Chick-Fil-A & 107 People Without Food

So


Yesterday I was at Chick-Fil-A with Shawn, Ashton & Taylor.  And, like usual, we said a prayer before eating.


Only, I got a little messed up in the prayer.  Not as in, messing up the words.  Rather, in giving thanks for "this food".


This food consisting of nothing special...a chicken sandwich & fries.


But, what messed me up was this.  About the time I was going to say "thanks for this food", I remembered where we were going that same evening...to feed the homeless.  IE those without food.


FOOD - the staple of life...they don't have any.  No matter their story - they have NO FOOD.


So.


As I got to the "thanks for this food" part - rather than being the words we always say...it was in the moment of thinking about those that have NONE.  That got to me.


For maybe the 1st time in a long time - I really meant "thanks for this food".  Saying it wasn't a routine...habit...the right thing to do.  No, this time it was really from a place of gratitude.


Then later that same evening...we went to "feed those that have none".


107 of them to be exact on this night.


I'll introduce you to a few of them...


Joe - a guy in his mid 20's.  His hair - not really in dreads, more like crumpled mess.  "Where ya from Joe?"  Norfolk was his answer.  I couldn't help but wonder "what's his story"?  His last words as he walked out the door "I'm just trying to stay warm man.  Thanks for the food".


A Family of 4.  Husband, Wife & 2 sons.  The youngest boy - maybe about 8.  Hardly tall enough to reach the drinks being served.  So to reach out to him the best we could at that time - we gave him TWO (2) cookies instead of the normal ONE (1).  They looked like completely normal people - everyday people...only they have No FOOD to eat.


Dan.  He came up to me & asked could he talk with me.  He's 40.  He's been out of jail for 2 weeks.  Already has a job...trying to recover from "a bad mistake".  He was humbled to the point of being  embarrassed.  He's "looking for a better job...needs a break".


Or the guy who ate extra beans - because they are "the real nutrition for the cold"...


Or the guy who said "they were the best beans he has ever eaten there".


Or the lady who said the same about the potatoes.


Or all the people who said "they had never been served BBQ" there before.  It was "one of the best meals they had in a long time".


Or the man who drank 2 cups of tea - "to keep hydrated".


They came by & thanked us "for the food".


They offered their "bless you's" to US!


So


Today, as I thanked God for my food - I prayed for those that have none.


Realizing - my prayers won't feed them...we have to do that.  We are the answer to the prayers.


I will go back & help feed them again...them being "those without food".


Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do [it] to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me. - Jesus


peace


b

Every Story Has 2 Sides...

I used to be (well, I still am at times) pretty judgmental.  Well, perhaps prejudiced would be a better word?


I don't mean prejudiced in a racial way.  I mean more in, "once I hear a story about someone"...I pre-judge them or it.  I form all the opinions I need & I'm done after that.  I come to my own conclusions...develop my own reactions & responses...decide how I will or will not handle it...etc.


Prejudiced means to pre-judge...or to form an opinion NOT based on reason or experience.


That's what I mean...I'd prejudge the entire deal off of one side of the story...or even part of the story...or sometimes just a rumor that was close to a story.  Actually, it's probably safe to say, the story was, at times, an excuse to validate some personal feelings I already had to start with...now I could use them on someone, because of "the story".


I don't really have an example...but I was good at it - in very certain ways.


It seems like I had certain people that I just needed an excuse to not like anyway...done.  Or, once I had someone "validate" my suspicions...done.  Whether the story was true or not, was secondary to where I ended up on it.  I just needed a story.  Then I would move on...done.


I didn't repeat the story.  No, that would be wrong.  I now, simply had a reason within for my feelings or thoughts.  Of course, since I wouldn't repeat the story, about all I'd say about it or about them would be "I have my reasons"...or, "trust me..." or, something like that.


ANYWAY


I'm not sure you'll get that part of things.  But, I hope you'll get the rest of this.


Every Story has 2 Sides.


Always Has & Always Will.


We all know that from the jump already.


However, I was too quick to accept the 1 side of a story, believe it as the truth...fill in the blanks...done.


Not anymore.  If I can't validate the other side OR if I don't really care about the story - I'm out.  No harm & no foul.


That way I'm not "pre-judging" someone or something before I know about both sides of the story.  And, I'm not wasting my energy on something that really doesn't concern me.


Every Story has a VERY Subjective Side to it.


You've heard it - "that's my story & I'm sticking with it".


We tend to tell it the way we want it heard, rather than telling it honestly &/or objectively.  Our version will almost always have only our thoughts...our emotions...our ideas...our directives...and whatever else we think should become part of the story.  After all, it's our story & our audience as well.


Again, telling the whole truth is almost impossible...for many reasons.  This is not only my opinion - it's scientific truth.  Once we wire our brain in a certain way with the story - we believe that it's the truth - regardless.  So, of course, we then tell it just like that...as being the truth...tone of voice...feelings...emotions...reactions...all validating "the truth".


I love the line in a NeedtoBreathe song.  It says "just because I'm wrong...it don't make you right.  No you ain't right".



So.  I've learned to not take a person's story as being pure.  It's theirs - therefore it can't be without something they've added...for whatever reason.

It's My Story...I'll Cry if I Want To.


It's crazy how "right" we can be...while being totally wrong.  But, once we are set on our story or the story, you'd do better trying to push water uphill than tell someone "there's another side to this" or suggest they might not be seeing it right.


Crazy - You don't even have to be a part of the story.  You can be the person they "wanted to talk to".


I'm sure we've all been there...where you try to suggest "there's 2 sides to this"..."maybe they didn't mean it to sound like that"...or something that tries to normalize their side.


The moment you try to even suggest being more objective - BAMM.  All hell breaks loose.  Why?  Because now, you are choosing "the others' side" or "you are saying what everyone else said" or something that makes them feel like a victim - again.


Most people are more concerned about their point of view than they are about being right.


So, you can't help them...because anything against their story is seen as an attack or something like that.  So, they shut down...shut you out...withdraw...and live in "their story".


Anyway.


I know I have learned to not put a lot of stock in someone's story, when it's: inflamed with emotions...full of feelings...has some cost...covering their tail...about someone not there...against someone else...shared as "don't repeat this"..."you didn't hear this from me"...etc...


Blah blah blah blah...



God said it like this in Deut. 19:15 (the Message)  You cannot convict anyone of a crime or sin on the word of one witness. You need two or three witnesses to make a case.

Not that I have this down completely yet.  Because, there still are times I jump right in the middle of a story...only to be reminded...there's another side to this...

It just seems like we more often want to convict or even "crucify" someone, rather than restore or help them.

peace

b

Shhhhhhhhhhh....

A

Riddle...

Puzzle...

Contemplation...

Challenge...

Thought...

Key...

Secret...

Truth...

Duh...

What if there was a key to it all?  To life I mean.

What if there was some "thing" that if you had it - you were guaranteed to live a BETTER life.

BUT.

What if you were guaranteed to live a LESSER life without it.

Would you want it?

What if your life was MEANINGLESS without it.

BUT.

What if your life had tremendous MEANING with it.

Would you want it?

What if your life was SHALLOW without it.

BUT.

What if your life was SIGNIFICANT with it.

Would you want it?

What if this "stuff" could HEAL your heart if you have it.

BUT.

What if the lack of this "stuff" could eat your soul like a CANCER.

Would you want it - even more?

What if this "stuff" has the power to set you & others FREE when you use it.

BUT.

What if this same "stuff" has the power to ENSLAVE you & them if you don't use it.

Would you want it - even more?

What if, what I'm saying is 100% true.

Would you want it - more?

What if all the lives in your world would BENEFIT from you having it.

BUT.


What if every life in your world would SUFFER from you not having it.


Would you want it - more?


What if I told you that you ALREADY have it.


You not only have it - you have ALL you'll EVER NEED.


What is it?


LOVE

L.O.V.E.

L to the O to the V to the E

LOVE

Here's EXACTLY what the Bible says about LOVE & our life.

It's found in 1 Corinthians 13 (AKA the Love Chapter)

The Greatest Gift

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.  Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part.  But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.


When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.


And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

It teaches that love is the greatest gift in our life.

It teaches us that TO LOVE is mature.  To not is childish.

It teaches that, no matter what we do or accomplish in life, if we don't love, every piece of our life, is meaningless.

LOVE

It might be hidden within...it might be behind a hardened heart...it might be struggling for life under the weight of unforgiveness...it might be hard to give because it was never received...or something else might be strangling your love from living...

But.

God, himself being LOVE, has placed love within each of us.


HE will teach us all how to LOVE.

If we allow Him IN.


AND.


If we allow Him to TEACH us.


Do you still want it?


Do you want it - more?


All ya have to do is ask & allow it to live...


Try it...

Merry Christmas to all...

b

No Excuse...

The GAINS...Real Conversations - No Bull

Back to some things I've gained in the last couple years...

I'm not sure why...But, one of the areas that has definitely changed is the depth of conversations I have & the depth of questions I now ask or answer.

I'm not sure how to explain this...

But, what I'm specifically speaking of is, not being afraid to ask or answer the questions really needing asked or answered.

Kind of a No Bull allowed thing...

An example...

You know how it feels when you are talking to someone having a really bad moment in life.  You know...they know...you both know you know.  Yet, you don't go there...you don't talk about it...you don't ask...they don't bring it up...that awkward feel - knowing you're avoiding something - but you just avoid it...and you talk about stuff that really doesn't matter.  Do you know what I'm trying to describe?

Anyway - I think we have all been there.

Well.

That's the stuff I am no longer avoiding.  The questions or conversations needing to be dealt with.  I go there.  Or, I allow others to go there.

It seems very real.  Very honest.  It feels like a breath of fresh air when it happens.

It's like you & they both feel relieved...free...connected...

The irony to it is - by going there, you feel more connected to that person...more in touch with where they really are in life...their story...their struggle...Or yours for that matter.

You feel more alive...more human...more caring...more _________ (something significant goes here).

Why is it a GAIN?  because, I used to not go there.  I'd leave that moment - feeling like something was missing.  Feeling like there was a void in what had just happened.

Not anymore.

NOW

Without having to force anything...it just happens.  Naturally so.

Maybe before - part of it was I either didn't care to hear it...was in too much of a hurry...was somewhere else in my thoughts...or something.

Also, I'd make it hard for people to ask the real questions or answer as superficially as possible at times.

You know what I'm talking about.  Knowing you either didn't ask (for whatever reason) or didn't answer (for whatever reason) the things really needing talked about.

NOW

I've learned to live in the moment.  To be there - all there.

I don't have this down completely - but when it happens...it's way cool.

Still growing...

b

The Power of Focus

I'm not sure if it's focus only that I am speaking of, or the lack of distractions as well.  I think it's both...


When you have this "focus" in your life, it provides incredible energy.


Focus = 


Clarity...


Being sure...


Confidence...


Zeal...


Ambition...


Desire...


Readiness...


Prioritization...


Pruning...


Unavailable for "less"...


Vision...


Dreams...


I don't mean focus provides one, two or three of these things.  No, I mean focus provides each of these things and so much more.


There's a moment in Alice in Wonderland, where Alice asks the Cheshire Cat for direction.  It goes like this:


Alice: Tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Alice: I don't much care where.

Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.

Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.

How often do we do life just like that?  Without direction?

That can't & won't happen when you're focused.  I say can't & won't because, you won't allow it.  Focus screams for purpose & intentionality.

I'm sure some people say there's a formula for focus...and there might be.  I don't know.

Here's what I know.  When you minimize all the "garbage...trash...sins...lesser stuff...mediocrity...whiners...excuses...& whatever else needs to be on this list" - then there's nothing left but focus.

Too often we give our best energy to all the crap that simply steals our best from us.  And, too often we don't even know...other than by this gut feeling that says "is this all there is to life..."?

Here's the other side of the same coin.  God has a plan for each of us.

He has promised to direct us...order our life...show us the plan...help us stay in it...

SO

Though I don't want to rush the Christmas season & all the great moments from now til the end of 2011.

BUT

I cannot wait until 2012.

God has given me an incredible focus & has gotten me/us to where the "less" has been displaced & is in the past.

Feeling the power of focus in many areas of life...it's a great way to see again.

peace...

b

The GAINS...Something I AM not Something I Do...

Somewhere along the way, I got lost.

When?  I don't know.

How?  I don't know that either.

Actually...it was one of those "I'm lost...but didn't know, until I was found again" things.  What I mean, is, I didn't know that I had lost so much with my relationship with Christ along the way.  "The way" being over the almost 18 years of Pastoring my 1st church.

Somewhere, I allowed "Following Christ" to become something that I did as opposed to something that I was.  But, I really didn't know how compartmentalized I had made my relationship with Christ.  Maybe I was too messed up...too lost within...too disoriented...too confused...too _____???

Somehow, I had put most of my following Him into some little compartment in my life.  And, I'd open it up when needed...and I'd keep it closed when I didn't "need" or want it.  Crazy.  But, I guess that's part of the whole sin deal...it's called deceiving for a reason...we are told to "be sober" for a reason...we are told that "satan is looking to destroy us" for a reason...he was portrayed as a "serpent" for a reason...

NOW...

I have been restored to a place in Him that is not some little compartment in my life...it's not something in a compartment that I open on Sunday & whenever else convenient.

NO...

Without question, one of the GAINS in my life (ministry & every other area of life) is that following Him is no longer just something I do.   It's now who I am - a Christ Follower.

It's no longer just a piece of me...it's me.  It's now in my psyche...my heart...my efforts...my zeal...my determination...my daily walk...it's now something I've learned to practice 24/7.

I hear ya - "shouldn't it have already been that way the whole time?"..."isn't that what we are all supposed to be doing anyway?"  YES!  That's part of my point...somewhere I lost that.  Now, it's been found again.

I can't even begin to fully explain how fully & how far reaching that renewal has been within my life...heart...soul...& how every facet of my life has been affected (renewed?  healed?) by this GAIN.

SO

All I am trying to say is this: From out of the mess of my sin(s)...I have been found again.  I have been made new.  I no longer can take or leave Christ as guiding my life, per my convenience...I have learned to allow Him to affect me to the core again...to change me from the inside out...to make what I portray, what I do & who I am become synonymous...

I am a Christ Follower in the Fullest sense of the word.

Praise God!

b

The GAINS...My wife as my FRIEND.

So...

What would I say I've gained over the last couple years?

Let's talk about my marriage...

I'll take you to a moment we had in the counselor's office.  (Part of the year long 40 - 45 marital sessions we had together with the Counselor...you know just part of the restoration process that some say we didn't go through).  Sorry I got off track - huh.

K.  I'm back on now.

The Counselor asked something like this: "Bob.  Of the 3 loves mentioned in the Bible - Eros (erotic), Agape (unconditional) & Phileo (friendship)...which is most missing in your marriage?"  It was a light bulb moment for me...& ultimately for our marriage as well.  Without hesitation, & to the disagreement of Shawn, I immediately said, "Phileo...friendship."

I'm telling you - it was an "aha moment".

Though I had taught about the 3 loves in the Bible, I had never considered them within the context of a marriage.

I realized, at that moment, that we had drifted apart over the years...allowing an area of our marriage to simply die.  Not that we noticed...it simply died a slow death...somewhere over the years.

I realized, at that moment - that Shawn & me were not friends...though we loved each other - we had no friendship to speak of.

I realized a key to our/my healing.  Friendship negates loneliness.

So, over the course of many talks...counseling sessions...dates...walks...coffees...and a whole lot more...we learned to become friends...great friends.

We diligently worked on, and still have to pay attention to, our friendship.

Now, without question, our friendship has become an area that has taken our marriage to a place it hasn't been for many many years.  Perhaps, it was never like this...ever.

We found common areas to become friends.  We quit saying no to doing things together.

Now.  We walk together on the beach.  We go to movies together not only as husband & wife...we go as friends.  We found areas of life to share in together.  We laugh.  We cry.  We have fun.  We have learned to "be our self" together.

Now, it's not uncommon for us to find some time in any given day...laughing together...smiling at each other...sitting together - just talking...connecting...sharing life together...being friends.

It's an incredible place we have gotten to.

So what is something I GAINED?

My wife is not only "my wife...my lover...the mother of my children...she's my Friend...something that I was searching for, for a long time.

I love you babe.  I'm glad that we are...

b

The COST...the GAINS...

Time to switch gears...

BUT

Before I do.  I want to say that the blogs on COST was not meant to be an exhaustive list of costs.  The ones I wrote about, were the ones that just seemed to be in my heart & were the ones I could most easily write about at this time.  I did try writing about other areas (finances & opportunities...) but they just didn't come together after several attempts...so I am moving on...

The thing that has been in my heart while writing the COST has been the other side of the same coin...the new OPPORTUNITIES in our life.

So...

I will follow that train of thought & see where we end up.

I'll start here...

In spite of how hard this restoration...rebuilding...renewal process has been...out of it has come some of the most incredible insights & discoveries I've had in my life.

One of the most significant is - God's incredibly deep work He's done in my life.  When I say I am not who I used to be - that is not a cliche...it's not some remark used flippantly...it's not something to say because it seems like it should be said.  No, it is exactly what it's called - God's incredible work deep within me.

It's not that God didn't always want to do this in me (or anyone else as far as that is concerned).  It's that, for whatever reason(s), I never let it happen.  Why?  I have no idea.  Well, actually I might have an idea or two, but that's all they are - ideas.

Did it take this mess to allow God to do this work?  Apparently for me, yes.  I wished I had taken a different path years ago, but it didn't happen.

BUT

Thank God - I truly am not who I used to be.

There were times along the way that I could "feel" God doing a work in my heart.   There were other times, that something simply changed within me.

I hate the COST & losses...

I love the GAIN within.

I love who God has made me to be.

SO...

With that said.

Thank you God for being gracious to me...thank you God that where sin did abound - your grace did much more abound...thank you God for being all that you are in my life...my marriage...my home...my family...and, the ministry you've allowed me back into.

I'm grateful that because of God...Shawn...my family...my friends - that I didn't bail on this process...that God gained access to somewhere within that needed changed...that we stayed with it...until.

I love love love knowing deep within how much you, God, have done within me.

excited & pressing on...

b

The COST INTERNALLY...Confidence in it all...

I want to say upfront - that though this blog is about my confidence...it's also an area that God has done a really deep work in as well.  It's more like - something that was a definite cost...but also something that God has restored as well.  I'll write about the COST.


When I speak about confidence...it's probably a number of "things" that I actually have in mind.


"Things" like:


Confidence...Uncertainty...Trust...Second guessing...Suspicious...Even fearful...


All non tangible...living somewhere within.  My heart?  Mind?  Spirit?  All the above?  I think so...yes - living within each & any at any given time.


If you knew me "before" - you'd know that NONE of the above were issues in my life - at all.  NONE.  I had confidence & had no fear.  Yet, each became something I had to wrestle with & learn to negate their influences over my life.  Thankfully, by God's grace...some relearning...some healing...& probably a few other ingredients...I have mostly gotten past each of them.  But, like an old nemesis, one or two of 'em, from time to time, tries to creep back in...it's all part of the COST.


Let me delve into my Confidence a little more.


IMO, it's a really complex area that can't be reduced to a saying...or some little cliche.  When I talk about losing my confidence, for me, it involves what I know of myself...what I learned about certain others...how some responded to my future being renewed...feelings as well as knowledge.  Then, of course, trying to live in what God really has to say about it...after you hear all the other opinions of it as well.  It's not easy just walking above all the stuff...don't let anyone tell you that it is.  Somewhere within, whatever the opposite of confidence is, at times would just overwhelm me.  It's part of the COST.


Confidence is not something that lives in a vacuum.  It's tied to the people in your life...their opinions...their responses...their silence...their anger...their love or their hatred...etc.  You can have all the confidence in the world - but if people don't allow it - it doesn't go anywhere.  So, confidence is also about people having confidence in you too.  I'm not talking about  every person in the world...that wouldn't be feasible.  I'm talking about people that matter to you...those you want to have a positive response from.  And those people may or may not be on the positive side at all.  That's how your confidence gets rocked even more...when people that matter - don't have confidence in you any longer.  You can't just ignore that.  It makes you go within & question a lot of things.  Again, it's part of the COST.


Then add to that...


Uncertainty.  I mean not really knowing anything for sure any longer.


Trust.  Not knowing who you can & can't trust.  Not knowing some people's agenda - because of having seen some who had/have such nasty agendas...you learn that not all is as it appears.  So, though you were not trust worthy, you are also reminded - there are a lot of people who can't be trusted.


Second guessing.  Yourself...others...


Suspicious.  This is not new for me, it just seems that it took on a bigger role...


Fearful.  This would have been the last thing you could have ever labeled me before - afraid.  It didn't exist anywhere in my life.  But, for a while, it was like a crazy monkey I couldn't get off my back.  It showed up in a lot of ways...it would raise it's head from time to time...it took awhile to really kill this one.  It was all part of the COST of the life I had lived for too too long.


Thankfully...Confidence is being renewed each & every Sunday.  Each & every prayer.  Each & every friendship restored or each friendship being formed.  God has a way of speaking to that same place where confidence was lost & renewing you/it in a really deep & significant way.


By confidence being restored, I don't mean in some braggadocios or arrogant way.  I simply mean, being confident that God really does what God says.  He will restore...He will pick you up out of your mess...His grace really is greater than your sins...on & on & on.


By confidence, I mean walking in the knowledge of who I am in Him being separate from what I've done.


By confidence, I mean allowing God to do such a deep work in you...that you know you are finally no longer the person who sinned...you truly have been renewed...reborn...restored.


By confidence, I mean sitting with God & knowing that you & Him are really ok.


Yet, from time to time...it ALL gets tossed back in the air...uncertainty rushes in...questions get bigger than the answers...fear tries to displace faith...Sadly, at times, it doesn't take much...it's part of the COST.


It feels like you become a bit gun-shy...fearful...weary...it's not a good feeling at all.


Then...by God's grace - you are reminded of what you've known all along.  God loves you regardless...you are surrounded by people that really love you no matter.  And that's all you need to know...for when it's all said & done - that's all you have anyway.


It's really about which of the voices you are going to listen to most...which ones are going to have the bigger influence over you & your life.  For me, I choose confidence over fear.  I choose friend over foe.  I chose God over them all.


With that - I press on...& when my confidence is shaken in any way...I know somewhere God will find a way to remind me...that I can be confident of 1 thing - no matter...

being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you (me) will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ...

by his grace...

b

The COST of Credibility...Can I Be Trusted?

Now, some more nitty gritty talk about the COST of my sins...

Specifically, the cost of ministry credibility & the ability to trust me again.

1st regarding whether or not I'll have a credible ministry again or not.

It seems there are 2 completely opposite schools regarding whether or not I should ever be in ministry again...Perhaps, I should say that I am familiar with there being 2 groups.

The group on one side - believe I get another chance at ministry.

The group on the other side, think my time is over...I no longer have a right to be in ministry.

1 group believes God's grace is the same for a me as it is anyone else.  The other group believes that the accountability is different & once I sinned, I lost my right to ever be in ministry again.

And I have to say, the lines are drawn.  There is no gray between the 2 opinions.  There is no switching sides...the sides are set & they are adamantly opposed to one another.  It's like the Hatfield's & McCoys...they not only disagree...it's not stretching it to say, some on one side don't even like those on the other side - all because of which side they are on regarding Bob.  I'm not talking about the public, or the un-churched...I'm talking about those in the church...

NOTE - Regarding those in the church & those not, they see 2 different stories played out as well.  One side sees my, or our, story as HOPE...then the other side, I simply gave them more ammo to the HYPOCRISY in the church.  Again, both are valid - depending on which side you are looking from.

So ya know, I've studied both sides...both are equally convinced that they are right.  As for me, I know which side I've always fell on with ANYONE, whether it was friends...family...staff... or ministers...it's nothing new, I've always been a grace giver...always will be.  However, it seems that receiving it (or allowing yourself to receive it) is a whole different story than giving it.

Both of these groups are comprised of friends...family...ministers...as well as people I've never met.  I can't argue for or against either side...I take it as it is now.  It's part of the COST.

But...I think that there's another issue at hand in this too.

And that's trust.

To me, Credibility & Trust, are like brothers...they go hand in hand.

Can I be trusted?  Will I sin again?  Is it only a matter of time - before something happens again?  These are NOW all valid questions.

As we all know, trust is a fragile thing.  Once broken, with anyone, it's hard to earn back.  And truth is, some never do and/or some never get the chance.

That's where I think a lot of people really land - can Bob be trusted...or "do I want to trust Bob again?"...or they just never go there - meaning trust was broken - end of story.  Truth is, trust has been broken, & with some, I'll never have a chance of earning it back at any level...not only in ministry, but at any friendship level as well.

That's the COST of my sins.  I gave all rights up to ask/expect/want people to trust me - ever again.

When you are a people person, like I am, that's where the loss is felt most in this area...knowing that there are people, once close to me...once in this together...once trusting me...& I ruined all that.  Knowing that, with many people I honestly care deeply about, there will not be a Sunday visit to see what's going on at Genesis...because of...Bob.

Though, yes, I was a full blown sinner...that doesn't mean my heart was all bad, or that I didn't or don't care about people that were in my life.  Actually, that would make it easier - having a cold & hardened heart...then I really wouldn't care or feel anything in this regard.  But, that's not what I feel at all...I feel loss.

So.

To the group that has taken the risk of trusting me again...or that has offered me a 2nd chance...Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I have learned that each & every one of you in my life (& Shawn's) is a gift...given back to me (us).  It remains to be seen what it will all mean...or why God allowed me to do this again...

To the others, it still kills me to know the hurt I caused so many of you.  I can't argue for my cause...as a matter of fact, I haven't & won't.  I don't think I have that right.  If you choose to come into my, or our, life at any level, I will cherish that opportunity.  If you choose not to, I understand.  I have to do my best to honor that, as part of the cost...to remind myself that I did this & you didn't...AND keep moving forward realizing this is how it will be - forever.

That's the COST of my sins regarding the ministry I feel God has called us back into.  It shows up at times on Sundays, when for whatever reason, I hope one of ya might come out...to see what God is up to...yet deep within, I know you're not coming at all.  It's part of the COST.

So, though God has been gracious enough to pick me up & allow me back into ministry...it will never be the same...ever.  It doesn't mean it will be ineffective or that it doesn't matter...it simply means it will never be the same.  It's part of the COST.

(Note - I fully expect Genesis to be an incredible ministry.  It already is - we are experiencing that every Sunday...God is definitely with us - again.)

peace

b

ps - I loved being your Pastor & I hate that I will never be that again...that's what I'm trying to say.

The COST in my Marriage. I Love you Babe.

Ironically, I thought that writing these blogs on COST would come quite easy...well, the 1st one - yes...so far, the rest - not so much.

So...I'll try for the xth time to write the 2nd COST...my marriage.

Yet, it's hard to go back to innumerate cost - because my marriage NOW is SO good...in wonderful ways.

But, at the same time, this blog series, is partly saying "this is the cost - don't do it."  So, I'd be amiss if I didn't talk about the cost of my sin in my marriage.

What did my sin cost me, Shawn & my marriage?

I think I'll get further by naming the areas I destroyed...rather than trying to explain them.  So, most of these will simply be line items...they speak for themselves.

The COST:

I destroyed Shawn's trust in me as her husband & as a man.  Rather than protecting her (in all sense of the word) I deeply hurt her (in all senses of the word).  I'll never forget what that felt like.

I crushed her heart.  The heart that is so full of love for me - that one.

I embarrassed her with all the people that knew us & even those that didn't.

I demeaned her as a lady.  She's never been anything but a lady.

I took her esteem & threw it out with my sin.

I devalued her as the mother of my children.

My actions, speaking louder than words, told her she was not loved.

I placed a big fat question mark over our entire marriage.

I jaded her.

I made her cry.

I made her sad.

I lied to her - many times over.

I'm sure if she was doing the typing right now, the list wouldn't end...but I think I'll end here.

So...

Where are we now?  Here's the irony...we, now, have the greatest marriage we have ever had - period.

We just celebrated our 25th anniversary...that's a miracle!

We worked through some extremely tough conversations...until healing was found.

We learned to be friends.

We do life together now.

We renewed our vows.

We are closer than ever - in all sense of the word.

Everything that was lost has been restored...and then some.

We are connected now at an intimate level within.

We know how to find the peace & work until we do.

We are in love.

We celebrate our love.

Our home is full of laughter...life...love...

We live in the light.

We honor each other in meaningful ways.

We are both happy & participate to make each other happy.

So...

Do I regret being such a crappy husband for so many years...absolutely.

But, truth is, God has helped me find healing in a place it never existed before.  That happened because of Shawn's incredible love...A God sent counselor...Some friends who never gave up on me/us...God's grace.  I am not that man I used to be...I am not the husband I was for so long...

I wish I could undo all the things I did...I can't.  But, I am so grateful that we made it through...

The best is yet to come.

Thanks babe.

I Love you.

b

The COST of Friends...I Miss You Guys

This blog can now be found at my new site - Journey

Here's the link to it thanks for reading it...mark the new site...

The COST...of Sin...My Sin...

So...

Lately a series of Blogs has been running through my brain regarding the cost of sin...in particular - my sin...

So, for the next several blogs I'll be writing about exactly that - the realized cost of my sin.

1st, I want to address nothing more than the subject of COST.

As idiotic as it may sound or seem, it's something you either never consider or you think you can cheat...or get away with...something like that anyway.  You just never really consider ALL the costs associated with the cost.  You never really think through all the costs...I'm not sure you can.  Maybe even if you do/could, you again lie to yourself & think you'll be able to cheat it again or something...I don't know - all I know is if you really really knew all the ways your sin would end up costing you - I don't think you could ever come to the conclusion of it being worth it.  Maybe that's part of the sin, it finds ways to lie to you...deceive you...lull you into a sleep...something, again, I'm not really sure.

The costs have been horrendous to be blunt.  And, horrendous is not a word that over states it either.

Some of the realized tangible costs have been:

Marriage.

Home.

Family.

Friends.

Public image.

Ministry.

Minister friends.

Opportunities.

Income.

Security.

Some of the Non-tangible costs:

Confidence.

Credibility.

Fearful.

Trust.

Uncertainty.

Second guessing.

Suspicious.

Love.

Joy.

Peace.

Harmony.

Note - this is not an exhaustive list.  It simply represents some of the things that are on my heart at this moment of the journey.  I'll take several of these in the days ahead & elaborate on them accordingly.  I'm not sure if I'll cover all of them or some of them.  But, it's definitely safe to say, that some of these are really on my heart & will definitely be covered in some detail.

I'm not really sure why some of them have gotten so heavy in my heart of late, but they have.  As this blog has largely been a part of the Journey I have taken towards healing & restoration...I feel that's part of what this is all about - healing.  Whether it's some things I need to say for myself or for others to hear, I'm not sure...time will tell.

peace

b

Labels Tell the Biggest Lie (by Mike Foster)

A blog I copied from Mike Foster (People of the Second Chance)

My dignity as Abba's child is my most coherent sense of self-- Brennan Manning

In January 1998, Monica Lewinsky found herself in way over her head. Her face was on the front page of every newspaper, and each new day seemed to bring one more humiliation.  She was 25 years old – and caught in a presidential sex scandal.  She had no idea what was coming.

Today, at the age of 38, she’s still caught.  Single, alone, and running out of options, she’s the butt of jokes, the object of stares – the easy sexual punchline.  Seventeen years later. 

Most of us are not former presidential interns.  Most of us haven’t had our decisions scrutinized by pundits and talk-show hosts.  And most of us haven’t had an affair with the most powerful man on the planet. We’re nothing like Ms. Lewinsky.  Or are we?

How many of us live with embarrassment about secrets that got out?  Or betrayal from past lovers and friends?  Or fear that someone will recognize us as a fraud?  Or hopelessness, brought on by repeated failures?  I’m willing to bet Ms. Lewinsky knows what that’s like, and I’m willing to bet more than a few of us do too. 

Those of us caught in embarrassment, betrayal, fear, and hopelessness are living with a label that lies.We live branded by things that happened years – maybe even decades – before. And as a society, we are 100% percent OK with letting that label stick.  

Maybe you’ve heard or said things like:

“He’s the pastor that...”

“Isn’t she the one that...”

“Remember, he's the pervert youth pastor that...”

In our desperate need to understand each other and place people in context, we attach permanent labels – usually from the dirtiest and most controversial part of the story.  Sometimes the label is attached to others, and sometimes it is a label we believe about ourselves.  Either way, the label lies, strips away our complex humanity, and falls short of describing who we really are.    

Grace is the second chance that erases labels for others, and it’s the permission to move on that we give ourselves. And yet, grace is so scarce.  It’s disappearing, and its disappearance is leaving an army of wounded “has-beens” and “screw-ups” in its wake. 

In grace’s absence, we instead choose to label.  Our culture thrives on devouring the Monica’s, the Haggard’s, and the Michael Vick’s, replaying their past mistakes for a quick fix of pleasure and entertainment. It makes us feel good to think that people have flaws worse than ours; it feeds the insecurity caused by our own labels.

So what can we do?  For one thing, we can stop kicking people when they’re down.  We can start skipping the water cooler, deleting the emails, and raising our voice on behalf of second chances.  When someone seeks to label another soul, we can speak up on their behalf.

We can start risking our own “personal brand” to encourage the downtrodden and defend life’s outcasts. In fact, People of the Second Chance was started to do just that – tear down the labels of a Vulture Culture and replace them with a culture of grace and second chances. 

Of course, this is all utterly impossible if we can’t rediscover our own identity in grace.  Giving someone a second chance starts with giving ourselves a second chance.  It means stripping away the labels that we wear and finding the truth of who we are in grace.  I’m sorry, but you can’t give what you haven’t first received. The strength to forgive others and forgive ourselves comes from finding our identity as the one God forgave first.  In the face of that grace, labels are shattered.  In the face of that grace, dehumanization crumbles.  And in the face of that grace, someone like Monica Lewinsky stops being the punchline.

Mike Foster is the Co-Founder/Executive Director of People of the Second Chance and is the author of Gracenomics: Unleash the Power of Second Chance Living.