To qualify this a bit - to say we were looking is a bit misleading. We only went to church 8 times in those 8 months. Not only we did we go only 8 times, we only went to 6 churches...returning to only 2 of them. For 6 of them, we knew when we walked out (or sometimes before walking out) that we would not be returning. At 1 of those churches, our youngest - Taylor, said in the parking lot on the way out, "please tell me that we never have to return to this church again". So, though it might be a bit misleading, it was a very real search none the less. What made it so real - was that we desperately needed to find a church. What made it so sporadic at best - was what we were finding when we did attend.
What actually kicked it "into high gear" (or it would have been about 3 or 4 churches) was Shawn saying "we needed to find a church for our family"...my exact response (with quite a bit of emotion (IE anger & frustration) was "tell me why...what do you think we need to find a church for?". Understand, my question to her was 100% sincere. I wanted to know exactly what she thought church had to offer...what she was missing...what we were missing.
Here's what we discovered that really mattered in both our search & the vacancies created by not having a church to call home.
We needed a body of believers that we could walk with. Something that went beyond anonymity and simply sitting in a seat & facing the front. We needed to get to know some other people who were trying to figure this all out...sins, struggles & all. There's something right about worshiping the God of Grace with others...something right...deep...profound. As you reach out to a God that reaches out to you. we needed corporate worship.
We needed the Word...taught with knowledge & insight to our world. I didn't need someone yelling at me or trying to teach the entire Bible in a given message. We needed to walk away with: something to either contemplate...something to work on...something to encourage us...just something that seemed like it came from the word of God. One reason this is so needed, is to challenge our own personal theology. If this is not challenged - we solidify the way we see it - be it right or wrong - we make what we believe, what we believe. So, we get stuck...I needed someone to really challenge me & help me get unstuck from some pretty deep "stuff".
We needed to gather as a family again...both as a couple & as a family. For out of those months - we went to church as a family - 2x...sad. It felt like the very roots of our faith were being torn apart. So, for not only me & Shawn, we needed to find a place as a family too. A place where you felt your kids - at that time they were 7, 16 & 19 - were going to get something out of going to church too.
I have to tell you - I'm one of the most critical church attenders ever...in some wrong ways. I am one of those that "grades" everything...a church didn't have a chance when I scored every little piece of the experience - no chance at all. So, when we figured out what mattered...we found a church. Ironically - it was meeting in a theater. Here's what we found in a nutshell...
Friendly people...they said hi - most times with a smile. But we worshipped together. There were times I didn't sing a sound - I just took it all in...worship...like a deep breath of fresh air - I was suffocating & didn't even know it until I got some fresh air. I'm talking about worship that allowed ME to connect to God...to feel the presence of God in fresh ways was desperately needed. Sometimes it was the singers...the talk before a song...communion...just something said or done at exactly the right moment - for me.
The Word was shared with incredible clarity. We walked out each week, talking about the message or some piece of it...or simply saying - "that guy can really teach". I love the word & needed to sit under someone that loved it like I do.
Now, understand, for me to call this church "home" - I still had to overlook some of the grades I placed on elements of the experience...some being the very pieces I just mentioned. But, when I chose to overlook some of the periphery - I found that the main thing was connecting with God & his People in real practical ways according to our faith. Once I got my eye back on the main thing - I found something meaningful in attending church again.
So, I (we) understand what it is to look for a church...I also understand what it's like to decide to quit looking & feel like it's ok...I also know what it's like to get back on track & most importantly, what it feels like to become part of a body of believers trying to figure out the God thing together...imperfections & all.
TIPS for those looking for a church...
- Be gracious while you visit churches, rather than critical...truth is - your critical approach might be turning people off to you & you don't even know it.
- Rather than concentrating on things you don’t like, affirm things you did like.
- Worship more than you evaluate. Enjoy how they experience God.
- Be thankful for the friendly people. However, saying hi is pretty easy...the real test comes if you "want in" their group.
- Pray for the church you visit rather than pick it apart.
- Don't "judge" a Pastor by 1 message...we all have an off day.
- Look for a church that will allow you to serve when the time is right.
- Don't waste your Sundays by not going somewhere. Be about the task of finding your church home.
- Keep in mind - God has a perfect place for you & yours. Allow Him to help you find it - imperfections & all.
Finally remember: You will not find a perfect church. A perfect church does not exist. You should have a few things in your mind that are most important to you. Look for those things and don’t worry about the rest. Part of the joy of being in a community is learning to live with the faults and frailties of others, just as they learn to live with you and your idiosyncrasies.
Hope this helps.
In love.
b
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