Red Sox Collapse...

For a number of years Ashton & I (or me & Ashton...?) & by default the Groves' home has been Red Sox fans.  If you keep up with baseball, you know they just had the worst fall in baseball history...not making the playoffs again in 2011.

But, that's not really what this blog is about.

Now that they didn't make the payoffs, what are the reasons being given for a team with so much talent  not being in the post season...

1 - As of today - they parted way with Francona, their Team Manager.  IE - the leader of the team.  Like it or not, leadership matters.  So, although Francona took the Sox to & won 2 world series, the leader is held responsible for some of the demise.  And, rightly so.  But, I'll tell ya now, I'm a big Francona fan...so, where he goes - I might have a new team next year...


2 - Team Chemistry is on the radar.  It's been mentioned that during certain events (I assume negative things) the team didn't jell together like great teams do.  Meaning, great teams come closer together in adversity - as a TEAM...not so great teams remain more individualistic during difficulties.  Ironically, when a great team overcomes difficulty, the ability to overcome is ALWAYS a trademark...apparently, when that doesn't happen, it too becomes a trademark.

3 - Conditioning.  Its now on the radar that there were several players not pulling their weight...not staying in top shape.  So, when called upon, they weren't ready for their role...not ready to play/battle...support...etc.

4 - Not focused.  Allowing other less important things to distract from the main thing.  So, their focus wasn't where it needed to be.

So...the reason I write is this - these are the same things that take you out of the game in most areas of life.

Leadership - whether in the home...job...church...nation...etc...leaders matter.

TEAM - we are better together than we are separated.  The Bible mentions this as well - "2 are better than 1...3 are not quickly broken"...

Condition - how many times have we needed to be ready for something in life & we weren't.  Whether a tough time or an opportunity.

Focus - one of the greatest weapons formed against us is distraction.  You can't go full speed when you are looking over there or behind you.

So, sadly the Sox are no longer the team they were just an hour ago.  They will pick up the pieces & try to learn "what really went wrong" & "how do we fix & prevent it" from happening again.

Isn't that exactly what we all need to do from time to time.

peace...

b

Show Me the Money...

Again - no surprise here - but times are tough.

They (the people who study this stuff) say that 1 of the top 3 reasons marriages end in divorce is financial.

As most of us already know, money is an issue - whether you have a lot of it or a little.  But, IMO, it's better to have more than less...

But, what I want to write about is this - how couples deal with financial troubles...

In our home, we have had to learn how to not allow finances to make things worse...and how to still enjoy the journey even though everything has to be about "affording it".  AND I'd like to share a few things that I think are imperative for enjoying life through difficult times.

1st - there can NOT be any division regarding money.  Specifically, I mean a "you did this" thing going on.  True as it may be, it just can't be like that.  One may have lost their job...quit...took a risk...started a business that didn't make it...on & on & on.  But, if you are planning on still being together after the financial crunch - you can't let money divide you.


NOTED - this is not easy, especially when you feel 1 is more responsible than the other for the trouble...However, you really have to ask yourself what your point is when you put all the blame on the other...It's a "so what now" kind of thing.

2nd - Open dialog regarding the financial reality is required.  Not only open, but honest.  I mean like "this is where we are right now" financially.  IMO, one of the hardest things to get a handle on is living within your new means.  Figuring out what the essentials are...needs v. wants...where anything other than needed money can be spent.  Because at the same time, though money is tight, some "fun" spending has tremendous payoffs...whether eating a simple dinner out together...taking a ride...coffee...etc.  Not all things are linear & therefore dialog is required.  Also, both accepting the reality is imperative, otherwise one will not accept the new limits while the other feels more pressure to make it all work.

NOTE - I do think the husband should carry most of the weight of the financial reality.  Meaning, if money has to be shuffled...bills have to be dealt with...late payments...who gets paid...etc... I think the husband should be the one carrying most of that.  It doesn't mean there still shouldn't be dialog...just that weight should be mostly on him.

3rd - Timing the Talks.  Sometimes the pressure is too high to talk about the money...So, give it a break...come back to it later...acknowledge the time is not good - but also acknowledge it will be talked about later.

4th - There has to be some new rules within the entire family.  That's tough!  How do you deal with it & yet not let the kids feel the pressure you're feeling?  To state "we are figuring it out" or "we don't have money for that right now" is one thing...to allow them to know the rest of the story is quite another.  Should the home know - yes.  Should they all feel the pressure - I don't think so.  If you can't deal with it, why should you put it on them?

5th - Do what you have to do.  If you don't have a J.O.B. - then your job is to get a job.  I know it's not easy - but at the same time - I've seen others get jobs...so they are out there...

6th - Don't freak.  Make good decisions...realize the future will be bright again.  The more your emotions rule in this - the worst your decisions will be.  Then there will be not only money issues - but relational too.  Minimize damage.

NOTE - Credit is not your money...so don't get more of it when you are out of your money.

7th - Stay faithful to God.  He didn't create this mess...so, don't blame Him nor walk away from Him.  One of the hardest things to do when money is tight, is to still give God his portion.  But, if you believe it like it says...

8th - Remember, it's only money.  If you lose it all - there is still life to live.

NOTE - No matter what Don't Quit Living!!!  Allowing your life to become smaller because of money is a mistake.  There are plenty of ways to still live on a budget or even without spending.

9th - When it's all said & done - Faith...Family...Friends are all you really have anyway.  Keep them close to you - the rest will figure itself out eventually.

10th - Both your G/gods will be revealed as well as your priorities & values during difficult times.  Your G/gods will be revealed by what or who you turn to...You will ultimately turn to whatever you believe in most.  (I wrote about this yesterday...).  Your priorities & values will be revealed by what you turn or walk away from.  You will find a systematic way of walking away from...turning from...getting rid of things that are less important, before you do the same with things that are most important.  Both of these will happen...whether systematically or randomly - they are already in you...tough times just force you to reveal them.  Ironically, some things revealed are not always pleasant...

I want to close this by saying - everything I just wrote is how we have had to walk through some very trying times financially.  Most of the things mentioned above, are from the lessons of things we have done right & from some things we have done wrong.  If you handle this area right (or better) it will actually bring you closer together AND help you get more creative in having fun together too - without having to always spend.

I hope this helps...And I hope it helps put things in a different perspective.

peace

b

Life Struggles...

I wanted to try & encourage a friend or 2 today.

I don't know about all of us...but for most of us - we don't like to struggle - me included.

However...there are things we can only learn when or after we struggle.

For instance, we will learn where we place our greatest trust when we struggle.  Because, after it all gets heated up, we will ultimately turn to what we think will most help us get through it or cope with it.  Whether it's God...the Bible...a friend...spouse...alcohol...drugs...something.  But no matter what - we will turn to it...maybe not initially...but eventually.  Ideally, we will turn to God.

We also learn a lot about ourselves in struggles.  We can claim to be strong...tough...whatever...but we really don't know what we're made of until we have to know what we are made of.  Because, we can fake it in the good times...blah blah blah stuff...But, again, when the heat is on, whatever is really in us will surface - good or bad.  We might find out we are stronger than we thought or we might fall apart.  But, it's a lesson on self no matter.

We will learn about those closest to us as well.  It's easy to have a friend when it easy...anyone can do that.  However, you already know - you find out who you're true friends are when the chips are down.

Life happens...some days it's good...some bad...some horrible.  We all face times that are uncertain...unfair...difficult...etc.

I know there are people that are : better off than me & worse off than me.  Neither one helps me when the tough parts of life are rocking my world.

The only thing I know to do is...

Stay focused...Pray...Lean on God & lean on my faith in Him...Find a scripture that helps...Trust in His Sovereignty...Listen to good advice & good music...Find ways to de-stress...Be honest in where I am with those I can really trust...Believe that this too shall pass...Hold On...

So, for my friends that are struggling...Know - you are not in this alone...and there is a brighter day ahead.  Like you, I just wish it would get here quicker too...but until it does - walk on.

b

The Mousetrap is None of My Concern...

A parable I ran across in studying today.  I thought it was worth sharing...

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package.  "What food might this contain?"  He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.  Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning to the other animals, "There's a mousetrap in the house, there's a mousetrap in the house!".  The chicken clucked and raised her head, saying, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me.  I cannot be bothered by it."  So the mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house!"  The pig sympathized but said, "I'm so very sorry Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray.  Be assured that you are in my prayers."  The mouse turned to the cow, but she said, "I'm sorry for you, Mr. Mouse, but it's no skin off my nose."

So the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.  That very night a sound was heard throughout the house like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.  The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.  In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.  The snake bit the farmer's wife.  The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.  Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.  But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with the farmer's wife around the clock.  To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.  But the farmer's wife did not get well and soon died.  So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

So the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it doesn't concern you, remember that when one of us is threatened, we all are at risk.  In the book of Genesis, Cain said about Abel his brother to our God: "Am I my brother's keeper?"  We are all involved in this journey called life.  We must keep an eye out for one another and be willing to make that extra effort to encourage and support each other - even when...

Dreams...

Today I had the opportunity to hear John Maxwell speak.

1st, let me say how much I just enjoyed being in that setting.  It's been a long time since I've had the chance, or maybe taken the chance to do so.  It felt good.  And to hang out with a few friends...good stuff.

John talked about dreams...not the "when you're asleep" kind of dreams...the "while you're wide awake" kind of dreams.  The dreams you have for your life...those kind.

Here are a questions he asked & a few points I took away...

1 - Is it your dream you are living.

If you are doing what you're doing for anyone other than yourself (speaking specific to a dream), you are living for someone else's dream - not yours.

Failing at trying, will make you better than making excuses for why you can't do it.  Failure is obvious - excuses are more subtle & can be very inebriating.

You have to be the 1st one to invest in your dream...before anyone else will or should.  If you won't take a chance on it - why ask someone else to.

If you can be talked out of your dream - you should be.  It says a lot about what you really thought about it & also lets you know - it really wasn't your dream.

2 - You have to see part of your dream clearly.

Like a 1000 pc puzzle, you may not see it all at once - but you should be able to see some of it as you work toward it.

A fuzzy dream cannot be achieved.

It's impossible to prioritize your life if the dream is not clear.  Clarity leads to priorities.

3 - Passion required.

Too often people are passionate about the dream & not about the journey to seeing it become reality.  It's easy to talk about the dream - anyone can do that...few people will remain passionate during the journey.

Passion causes you to be unreasonably energetic towards the dream becoming reality.  Nothing can deter...

4 - Am I any closer today than I was yesterday to seeing my dream become fulfilled.

The answer should be yes...maybe not an emphatic yes...but yes none the less.  If not, why not...what needs to change.

peace.

b

ps - thanks to my friend Jim for the invite to a great lunch & chance to hang out with some friends.

Grace, Forgiveness & other things like 'em...

So...

I've been thinking about this grace & forgiveness thing...

Biblical ideals we are all meant to embrace...not only embrace - but we will have to personally deal with in detrimental ways if we don't - according to the Bible.

I am/was someone who needed both grace & forgiveness in radical ways - not like we all don't. It's just that we feel better thinking someone else is a worse sinner than ourselves.  But either way, I needed (& need) both nonetheless.

Let me say, I feel like I'm a pretty good grace giver & forgiver.  Overall.  Not that I don't struggle with forgiving certain people...events...things said...sins...etc...but, overall I feel like I do ok with both...but I'm really struggling with what it means when I say I've forgiven someone.

What's that mean, to say I forgive?

Here's where I am on it.

To say to myself - or even to another person, other than the one I've forgiven, "that I forgive them"...what's that mean?  What's been accomplished?

Can grace or forgiveness truly live in a vacuum?  Can it really be something that's ONLY "said".  As if that completes the deal.  Is forgiveness really just a statement?  Is grace just an idea of good rather than harm?  

Do you see the flaw?  

Here's the rub for me.

It's a whole lot easier to say it (though getting to that point might take a lot of time & be extremely difficult) than it is to show it.  To show grace or offer forgiveness is a completely different story.  

IMO, forgiveness & grace are only about the forgiven, when EXPRESSED to them...or am I wrong?  Does it need expressed at all?  Is it about the forgiver or the forgiven...or both?

To express it means - I not only no longer try to harm them, I also no longer "hold onto things" inside...I wish for good...I pray for them...AND, if it's ever the right thing to do, I tell them "I forgive you"...Not in some "I'm doing you a real favor here" kind of way...in a real Jesus Christ kind of way that feels right in both the forgiver & the forgiven.  It's the whole "actions speak louder than words" thing.

Biblically, to forgive means to release someone of a debt...to let them go free of what you think they owe you...Albeit - they may really owe you.  To forgive means you choose to let them go free from that debt.

If I carry around - anger...bitterness...even something just short of "hatred" (again because I'm not allowed to hate - the Bible tells me so)...then how can I say I've forgiven?  Is there more to it or not?  I'm not sure.

The world is full of guilty...hurting people...sinners.

To let them know - we not only talk the talk - but walk the walk can literally change their life & their world.

Talk is cheap...AND at times meaningless.  I'm trying to know what to do or not do with "forgiveness".

People of the Second Chance.

b

Beyond Maintenance

One of the challenges I run into in my Spiritual journey is...not "going to Christ" only in crisis mode.

Meaning...

Having an ongoing prayer life - that is not always based on some crisis...or need.  If I'm not careful, I can allow most of my prayers to be "need based"...always asking for something.

Also, if I'm not paying attention, I read a devotional more than the Bible.  Partly because the devotional speaks to some area of "need" too.  Whereas, reading the Bible should be more of a discipline for learning not only in the bad times, but also simply learning the Word of God...by learning the Word, I also learn about Who he is...What he's like...How he acts or responds in given situations...etc.  If I spend time in the word - for me it seems more like it's because I really want to learn about Him.  Also, for me, I have to guard against going to the Word because Sunday's coming...and I better have something to say.

So, the place I am right now...is Learning to spend time in prayer - when all the stuff "I have to pray about" is over.  Learning to read the Word - because it's the primary means of getting to know more about God in my life.

Yup...

Taking this beyond crisis mode is a challenge...I am determined to press through & know what it means to KNOW Him more & more just because...

peace

b