he got all those callouses, but suffice it to say, that Zo has definitely lifted a few people out from life’s pit.  Picking people up seems to be one of Zo’s favorite things to do.  Zo calls that, “redemption”.  

He says redemption means to help people believe in themselves again.  To help them believe they are still worth something.  Once you meet Zo, you’ll know, that no matter what your pit is about, you’re worth something to him.  You’ll see it in his eyes, feel it in his hands and hear it in his voice.

Zo says it doesn’t matter how you get knocked into the pit, he sees all people the same.  If they are in the pit, they need help getting out.  Zo figures that’s part of why he’s on the earth, to help people get out of their pit.

That’s Zo.  The redeemer.

People that know him, love him.  People that don’t, don’t fully understand him.

That’s who we met with today.  We, being me and my wife Shawn.

Our meetings are somewhat planned, yet sometimes Zo just shows up.  It seems Zo has a knack for knowing when to show up.

Like a few years ago, Zo showed up.  I’m not sure if he even knocked that day.  That day, I do know, we didn’t have a time set to talk with Zo.  We didn’t really think we wanted to meet with anyone that day.  It was a bad day.

Bad, because we were trying to figure out how to sift through the mess I had made in our marriage.  


Honestly, we weren’t even sure we wanted to or would be able to sift through it all.  There was a lot to sift through and the pile seemed daunting at best.  Overwhelming in fact.

Hurt.  Angry.  Unsure.  Lonely.  Broken.  

That’s how that day felt.

So, that day, we weren’t ready to meet with anyone.

Tears.  Silence.  Isolation.  Confusion.

Then, right there, when it seemed to be the worst possible timing, Zo showed up.

At first, He just came in and sat across from us without saying a word.  His presence seemed to be enough.  And, strangely enough, his silence was exactly what we needed at first.  

Calm.  Serene.  Peace.  Hope.  Love.

That’s what Zo brought that day.

He began to speak to us both about things like: life, love, joy, grace, each other - together.

Zo somehow helped us believe again that day.

Zo helped us believe, that in spite of the mess that needed to be sifted through, no matter how bad it was, we could get through it.  We could redeem it.  “If we wanted to,” Zo said.  Crazy thing is, Zo said he’d help us.  He was true to his word.  He met with us over & over.  Sometimes planned and sometimes not.

He would let us cry and sometimes he’d cry with us too.

He would remind us of how good our love was and how good it could be again.

He would make us smile and sometimes we’d laugh as he told some story that painted the picture of a better tomorrow.

Every time we met with Zo, something seemed to be put back together or something new came to life.

We were learning all about that redemption thing Zo was teaching us about.

Then one day, we realized it had happened.  Our life together, our love for each other, our marriage had been redeemed from the sifting pile.  Our marriage had been redeemed from the pit.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, we had been given new life.

Zo still comes around, like he did today.  Sometimes, he still sits quietly and sometimes he speaks.

Now, we know what his calloused hands really feel like.  For Zo reached down into one of life’s pits and pulled us out.

Now, when we see his eyes, we know they are full of life and love.

Now, when Zo speaks, we know his words are life giving and can help make sense in life and life’s pits.

Zo, our friend, is a redeemer, and that’s what he does - redeems.  Buys back.  Adds value.  Dispenses hope.

Zo, the redeemer, because that’s what he does, redeems.

Thanks Zo.

If you read this blog at all - you know this is something very different for me.  Do me a HUGE favor.  If you like it - hit the fb like button, right below this, for me.  If you'd go a step further - comment on it below this entry.  If you know someone that might enjoy reading it, send it to them.  Please & thanks in advance.

peace

b

Quiet Desperation

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

Henry David Thoreau

I used this quote this past weekend while speaking.  However, it's such a strong quote that I was unable to leave it on the page or in the auditorium once I was done "using it".

2 parts of this quote seem to have a longer shelf life for me right now.  The "lives of quiet desperation" and the "song still in them" pieces seem to still be running through my brain and heart.

Why?  I'm not sure.

But, if I were totally candid here, I'm sure they both are tied to a fear or concern of mine.  The fear of having not really lived life to the fullest.  The fear of not having the courage to go for it.  The fear of never letting the song out from being buried deep within...beneath layers of "stuff" that seem to allow the song to go unsung - seemingly without a lot of challenge at times.

So, I write this mainly to say that I don't want to be one of those people.  Those people who know how to smile when it's more perfunctory that anything else.  Those people who always say the right thing, when the real thing needs to be said instead.  Those people who in essence lie to those closest to them, when asked "how are things going"?  Those people who never take the chance...risk it...go for it...etc.

I hope that writing this not only encourages me in some endeavor...or in some song waiting to be sung or played...I hope it encourages every person that reads this as well.

To end with another quote.

Death has plucked my ear and said, "live, for I am surely coming".

peace...

b

Pop...

I call my dad Pop.

Not sure where it started, but for as long as I know, I've called him Pop.

Today, February 22, he turns 80!  That puts him being born in 1932.  Wow.

80 sounds like a milestone to me.

80.  It sounds a lot different than 79 did, though that was only 365 days ago.

80.  Not in an old way.  Nothing like that actually.  Rather in a, "wow, you have had a good life if you hit 80" kind of way.  Or, in the proverbial, "wisdom comes with age" saying.  Or, even, the feeling of heightened respect for him at the passage of 80 years old.

You see, to partly understand this, you need to know that my dad had a quadruple bypass surgery when he was 56.  Since then, he also had triple bypass & numerous stints...balloons...carotid arteries situations...on & on & on.  He's been in the hospital numerous times since he was 56.

There were times that me & my sister would talk privately as to whether we thought Pop would make it from some grave situation he was facing physically.   Low & behold, he fooled us all.  because there were times I would call my sister to come into town, because "things didn't look good".

80.

My father has been (& is - now that we are almost 80 1/2 years old...going on 81) a big part of my life.  Not in loud, obtrusive ways.  No, more as in a model of strength.  As a word of encouragement or some type of word that meant something at the time.

That doesn't mean that we didn't do it right all the time, because we didn't.  There were times in my teen years that we were just not real close, for various reasons.  But, today, in looking back at my father's life & mine - it's a great thing.

Memories abound.

Old 8mm movies of my dad, in Ohio, my hometown & his too, shoveling snow & building a snowman, because me or my sister wanted him to.  Or the picture of him in the Navy...sharp.

More recent memories would be growing up fishing with him in the Chesapeake Bay for big Gray trout & flounder.  We had a blast.  We both have a citation plaque, or 2, to show off as well.

Or hunting.  Without a doubt, these would be the most fond memories of me & my dad.  Deer hunting together.  Whether locally or a trip to the mountains for opening week of deer season.

Or building.  My dad owned a construction company at one time.  I can remember working for him as a young teen.  I also will never forget us building a house together for my family.  Side note, we built that house together from clearing the lot to moving in, in 89 days!  Unheard of.  Memories of me & Pop.

Our home has several things Pop built over the years.  Leaving his mark in many ways upon our life.

There are many more...but suffice it to say - I'm proud of my father.

I'm happy to be going over his house in a few minutes to just hang out.

Love ya & I'm proud to call ya "My Pop"


Happy Birthday


G

Share this with people that might know my dad.  Use one of the share buttons below this post.  He's on Face Book (Robert Groves), look him up & tell hm happy birthday.  thanks!

The SAUNA is HOT...better be there for a reason

So.

It went like this.

I walked into the sauna today after the wonderful "just keep swimming" swim lesson.

I say "how are ya" to the man in the sauna.

"In a lot of pain" was his reply.

A few minutes go by of "sauna-ing" and I ask "does the sauna help your pain?"

His reply "no - not really.  I just come in here because I've gotten in saunas for about 30 years".

Silence.  End of conversation.

I thought - that's crazy.

Have you ever been in a sauna.  It's called a sauna because it's really really hot in there.

As a matter of fact - this one's thermometer was reading 150 degrees.  That's hot.

So, I stayed in for a while - thinking about the guy that was in there - not because of the benefits of the sauna - rather because it was his 30 year old habit...he didn't know why he did it anymore, other than he has always done it.

Habits.

They are funny things - huh.

Sitting there, I thought about my life - then yours...hence this blog.

I sat & thought for a while - "what habits are in my life - serving no purpose at all?".  They are just that - habits.

Not only are they serving no purpose - they possibly are holding me (or you) from starting on something else more beneficial.

They say, if you practice a "new" habit for 30 days - it will be ingrained in your life.  That's bull.

It takes something more than practicing it.

It takes being committed to it - over & over & over again.

It takes finding the value in the "new" more than it takes finding the lack of value in the "old".

It takes starting over & over - until...you do it without even thinking about it.

Like walking into a 150 degree sauna - for no reason other than that's what he's done for all those years.

I eventually walk out - leaving the guy in there - still sitting because that's what he's done for about 30 years or so.

So, with that, I leave you & me with a question...or 2.

What habits are in my/your life that need to be changed?  That are serving no real purpose.  That are even holding us back form a new habit - more beneficial for our life now.  That maybe somewhere in the past, you started out on - only to go back to the old because you thought it would be easier than it was.

The sauna is hot - at least know why you are sitting in it.

peace

b

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I HATE YOU!

I hate you!

That's sound so raw...so mean...so ugly...so uncalled for...so powerful...so wrong.

HATE

What a word.  What a phrase.

Webster defines is as

a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury

b : extreme dislike or antipathy

Though the opposite of LOVE, I'm not sure saying, "I love you", has the same "force" as saying "I hate you".

Maybe because, I love you is more commonly used & heard.

When you throw "I hate you" out there - it's like the wheels of the bus fall off...everything comes to a grinding halt.  The earth quits rotating...sun stands till...birds quit chirping.

It's that powerful of a phrase.

The word hate - similar to the word love - is greatly used as well.  As in, I hate collards...I hate it when it's hot outside...I hate Fords...etc.

But the phrase I hate you - now that's like reserved for very very very special occasions or people.

However

As you might know - that's not really why I'm writing this.  I'm certainly not writing to validate the word...or talk about the meaning of it...

NO

I'm writing to find out what it really means when used.

What does "I hate you" mean?

To even say the words...requires an emotional response within...a facial change of expression...even a change in your voice tone...

"I hate you".  It's so strong - it seems to get all over you when you really say it.

It's just plain ole nasty.

How do you know if you hate someone?

What does hate really feel like inside?

How is it played out against someone?

I once heard it illustrated like this.

A man, talking to a friend, said "I hate so & so".  The friend said "really?  Would you save them if they were drowning"?  The man answered "Yes - of course".  The friend's reply was "Then you don't hate them.  If you hated them - you wouldn't save them - you'd watch them drown".

Is that true?

Does hate want the destruction of someone or something?  Or maybe not actively wanting it - so much as passively allowing it?  Or, at least doing nothing?

Is hate a feeling or thought?

What is hate?

How do you know if you have it for someone?

Is it an personal ideology - lodged against someone...because?  Meaning, it doesn't really do anything - other than seethe in there...somewhere inside your heart or mind.

Is it acted out in words...Words that if acted on - would demonstrate said hate?

How do you know you hate someone?

As for LOVE, it's a verb.  It makes no sense if not acted out.  It's confusing as just words.

What about HATE?  Is it the same?

I think it would be extremely hard to really hate someone...to not save them if you saw them drowning.

But

When someone says, "I hate you" - what does it mean?  What are they saying?

If we truly hate someone...wow.

If we are a Christ follower - it's against EVERYTHING He stood & stands for.

Christ says it's impossible to have hatred & be His follower.

But - Christ's teaching aside.

Just the human condition.

Can we really claim hatred?  Can we walk through life with "that" living inside us - with it's cross hairs fixed on a person...family...race...etc.

What's that say about us?  What's it say about the person able to claim hatred toward another?

I'm just trying to get us to re-think our said position towards others...to re-think the junk we carry around in our heart...to re-think the things we say...

peace...


b

Most Alive...

I just finished praying...


An overwhelming thought/question was "When Do I Feel Most Alive"?


It was more of a soul searching moment...like what is my purpose or, why am I here, more than some narcissistic self consuming thought.


It's crazy how far your mind can go in a moment.  Or, how much of your life you can "scan over" in a moment.


My life verse is John 10:10.  It reads, "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."


I'm aware of both parts of the verse - the thief & the purpose of Christ.  But, it's the 2nd part of that verse that I mostly focus in on...living an abundant life.


So.


I don't have some profound insight here.  I don't have some crazy "oh my gosh...I never thought of that" moment either.


I simply have a question that was handed to me a few moments ago, that's obviously meant to act as a compass for me & possibly for you as well.  Why?  I'm not sure at this moment.


But.


I bring it up for the same reason...to hand you the same compass.


A true north of sorts.


A question.


A question that can unfold or reveal the real pieces & purposes for your life.


Will you join with me in the search.


When do you feel most alive?


I'll be ruminating on this personally until I feel I find the answer(s) I'm meant to find.


Remember - Anytime God asks you a question - it's never because He doesn't know the answer.


Feel free to share your thoughts via commenting below.  Also hit "like" or "share" it with someone else who might benefit from the question or dialog.


peace...


b

A Defining Moment

I'm going to add a new piece to my blog.  It's going to be a weekly entry called "A Defining Moment".

It will take a look back at the week & identify a moment that seemed to be: bigger than the moment itself...special for any number of reasons...a moment to remember - again for any number of reasons.

It will find a moment that stands out as being "defining".  Something that makes the week more alive.

Normally, this will be done on Saturday.  I think.

I woke up early this morning reflecting on a very special moment that I'd like to share with you.

It happened January 16th, last Monday.

The event - reserving the spot for Kyndall & Jorden's wedding.

The place - Cape Charles on the Eastern Shore.  More specifically, a restaurant named Aqua.

Even more specifically - a sanded beach on the Chesapeake Bay.

It was me, Shawn, Kyndall & her very excited younger sister Taylor.  Ashton had school - or he too would have been with us.

The actual meeting was to hand the money over for reserving the spot.  It was pretty non-eventful.

The real event was - what the day stood for.

It was, my "baby" reserving the spot I'll give her away.

WOW.  That hits me just typing it.

As we stood there, outside Aqua, chatting with the Host, I watched my baby walk away from us.

She didn't walk away, to leave us.  No.  She walked over to the spot.  The spot where she will get married.  She took some pictures...sent them to special people in her life.  I watched her (no one knew) as she stood - kind of taking it all in.

The 4 of us then went to lunch together.

We went to an old barn that had been converted into a very nice place.

Again.  Nothing special about the lunch - other than it was really nice.

It was the day.  It was the conversation of the lunch.  It was seeing my baby & knowing deep within...she was smiling...as was I, Shawn & Taylor.

It was special in many ways.

I'll never ever forget the trip we took together...to reserve the place I'll give my baby away.

Proud of you baby & Jorden too.

Life is incredible!

b (aka pops)

Lines & Borders & Other Containments...

SO.

Today, I'm not sure why.  But, I was thinking about boundaries in life.

I'm not talking about confinements - where you feel like you are being suffocated.  I'm talking about the healthy borders in your life...

Those that keep you from "going too far" or "going where you just don't belong".  Whether in a conversation...friendship...marriage...some struggle in your life - where boundaries help keep you free from something destructive...etc.

Rules.  Where you just know the rules.  And those rules - whether spoken or implied, are part of what keep you free from something.  Keep you "in bounds".  Or keep you from going "out of bounds".

KEEP YOU FREE

An easy example.  In your marriage.  Knowing that you are just not supposed to EVER get violent.  EVER.

This is probably never "stated" as a rule - but you know it's there.  Well, maybe your wife's father brought it up in some fatherly way...letting you know - if you cross a boundary - he's going to cross one too.  But, other than that - you just know.

We grew up with it - you just don't hit a girl - period.


You don't hit a lady.

But - way before you ever go there (violence)...there are lots of "other boundaries" that keep you far from crossing the violence fence.

Again - never spoken...just implied.

Like.  Don't raise your voice at each other...a border...a rule...a fence.  However, once you do...once that fence is crossed, that "new" area is now the starting point of the next "fight".

But, no fear.  There are still more boundaries in place.

Like.  Never cussing at each other.  Again, just an implied rule.  You just wouldn't talk to her like that & you don't want talked to like that either.  However, if not careful, now that you are over the raising voice fence...in an area once off-limits, you can cross over into the "cussing at each other" area as well.

Again.  Nothing to fear.  Still fences in place.

The problem is right there.  Once you cross ANY fence in life...it becomes the starting point for the next "whatever it is" that got you into the off limit area to start with.

We move the fences...we change the rules...we get comfortable with the new normal...we accept it as the way it is now...

So

She better shut up...she better quit saying that word to or at me...Then - BAMM.  I didn't mean to grab her that hard.  But, if she would have shut up...if she would have quit pushing my buttons...I would have never...

How did I get here?  How did I get into a place I thought I never ever would have gotten to.

By crossing 1 fence...breaking 1 rule...at a time.

That's how.


Now, what was once so far from you...you end up in a place you never thought possible.

Boundaries.  Whether spoken or implied - they serve to keep us free from something.

Addictions...Sins...Failure...

They exist in all areas of life - both spoken & implied.

Once crossed - if not VERY careful...they become easier & easier to cross.

Once crossed, we are now next to another fence...another area "off limits".

What the Heck AM I saying?

Pay attention to the Boundaries in your life...no matter the area they are in.

If you've crossed any of them.

Go back.

Acknowledge the breach.

Rebuild the fence.  Bigger...Better...Stronger.

If you have not had a fence in your life "in that area" for a while...you already know what "off limit territory" feels like when you get too comfortable...and don't know how to get back on the right side of life.

Tell someone...

Find a REAL friend...

Pray...

Run...

Be Honest with yourself & with others...

Do whatever it takes to get the boundaries back in place...

You never know, how much trespassing might cost ya...

You never know, how much freedom might be enjoyed...

I'M FREE...

thank you Jesus...

just thinking...

b

ps.  for the record - I've never been violent with Shawn.  Ever.  It's an illustration only.

Some things about the Ole Blog called Journey...

K.

I'd like to share a few things regarding my blog.

1st - I really enjoy "blogging".  I happen to like the whole "this is where I am" thing...

2nd - Thanks for reading my blog.  I made a choice a long time ago, to write for effectiveness rather than popularity.  So, thanks for finding it valuable.

3rd - I feel very called to continue to see where this blog will end up.  I definitely see it as a "tool" that's being used outside of a Sunday morning only kind of ministry.  The number of people reading it is very humbling in & of itself.

4th - I feel it is meant to become even more of something.  I'm not sure what that means yet, but I feel it has a positive place in life.

5th - That's why I'm writing this blog.  If you see it as something valuable...will you help me make this more effective?  Will you help me get this out to more people?

How?  I'm glad you asked...

A few ways.

1 - If you have FB & like any blog you read.  At the bottom of that blog now will always be a "Like" button (with the thumb up icon) from FB.  If you would simply click on it - it will post on your page...then anyone you are friends with can check it out as well.  This one step has been a main way of getting this "out there".

2 - If you have someone specifically come to mind, you can "send" it to them via FB.  That button is right beside the "Like" button.  Also, there are other icons below that for sharing as well.  Whether FB, twitter, Google +1...etc.  Use accordingly...

3 - Up at the top right side of the blog - there is a "Subscribe to my blog" box.  You can sign up for a feed from the blog anytime a new blog is posted.  By subscribing, you don't have to check it out - it will let ya know there's something new to read.

4 - Right below that, is "Most Read Blogs".  The top 5 are automatically generated by which blogs have been read the most by the readers (you).  If you've not read them - they are worth reading...IMO.  I must have hit a nerve on that series - for the top 5 are all from the same series called "The Cost".

5 - If you follow this site on a regular basis, consider joining the blog.  That's found under the blog listing on the right.

6 - I'd love for more people to comment on the blogs.  I've tried to make them easier to comment on...but I haven't been very successful at it - yet.

Lastly (but not least) - If you believe in prayer...would you pray for me...my marriage...my family & the ministry God has allowed us back into.  Specific to this blog site, pray that I will know how to be used in it's content to make a positive difference in lives I may never meet.

thanks

b

Too Much Good to Trip on the Bad

Nothing earth shattering here today....well you decide.

Shawn & I spent last night at the hospital with some dear friends of ours - Brandon & Laura.

They were having their 1st baby (baby Cooper Laine)...although pre-mature (being born at 27 weeks & 2 days)...although he weighed in at 2lb 4 oz...although Laura (the momma) had to deliver early because of the fact that she is the proud owner of a donated kidney - which is struggling a bit to find normal blood levels right now.  And, although it took in-vitro x2 to  get here...last night & early this morning was a beautiful chapter being written in some friends' long story of both triumph & pain.

But that's not why I'm writing.

I'm writing because in the midst of the hospital...& their friends & family...& all the other prayers, worries & concerns...

I was reminded that the world is FULL of LIFE & LOVE.

I mean FULL of it.

No matter, whether it's a person that comes to your side in difficult times.  Or, a phone call from someone far away. Or, some kind of message getting sent to you - saying someone cares.  Or, a loved one crying with you, because they too are touched by your reality.  Or, someone putting their arm on your shoulder, that says, without a word being spoken, "I'm here for you until...".  Or the words, "I'm praying for you...".

The world is FULL of Life & Love.

Goodness is everywhere.

Look around.

Even in the hospital at 2:38 am - it's there.

How much more, is it there in our homes...families...marriages...life...world...

It's ALL around.

It's everywhere.

Do you see it?  Feel it?

SO

Why would we choose to focus on the "anti life" "anti love" campaigns of life?  Why waste so much good energy on the hating side...Or, waste precious time, even worrying about the haters.

All around there is LIFE & LOVE.

So

My friend.

Those tears that came to my eyes somewhere during the night...they were not tears of sadness...fear...or anything like that.  As a matter of fact, no one even knew they were there - other than me.

No, they weren't tears of sadness at all.

Quite the opposite.

They were tears, full of wonderful emotion, that were realizing that all around me - there is LIFE & LOVE.

I sat quietly, taking in the full landscape of my life...marriage...family...friends...all of it...every single piece of it.

AND

Right there - I knew what it felt like to be surrounded by love...AND how to surround someone else with that same love when they needed...

A hug...

An arm around their shoulder...

A prayer...

A word of encouragement...

A smile...

A joke...

Silence...

Life...

Love...

And I knew, that that place last night was full of LIFE & LOVE.

Open your eyes, for your world is exactly like that...FULL of LIFE & LOVE.

peace

b

ps - Lil baby Cooper is doing well...keep him & them in your prayers.

Doing What You Can...Doing What You Can't...

I Like going to the gym.  I've been going for a number of years now.

My take on going to the gym is this:  You do what you can - so you can eventually do what you can't.  IE You lift a certain weight in order to lift a heavier weight down the road.  OR, you run a certain distance in order to run a greater distance...etc etc etc.  You do what you can, so you can do what you can't.

Here's something I have to be intentional about.  There are certain exercises that I have NEVER liked doing...there are certain body parts I don't like to train at all...there are certain ways of training I just do not like at all.

SO

If left to my own exercise program, it will be ONLY those things I do like.  Which, you might say, is ok.  And, I agree, it is, in a very limited way.  The problem with only doing what I want or like is this - there will be areas of weakness that NEVER get challenged at all.  They will remain under-developed...weaker than other areas...lagging...etc.  Ironically, they will become more obvious as other areas strengthen.  AND, they will eventually become a weakness to the other "stronger" areas.

SO

How do I deal with this?  I make myself do programs that I don't design.  I make myself do those exercises & other things, that everything in me is fussing about.  I push myself.  I talk to myself in these "I hate this exercise" moments.

WHY?

I do what I can - so I can do what I can't.

OK

Here's my point.

I have been thinking about this at a higher level.  As in LIFE.  As in SPIRITUAL development.  As in ANY area of life needing developed or matured.

Spiritually.

What if there are certain "disciplines" that I just don't like at all?  Like - praying...giving...kindness...silence...other.  And, like in the gym, I'm not good at them at all either.  And, like in the gym, I'm not going to do them easily or naturally.

What if - I took on a "Develop More Fully Spiritually (or Insert the Area of Life needing developed) Program"?  Where I'd do what I can - so I can do what I can't.

What If - I took on a particular "less than favorite" discipline & made myself work on it.  So that it was not a glaring weakness. And, it wasn't going to lead to an overall weakness - even among the other strengths.

WELL

That's exactly what I think we are meant to do.

Exercise.  Not only those things/area in life we like doing, or that come more naturally.  But also, those areas that we tend to avoid...or struggle with most.  The ones that we are just not going to do, unless we take on a program we didn't design ourselves.

Make sense?

What if we took 1 area a month & made it a more focused area to work on...or strengthen.

Say - like "not talking about people"...or "reaching out to the less fortunate"...or saying "I love you" more often to those in our life...You pick the "weak" area & intentionally work on it.

How much stronger of a person would we be - if we worked on the areas we tend to skip?

Join with me in this effort of - learning to do what I can't by doing what I can.

peace

b

Change & the Dreadful New Year's Resolutions

I mentioned this recently in another forum...but it's already January 10th.  That's crazy to me.

What's so crazy about it is this...any planned changes we were going to make 10 days ago - we should be working feverishly on already.

However...

If you are anything like me, getting to the changing part is hard to do.

For me - there are a few specific reasons this is true.

1 - I place way too much stock in the New Year.

It's like the New Year has some gold dust it's going to sprinkle on me or something & make all those changes so easy now that it's a New Year.

Well...NOT.

Putting too much trust in the calendar...and so here I am, waiting for a good day to start.  Somehow allowing myself to forget, I had 2011 to make said changes...

There must be some pretty strong reasons or habits that are holding me back from getting going.

Dang...New Years Resolutions - you have let me down already.  I thought this year it would be easier than it was last year.

2 - Not Making any Small Changes to Allow for the Big Changes.

Again

I keep hoping that it's just going to happen.  I'm going to wake up & for some strange reason - it's going to be so easy that I simply begin.  Problem is - I've woke up 10 days now - it hasn't happened.

I sit here now - tying this out...knowing a day has almost gotten away from me already - no real change.

Somewhere, I have to make the changes to allow me to make the real changes.

This leads me to the 3rd one...

3 - Not Really Being Committed.

If I really want it bad enough - I'm going to make it happen.

So, rather than this being an annual effort that is slowly getting away from me already...I have to commit to making myself better every day.

AND

If I fail to live up to that in a given day...I get up the next & try again.

I will not allow this year to get away from me...for tomorrow I will rise again & start over.

peace

b

Living "In the Woods"

K...

So, I wrote about feeding the homeless recently.

Well, this past Sunday, when it was warm enough to wear a t-shirt outside, me, Shawn & 3 other couples went out into the woods.  Not just any woods.  We went where the homeless live in Tents...kind of like little Tent Cities - each made up of 2, 3 or more tents...plus a few other "living areas" - depending on the particular "city".

We went - to give them blankets, gloves, chap stick & to feed them a hot spaghetti meal.

So...for a couple hours, we went from one Tent City to another...5 or 6 in all.

Here's a little of what we saw that day.

The 1st Tent City.  There were 2 men there when we got there.  "There" was a place off Military Highway.  A place where we were all trespassing.  We actually had to have the vehicles driven away so we could "sneak" into the woods undetected.  The Tent City was on private property too.

These 2 men had "just finished a game of horseshoes" when we got there.  There was an aroma of bacon in the air - they were cooking "something good".  The one guy said, "everyday he wakes up is a blessing".  Plus that day, he had found "a turkey & 2 chickens...it was a good day".  Of course, found means he had climbed in a dumpster somewhere...he calls it blessed.  On a tree - they had a mirror hanging - not sure what they need that for - but maybe it makes 'em feel a little more normal.  The guy wanted to show us in his tent - he had just installed "wall to wall" carpet...he called it "nice".

As we walked away - I asked "why are they there?"  "Lost his job...don't know about the other guy" was the answer.

The Next City was right beside a Grocery Store.  We didn't actually see anyone there, they were out, most likely looking for some "blessings" in a dumpster somewhere.  The most memorable part of that City was a piece of garland wrapped around a small pine tree.  That was their Christmas decorations.  We left their food under a basket turned upside down, so no animals would get it before they returned.  Blankets & chap stick on top of the upside down basket...

The Next City - was down the tracks.  Literally, we walked about a 1/4 mile or more down some railroad tracks, escorted by the citizens of the City we were going to.  They had 3 dogs chained up to guard their "city".  2 pit bulls & some kind of a mix breed.  Suffice it to say - you will not sneak up on them.  Their city was a bit more elaborate.  They not only had a few tents, they had ropes all across the trees - holding a "roofing" system made of tarps.  It had the most people we ran into - inclusive of a woman, who says she's a mother to twins.  One of the guys there, told me "they were using their military survival skills" to make it.  This place was also right behind a neighborhood...though it was the most elaborate, it was more like a garbage pit as well.  Apparently, they have lived their a long time.  We all stood in a circle, holding hands & had prayer with them before we left.  They walked us back out...thankful we came.

The Next City had no one there...at 1st.  After "talking into the air", the guy somewhere in there (the woods), must have been convinced we were safe.  He came out to see us, but took a little bit of a "sneak up on them route" - just in case we weren't who we claimed to be...?  This city has a little bit of the "tarp" system too.  I was told this City & the last were in some kind of tiff over something.  I found that to be very strange.  Like the others, we gave him food, a blanket & chap stick.  At the empty tent , we left the food, blankets & chap stick just like before...I learned, that the upside down basket trick is common in the Tent City.  Oh, I almost forgot this place was full of cats...they were everywhere.

The Next & Last - was behind some stores...behind some homes...beside railroad tracks.  It was a nothing more than a tent & a mattress.  Someone lived in the tent & someone lived "on the mattress" - with no cover at all.  They weren't "home".  We left the stuff under & on "the basket".  The most memorable, almost eerie, part of this City was the memorial set up.  It was a stick in the ground with a pretty nice flower arrangement attached to it (much like you see on the side of the road where someone died).  It was placed there in memory of someone who had actually lost their life, right there - in the City.  Only what really got me was that we knew the lady who had died there.   Years ago, she had attended the church I used to Pastor.  Now, in a Tent City, there was a stick with some flowers on it - to remember her by.

When it was all done...we each got in our vehicles & drove home.  The drive home was almost surreal...

One thing that got me is - we really don't know (or want to know) that those people are right behind our neighborhoods...right beside the grocery stores...right beside the roads we drive everyday.  That is the reality of the world in which we are a part of & are meant to help in.  Several of them - simply lost their job...now they are living in a Tent City - right near our homes.

So, today, when it's so cold outside, I couldn't help but think about & pray for "those that have none"..."those that live in tents & call it home".

peace

b