Show Me the Money...

Again - no surprise here - but times are tough.

They (the people who study this stuff) say that 1 of the top 3 reasons marriages end in divorce is financial.

As most of us already know, money is an issue - whether you have a lot of it or a little.  But, IMO, it's better to have more than less...

But, what I want to write about is this - how couples deal with financial troubles...

In our home, we have had to learn how to not allow finances to make things worse...and how to still enjoy the journey even though everything has to be about "affording it".  AND I'd like to share a few things that I think are imperative for enjoying life through difficult times.

1st - there can NOT be any division regarding money.  Specifically, I mean a "you did this" thing going on.  True as it may be, it just can't be like that.  One may have lost their job...quit...took a risk...started a business that didn't make it...on & on & on.  But, if you are planning on still being together after the financial crunch - you can't let money divide you.


NOTED - this is not easy, especially when you feel 1 is more responsible than the other for the trouble...However, you really have to ask yourself what your point is when you put all the blame on the other...It's a "so what now" kind of thing.

2nd - Open dialog regarding the financial reality is required.  Not only open, but honest.  I mean like "this is where we are right now" financially.  IMO, one of the hardest things to get a handle on is living within your new means.  Figuring out what the essentials are...needs v. wants...where anything other than needed money can be spent.  Because at the same time, though money is tight, some "fun" spending has tremendous payoffs...whether eating a simple dinner out together...taking a ride...coffee...etc.  Not all things are linear & therefore dialog is required.  Also, both accepting the reality is imperative, otherwise one will not accept the new limits while the other feels more pressure to make it all work.

NOTE - I do think the husband should carry most of the weight of the financial reality.  Meaning, if money has to be shuffled...bills have to be dealt with...late payments...who gets paid...etc... I think the husband should be the one carrying most of that.  It doesn't mean there still shouldn't be dialog...just that weight should be mostly on him.

3rd - Timing the Talks.  Sometimes the pressure is too high to talk about the money...So, give it a break...come back to it later...acknowledge the time is not good - but also acknowledge it will be talked about later.

4th - There has to be some new rules within the entire family.  That's tough!  How do you deal with it & yet not let the kids feel the pressure you're feeling?  To state "we are figuring it out" or "we don't have money for that right now" is one thing...to allow them to know the rest of the story is quite another.  Should the home know - yes.  Should they all feel the pressure - I don't think so.  If you can't deal with it, why should you put it on them?

5th - Do what you have to do.  If you don't have a J.O.B. - then your job is to get a job.  I know it's not easy - but at the same time - I've seen others get jobs...so they are out there...

6th - Don't freak.  Make good decisions...realize the future will be bright again.  The more your emotions rule in this - the worst your decisions will be.  Then there will be not only money issues - but relational too.  Minimize damage.

NOTE - Credit is not your money...so don't get more of it when you are out of your money.

7th - Stay faithful to God.  He didn't create this mess...so, don't blame Him nor walk away from Him.  One of the hardest things to do when money is tight, is to still give God his portion.  But, if you believe it like it says...

8th - Remember, it's only money.  If you lose it all - there is still life to live.

NOTE - No matter what Don't Quit Living!!!  Allowing your life to become smaller because of money is a mistake.  There are plenty of ways to still live on a budget or even without spending.

9th - When it's all said & done - Faith...Family...Friends are all you really have anyway.  Keep them close to you - the rest will figure itself out eventually.

10th - Both your G/gods will be revealed as well as your priorities & values during difficult times.  Your G/gods will be revealed by what or who you turn to...You will ultimately turn to whatever you believe in most.  (I wrote about this yesterday...).  Your priorities & values will be revealed by what you turn or walk away from.  You will find a systematic way of walking away from...turning from...getting rid of things that are less important, before you do the same with things that are most important.  Both of these will happen...whether systematically or randomly - they are already in you...tough times just force you to reveal them.  Ironically, some things revealed are not always pleasant...

I want to close this by saying - everything I just wrote is how we have had to walk through some very trying times financially.  Most of the things mentioned above, are from the lessons of things we have done right & from some things we have done wrong.  If you handle this area right (or better) it will actually bring you closer together AND help you get more creative in having fun together too - without having to always spend.

I hope this helps...And I hope it helps put things in a different perspective.

peace

b