Red Sox Collapse...

For a number of years Ashton & I (or me & Ashton...?) & by default the Groves' home has been Red Sox fans.  If you keep up with baseball, you know they just had the worst fall in baseball history...not making the playoffs again in 2011.

But, that's not really what this blog is about.

Now that they didn't make the payoffs, what are the reasons being given for a team with so much talent  not being in the post season...

1 - As of today - they parted way with Francona, their Team Manager.  IE - the leader of the team.  Like it or not, leadership matters.  So, although Francona took the Sox to & won 2 world series, the leader is held responsible for some of the demise.  And, rightly so.  But, I'll tell ya now, I'm a big Francona fan...so, where he goes - I might have a new team next year...


2 - Team Chemistry is on the radar.  It's been mentioned that during certain events (I assume negative things) the team didn't jell together like great teams do.  Meaning, great teams come closer together in adversity - as a TEAM...not so great teams remain more individualistic during difficulties.  Ironically, when a great team overcomes difficulty, the ability to overcome is ALWAYS a trademark...apparently, when that doesn't happen, it too becomes a trademark.

3 - Conditioning.  Its now on the radar that there were several players not pulling their weight...not staying in top shape.  So, when called upon, they weren't ready for their role...not ready to play/battle...support...etc.

4 - Not focused.  Allowing other less important things to distract from the main thing.  So, their focus wasn't where it needed to be.

So...the reason I write is this - these are the same things that take you out of the game in most areas of life.

Leadership - whether in the home...job...church...nation...etc...leaders matter.

TEAM - we are better together than we are separated.  The Bible mentions this as well - "2 are better than 1...3 are not quickly broken"...

Condition - how many times have we needed to be ready for something in life & we weren't.  Whether a tough time or an opportunity.

Focus - one of the greatest weapons formed against us is distraction.  You can't go full speed when you are looking over there or behind you.

So, sadly the Sox are no longer the team they were just an hour ago.  They will pick up the pieces & try to learn "what really went wrong" & "how do we fix & prevent it" from happening again.

Isn't that exactly what we all need to do from time to time.

peace...

b

Show Me the Money...

Again - no surprise here - but times are tough.

They (the people who study this stuff) say that 1 of the top 3 reasons marriages end in divorce is financial.

As most of us already know, money is an issue - whether you have a lot of it or a little.  But, IMO, it's better to have more than less...

But, what I want to write about is this - how couples deal with financial troubles...

In our home, we have had to learn how to not allow finances to make things worse...and how to still enjoy the journey even though everything has to be about "affording it".  AND I'd like to share a few things that I think are imperative for enjoying life through difficult times.

1st - there can NOT be any division regarding money.  Specifically, I mean a "you did this" thing going on.  True as it may be, it just can't be like that.  One may have lost their job...quit...took a risk...started a business that didn't make it...on & on & on.  But, if you are planning on still being together after the financial crunch - you can't let money divide you.


NOTED - this is not easy, especially when you feel 1 is more responsible than the other for the trouble...However, you really have to ask yourself what your point is when you put all the blame on the other...It's a "so what now" kind of thing.

2nd - Open dialog regarding the financial reality is required.  Not only open, but honest.  I mean like "this is where we are right now" financially.  IMO, one of the hardest things to get a handle on is living within your new means.  Figuring out what the essentials are...needs v. wants...where anything other than needed money can be spent.  Because at the same time, though money is tight, some "fun" spending has tremendous payoffs...whether eating a simple dinner out together...taking a ride...coffee...etc.  Not all things are linear & therefore dialog is required.  Also, both accepting the reality is imperative, otherwise one will not accept the new limits while the other feels more pressure to make it all work.

NOTE - I do think the husband should carry most of the weight of the financial reality.  Meaning, if money has to be shuffled...bills have to be dealt with...late payments...who gets paid...etc... I think the husband should be the one carrying most of that.  It doesn't mean there still shouldn't be dialog...just that weight should be mostly on him.

3rd - Timing the Talks.  Sometimes the pressure is too high to talk about the money...So, give it a break...come back to it later...acknowledge the time is not good - but also acknowledge it will be talked about later.

4th - There has to be some new rules within the entire family.  That's tough!  How do you deal with it & yet not let the kids feel the pressure you're feeling?  To state "we are figuring it out" or "we don't have money for that right now" is one thing...to allow them to know the rest of the story is quite another.  Should the home know - yes.  Should they all feel the pressure - I don't think so.  If you can't deal with it, why should you put it on them?

5th - Do what you have to do.  If you don't have a J.O.B. - then your job is to get a job.  I know it's not easy - but at the same time - I've seen others get jobs...so they are out there...

6th - Don't freak.  Make good decisions...realize the future will be bright again.  The more your emotions rule in this - the worst your decisions will be.  Then there will be not only money issues - but relational too.  Minimize damage.

NOTE - Credit is not your money...so don't get more of it when you are out of your money.

7th - Stay faithful to God.  He didn't create this mess...so, don't blame Him nor walk away from Him.  One of the hardest things to do when money is tight, is to still give God his portion.  But, if you believe it like it says...

8th - Remember, it's only money.  If you lose it all - there is still life to live.

NOTE - No matter what Don't Quit Living!!!  Allowing your life to become smaller because of money is a mistake.  There are plenty of ways to still live on a budget or even without spending.

9th - When it's all said & done - Faith...Family...Friends are all you really have anyway.  Keep them close to you - the rest will figure itself out eventually.

10th - Both your G/gods will be revealed as well as your priorities & values during difficult times.  Your G/gods will be revealed by what or who you turn to...You will ultimately turn to whatever you believe in most.  (I wrote about this yesterday...).  Your priorities & values will be revealed by what you turn or walk away from.  You will find a systematic way of walking away from...turning from...getting rid of things that are less important, before you do the same with things that are most important.  Both of these will happen...whether systematically or randomly - they are already in you...tough times just force you to reveal them.  Ironically, some things revealed are not always pleasant...

I want to close this by saying - everything I just wrote is how we have had to walk through some very trying times financially.  Most of the things mentioned above, are from the lessons of things we have done right & from some things we have done wrong.  If you handle this area right (or better) it will actually bring you closer together AND help you get more creative in having fun together too - without having to always spend.

I hope this helps...And I hope it helps put things in a different perspective.

peace

b

Life Struggles...

I wanted to try & encourage a friend or 2 today.

I don't know about all of us...but for most of us - we don't like to struggle - me included.

However...there are things we can only learn when or after we struggle.

For instance, we will learn where we place our greatest trust when we struggle.  Because, after it all gets heated up, we will ultimately turn to what we think will most help us get through it or cope with it.  Whether it's God...the Bible...a friend...spouse...alcohol...drugs...something.  But no matter what - we will turn to it...maybe not initially...but eventually.  Ideally, we will turn to God.

We also learn a lot about ourselves in struggles.  We can claim to be strong...tough...whatever...but we really don't know what we're made of until we have to know what we are made of.  Because, we can fake it in the good times...blah blah blah stuff...But, again, when the heat is on, whatever is really in us will surface - good or bad.  We might find out we are stronger than we thought or we might fall apart.  But, it's a lesson on self no matter.

We will learn about those closest to us as well.  It's easy to have a friend when it easy...anyone can do that.  However, you already know - you find out who you're true friends are when the chips are down.

Life happens...some days it's good...some bad...some horrible.  We all face times that are uncertain...unfair...difficult...etc.

I know there are people that are : better off than me & worse off than me.  Neither one helps me when the tough parts of life are rocking my world.

The only thing I know to do is...

Stay focused...Pray...Lean on God & lean on my faith in Him...Find a scripture that helps...Trust in His Sovereignty...Listen to good advice & good music...Find ways to de-stress...Be honest in where I am with those I can really trust...Believe that this too shall pass...Hold On...

So, for my friends that are struggling...Know - you are not in this alone...and there is a brighter day ahead.  Like you, I just wish it would get here quicker too...but until it does - walk on.

b

The Mousetrap is None of My Concern...

A parable I ran across in studying today.  I thought it was worth sharing...

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package.  "What food might this contain?"  He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.  Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning to the other animals, "There's a mousetrap in the house, there's a mousetrap in the house!".  The chicken clucked and raised her head, saying, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me.  I cannot be bothered by it."  So the mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house!"  The pig sympathized but said, "I'm so very sorry Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray.  Be assured that you are in my prayers."  The mouse turned to the cow, but she said, "I'm sorry for you, Mr. Mouse, but it's no skin off my nose."

So the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.  That very night a sound was heard throughout the house like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.  The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.  In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.  The snake bit the farmer's wife.  The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.  Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.  But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with the farmer's wife around the clock.  To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.  But the farmer's wife did not get well and soon died.  So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

So the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it doesn't concern you, remember that when one of us is threatened, we all are at risk.  In the book of Genesis, Cain said about Abel his brother to our God: "Am I my brother's keeper?"  We are all involved in this journey called life.  We must keep an eye out for one another and be willing to make that extra effort to encourage and support each other - even when...

Dreams...

Today I had the opportunity to hear John Maxwell speak.

1st, let me say how much I just enjoyed being in that setting.  It's been a long time since I've had the chance, or maybe taken the chance to do so.  It felt good.  And to hang out with a few friends...good stuff.

John talked about dreams...not the "when you're asleep" kind of dreams...the "while you're wide awake" kind of dreams.  The dreams you have for your life...those kind.

Here are a questions he asked & a few points I took away...

1 - Is it your dream you are living.

If you are doing what you're doing for anyone other than yourself (speaking specific to a dream), you are living for someone else's dream - not yours.

Failing at trying, will make you better than making excuses for why you can't do it.  Failure is obvious - excuses are more subtle & can be very inebriating.

You have to be the 1st one to invest in your dream...before anyone else will or should.  If you won't take a chance on it - why ask someone else to.

If you can be talked out of your dream - you should be.  It says a lot about what you really thought about it & also lets you know - it really wasn't your dream.

2 - You have to see part of your dream clearly.

Like a 1000 pc puzzle, you may not see it all at once - but you should be able to see some of it as you work toward it.

A fuzzy dream cannot be achieved.

It's impossible to prioritize your life if the dream is not clear.  Clarity leads to priorities.

3 - Passion required.

Too often people are passionate about the dream & not about the journey to seeing it become reality.  It's easy to talk about the dream - anyone can do that...few people will remain passionate during the journey.

Passion causes you to be unreasonably energetic towards the dream becoming reality.  Nothing can deter...

4 - Am I any closer today than I was yesterday to seeing my dream become fulfilled.

The answer should be yes...maybe not an emphatic yes...but yes none the less.  If not, why not...what needs to change.

peace.

b

ps - thanks to my friend Jim for the invite to a great lunch & chance to hang out with some friends.

Grace, Forgiveness & other things like 'em...

So...

I've been thinking about this grace & forgiveness thing...

Biblical ideals we are all meant to embrace...not only embrace - but we will have to personally deal with in detrimental ways if we don't - according to the Bible.

I am/was someone who needed both grace & forgiveness in radical ways - not like we all don't. It's just that we feel better thinking someone else is a worse sinner than ourselves.  But either way, I needed (& need) both nonetheless.

Let me say, I feel like I'm a pretty good grace giver & forgiver.  Overall.  Not that I don't struggle with forgiving certain people...events...things said...sins...etc...but, overall I feel like I do ok with both...but I'm really struggling with what it means when I say I've forgiven someone.

What's that mean, to say I forgive?

Here's where I am on it.

To say to myself - or even to another person, other than the one I've forgiven, "that I forgive them"...what's that mean?  What's been accomplished?

Can grace or forgiveness truly live in a vacuum?  Can it really be something that's ONLY "said".  As if that completes the deal.  Is forgiveness really just a statement?  Is grace just an idea of good rather than harm?  

Do you see the flaw?  

Here's the rub for me.

It's a whole lot easier to say it (though getting to that point might take a lot of time & be extremely difficult) than it is to show it.  To show grace or offer forgiveness is a completely different story.  

IMO, forgiveness & grace are only about the forgiven, when EXPRESSED to them...or am I wrong?  Does it need expressed at all?  Is it about the forgiver or the forgiven...or both?

To express it means - I not only no longer try to harm them, I also no longer "hold onto things" inside...I wish for good...I pray for them...AND, if it's ever the right thing to do, I tell them "I forgive you"...Not in some "I'm doing you a real favor here" kind of way...in a real Jesus Christ kind of way that feels right in both the forgiver & the forgiven.  It's the whole "actions speak louder than words" thing.

Biblically, to forgive means to release someone of a debt...to let them go free of what you think they owe you...Albeit - they may really owe you.  To forgive means you choose to let them go free from that debt.

If I carry around - anger...bitterness...even something just short of "hatred" (again because I'm not allowed to hate - the Bible tells me so)...then how can I say I've forgiven?  Is there more to it or not?  I'm not sure.

The world is full of guilty...hurting people...sinners.

To let them know - we not only talk the talk - but walk the walk can literally change their life & their world.

Talk is cheap...AND at times meaningless.  I'm trying to know what to do or not do with "forgiveness".

People of the Second Chance.

b

Beyond Maintenance

One of the challenges I run into in my Spiritual journey is...not "going to Christ" only in crisis mode.

Meaning...

Having an ongoing prayer life - that is not always based on some crisis...or need.  If I'm not careful, I can allow most of my prayers to be "need based"...always asking for something.

Also, if I'm not paying attention, I read a devotional more than the Bible.  Partly because the devotional speaks to some area of "need" too.  Whereas, reading the Bible should be more of a discipline for learning not only in the bad times, but also simply learning the Word of God...by learning the Word, I also learn about Who he is...What he's like...How he acts or responds in given situations...etc.  If I spend time in the word - for me it seems more like it's because I really want to learn about Him.  Also, for me, I have to guard against going to the Word because Sunday's coming...and I better have something to say.

So, the place I am right now...is Learning to spend time in prayer - when all the stuff "I have to pray about" is over.  Learning to read the Word - because it's the primary means of getting to know more about God in my life.

Yup...

Taking this beyond crisis mode is a challenge...I am determined to press through & know what it means to KNOW Him more & more just because...

peace

b

I Don't Need Church - I Connect with God in Other Ways

One of the reasons people have for not going to church is "they can connect with God in other ways".  What that means is, they connect with God in nature...reading...being alone...relaxing...the ocean...woods...etc...






Let me be the 1st to say - I totally agree that you can connect with God in ways other than the church.  I LOVE being either in the woods (especially at sunrise) or on the beach or ocean.  I love sunsets - to me each one paints a picture of His beauty.  I love the cosmos...its infinity.  I love thunder & lightning...I love birds - especially birds of prey.  So, I definitely connect with God in nature, in many ways.  Not only do I connect, I feel I deeply connect with God in nature.  I feel He speaks to me, or that I hear Him while in these settings...sometimes in really profound ways.  So, if you have an "other than church" connection - I'm right there with you 100%...I get it.



But that's not the issue.  The issue is, should you ALSO go to church... The question is would God create an "other than church connection" for you that is meant to replace you going to church... The crux of it is, since God created the church for very specific purposes, would He give you an out from that design?  They are all rhetorical questions.  I think the answer to each question is obvious.

The bigger picture is, why don't you want to go to church.  What's missing in the churches you've been to that you didn't connect with God in any real way...or, what's your REAL reason for NOT wanting to go to church.  I think the real deal is: for whatever reason(s) a person has decided they just don't want to go to church...it's too messy...nosey...to much drama...too many hypocrites...being made to go as a child...something.  But, really beneath the "I connect with God by..." is a real reason for not wanting to go.

I think the real conversation should be about - why don't you want to go to church...not where you feel you have your God connections...for any & each of them should augment not replace the church experience.

To sit in the woods with God is a spiritual thing.

To go to church - also should be spiritual AND more.

To sit in the woods - I feel something...I think a lot...I think about deeper things...not only because I connect with God, but also, because I slow down long enough to contemplate more.

To sit in church - I should also think about deeper things in life AND more.

To sit in the woods - I have a very private interpretation of God.  No one challenges or corrects my theology.  I can believe whatever I want.

To sit in church - I have both a personal (not private) & public interpretation of God.  I am challenged in my thinking & corrected in my theology from the Bible.  I am taught to believe what the Word actually says.

Bottom line - church is God's idea - still.  I know this, God has not given anyone an out from having church as part of their faith journey.  It actually would go against His design & intent.  He created the church as a place for Him & people to meet together...He hasn't changed His mind on that.  It's still His MAIN way of connecting with people on a regular basis.

I don't have a great "you better get in church" argument for this area (I wish I did)...other than - you have to deal with the real reason for not going...Obviously, there could be a multitude of answers to why you don't go to church.  Once you focus in on the real reason, you can then talk it out with someone.

So, be thankful that God speaks to you in ways outside the church...but realize it's not meant to replace church.

in love...

b

9/11 - A day we will (& should) never forget...

A day we will never forget...

Unlike most days of our lives - we know exactly where we were that day...we know it was Tuesday too.

Let's all take a moment today & tomorrow to say a prayer...to reflect...to remember those that were lost that day & those that have been lost since in war...

Let's all strive to make the world in which we live a better place.

I Think...What Church is to Me...

So...we have made quite a journey into my thoughts of late regarding the Church and how it has somehow become less important to Christ followers.

So...let's take a left turn today.

I want to share a few thoughts on what I think about church...

I think church should be an absolutely incredible place.  Full of life...energy...excitement...buzz...something in the air - something you sense...feel...know.

I think everything done in church, should be done with excellence.  Not perfection - that's impossible.  Excellence to me means - the very best you can do with what you have at any given moment.  This gets rid of comparison...it's all about doing your very best every time...

I think every time we meet - there is an Eternal Consequence to us being there.  You never know who's there & what someone is or isn't dealing with.

I think church should be a place to - laugh...cry...struggle...win...thrive...anything other than - dislike or hatred...anger...bitterness...gossip...backbiting...etc.  If church is just a place for plastic faces - or worse - that's not the church I want to be a part of.

I think a church full of ONLY Christ followers is lacking.  We should have lost people checking out our claims...those furthest from Him are the most exciting when they allow Christ into their lives & they should be with us on a regular basis.

I think church should be about love...grace...mercy...hope...and more.  When the church is a place of criticism, negativity or judgment by the people themselves (or leadership) - what the heck?  Amazingly, we can even use scripture for this...It's just not the Jesus I read about or know.  The ONLY people he judged were the religious...sinners - he had dinner with, so he could redeem their lives. See next point...

I think lost people matter to God & should matter to the church.  Therefore, they should be invited & feel welcome when they get there.  I think we should plan Sunday experiences with them in mind.  IMO - most Sunday experiences are planned for those already convinced...not too many really think about those that have yet to come to meet Christ...

I think the Word should be taught with incredible clarity...so we can apply it to our lives when we leave. When the Spirit moves in it - it not only reaches the Followers...it reaches the "not yet convinced".  The Word reaches into places we cannot see & converts lives in ways we never could...I think the word should be allowed to do its job...as well as allowing God to do his too.  When we go to "trying to fix" people - we have crossed lines we shouldn't cross.

I think there are a lot of areas we call sacred that are more about us than about God.  If it's scripture - we have no business messing with it...if it's not - it's opinion at best & like they say - we all have one.

I think church should be so valuable that we don't want to miss it - at all.  Not in some cult sort of way - rather in what we get from it & what we give to it...knowing both matter deeply.

I think the church is a beautiful place -when the people of God all work together to make it so.  I also think too many take it for granted.

I think most people see the church as a place to attend as opposed to a place to become.  Again - it's an Organism not an organization.

I think too much anonymity exists in the church.  Though we attend (some), we really don't have to answer to any of it & it's too easy to not be there.

I think people should say goodbye if they are leaving a church to go to another.  Not to be talked out of it, I just think it's good to say goodbye...thanks...so long...or something.  IMO - to just walk away is wrong.  Also, it lets the Pastor know you left in good spiritual health & he/she can separate you from those he/she is worried about or praying for...those he/she doesn't know what happened to them.

I think EVERY Christ follower should be in a church - period.  Not just attending - involved.  Anything less - to me - is short changing: the person, the Church & God.

I think we all should be actively figuring this out.  It's far more important than we know.

I love the church.  Not the stuff...the people & the God that shows up.  I love the stories of the lives there.  I love watching people struggle through to a new life.  I love knowing that no matter how messed up some people are - they are there...trying.

Truth - I love the people that are most honest about where they are in life.  Those that show up each week - trying to go free...trying to find life...trying to make it another day/week...I love those that know they are messed up & yet are getting up every Sunday to fight another day for an inch of "more God" in their life/home/marriage/world.  Give me a church full of real people that know they need God & I'll feel like I am right in my element...sharing grace with those that need it & those that I know will share it when they find it.

in love

b

ps - I reread this & know there is a bit of redundancy - but I left it like it is...its how it came out & therefore it's how I'll leave it.

Why I Don't Go to Church

They (the people who study this stuff) say the top 3 reasons people don't go to church are: It's boring...it's irrelevant & all they want is your money.  I believe that's their reasons - but understand the people they are talking about are people that don't go to church...IE those that have never been or that don't see church as a part of their life.  The people they are NOT talking about are the ones that either go (somewhat) or used to go & for whatever reason don't now - yet know they need to.

That group probably doesn't go to church for a different set of reasons...yet, any or all of the 3 above could still be on the list.

Why do "church" people not go to church?

1 - Lazy.  Once you get out of the habit of getting up on a Sunday (or preparing to get up on Saturday) it's tough to get back in the habit.  Especially when you work a lot...feel like Sunday is your "only day off"...or something like that.  I was here for sure...once I got out of the habit - I didn't do anything but roll over on Sunday mornings...wake up sometime later & go eat at Cracker Barrel....justifying it partly because after all - we ate as a family & had a good time...as if that was an equal replacement for going to church.  Also, I think it's easier to not go to church - once you have convinced yourself & others in your life - that you are "just not getting anything out of going there".

2 - A life of Extremes.  What I mean is - I see people all the time who are very sporadic in going to church.  They miss going, for however long...then when all hell breaks loose they "are getting back in church".  Only to not make it a lifestyle...& they go right back to not going - again.  To me this is like going to the gym about once every 4 - 6 weeks & really working out hard - to catch up of course...then when you are so sore - you decide to not go because after all - it's hard work...then sometime later - you realize you need to go - so ya do...once...extremes.

3 - Not seeing it for what it is meant to be.  We typically see church as an event...something to attend on Sunday...as opposed to the group of people that make that particular church home.  Going to church should be more than an event in our life...it should be a full blown living organism rather than an organization.  Church should be about the people there & the God that shows up to meet with them each Sunday.  When we reduce it to "going to church" - seriously, who wants to do that?  I don't!  If church is nothing more than that - no one needs it.

4 - "I'm not getting anything out of it".  Really?  1st - if that's true 1 of 2 or 3 things are also true then.  1 - you are in a dead church...leave, knowing God will guide you to a place of life... 2 - you are there, by God's direction, to help it become a life giving source... 3 - Something is wrong somewhere...pray!  God cares about it more than you do...so asking Him to help is key.  If it's not true - then you are missing something big time, & truth is, you are full of it...& have become so dead (jaded) to what's going on that you are in serious trouble spiritually.  What would it be that you need to get over...ask for forgiveness for...what's the story in your life that has you stuck...feeling like "I don't get anything out of this".

5 - I got hurt.  Obviously, I understand that one...but the truth is, you can't allow a past hurt or breech of trust or...whatever it might be...to stop you from pursuing God's plan for your life...AND his plan includes you being a part of a local church.

6 - It's not the same.  Again, if you can't make it work "there"...then ask God where He wants you to go, but don't quit looking until you find a place to call home again...I promise He has one for ya.

7 - I watch TV for my church.  I love a couple TV pastors too...but they don't know me at all...never have - probably never will.  They have never reached through the TV set & gave me a hug...high five...hand shake...nothing personal - they just can't be their when I need them to be...for they are not my pastor.  God designed a church to be there for the good & the bad...we will all need both from time to time.

8 - They talk about money too much.  Agree - there are some places that put too much emphasis on money...but it's also true, if those that call that church home, would give like they are meant to - the talk would disappear.  Church costs money to run...just like anything else going on in the world.  God has a financial plan for it...we all need to handle this area accordingly.

Listen, church is God's idea.  He created it to be a place where He meets with people - just like you & me...to do incredible things there.  The local church is God's hope for the world.  It's the hospital...It's the beacon in the dark...It's the place where love should be shared...It's the place where we find grace...hope...love...whatever each of us need to face this world & win.

I've said it a few times in these writings - there are no perfect churches...But, there are churches that are real...where God is able to meet with the people there & do incredible things in their lives.

An old saying says "if you want to catch fish - look for the fisherman with the bending rods".  If you are looking for a church to attend - at least go to one that looks like something Christ would be a part of if He were picking a church...for truth is - He's already there!

No matter what you're reason for not going to church - realize finding a church to be a part of is far more important than you think...

in love

b

"Looking" for a Church

From May 2009 thru Dec. 2009 - we found ourselves in the category of "looking for a church".  A category we had never been in.


To qualify this a bit - to say we were looking is a bit misleading.  We only went to church 8 times in those 8 months.  Not only we did we go only 8 times, we only went to 6 churches...returning to only 2 of them.  For 6 of them, we knew when we walked out (or sometimes before walking out) that we would not be returning.  At 1 of those churches, our youngest - Taylor, said in the parking lot on the way out, "please tell me that we never have to return to this church again".  So, though it might be a bit misleading, it was a very real search none the less.  What made it so real - was that we desperately needed to find a church.  What made it so sporadic at best - was what we were finding when we did attend.


What actually kicked it "into high gear" (or it would have been about 3 or 4 churches) was Shawn saying "we needed to find a church for our family"...my exact response (with quite a bit of emotion (IE anger & frustration) was "tell me why...what do you think we need to find a church for?".  Understand, my question to her was 100% sincere.  I wanted to know exactly what she thought church had to offer...what she was missing...what we were missing.


Here's what we discovered that really mattered in both our search & the vacancies created by not having a church to call home.


We needed a body of believers that we could walk with.  Something that went beyond anonymity and simply sitting in a seat & facing the front.  We needed to get to know some other people who were trying to figure this all out...sins, struggles & all.  There's something right about worshiping the God of Grace with others...something right...deep...profound.  As you reach out to a God that reaches out to you.  we needed corporate worship.


We needed the Word...taught with knowledge & insight to our world.  I didn't need someone yelling at me or trying to teach the entire Bible in a given message.  We needed to walk away with: something to either contemplate...something to work on...something to encourage us...just something that seemed like it came from the word of God.  One reason this is so needed, is to challenge our own personal theology.  If this is not challenged - we solidify the way we see it - be it right or wrong - we make what we believe, what we believe.  So, we get stuck...I needed someone to really challenge me & help me get unstuck from some pretty deep "stuff".


We needed to gather as a family again...both as a couple & as a family.  For out of those months - we went to church as a family - 2x...sad.  It felt like the very roots of our faith were being torn apart.  So, for not only me & Shawn, we needed to find a place as a family too.  A place where you felt your kids - at that time they were 7, 16 & 19 - were going to get something out of going to church too.


I have to tell you - I'm one of the most critical church attenders ever...in some wrong ways.  I am one of those that "grades" everything...a church didn't have a chance when I scored every little piece of the experience - no chance at all.  So, when we figured out what mattered...we found a church.  Ironically - it was meeting in a theater.  Here's what we found in a nutshell...


Friendly people...they said hi - most times with a smile.  But we worshipped together.  There were times I didn't sing a sound - I just took it all in...worship...like a deep breath of fresh air - I was suffocating & didn't even know it until I got some fresh air.  I'm talking about worship that allowed ME to connect to God...to feel the presence of God in fresh ways was desperately needed.  Sometimes it was the singers...the talk before a song...communion...just something said or done at exactly the right moment - for me.


The Word was shared with incredible clarity.  We walked out each week, talking about the message or some piece of it...or simply saying - "that guy can really teach".  I love the word & needed to sit under someone that loved it like I do.


Now, understand, for me to call this church "home" - I still had to overlook some of the grades I placed on elements of the experience...some being the very pieces I just mentioned.  But, when I chose to overlook some of the periphery - I found that the main thing was connecting with God & his People in real practical ways according to our faith.  Once I got my eye back on the main thing - I found something meaningful in attending church again.


So, I (we) understand what it is to look for a church...I also understand what it's like to decide to quit looking & feel like it's ok...I also know what it's like to get back on track & most importantly, what it feels like to become part of a body of believers trying to figure out the God thing together...imperfections & all.


TIPS for those looking for a church...

1. Be gracious while you visit churches, rather than critical...truth is - your critical approach might be turning people off to you & you don't even know it.  
2. Rather than concentrating on things you don’t like, affirm things you did like.  
3. Worship more than you evaluate. Enjoy how they experience God.
4. Be thankful for the friendly people.  However, saying hi is pretty easy...the real test comes if you "want in" their group.
5. Pray for the church you visit rather than pick it apart.
6. Don't "judge" a Pastor by 1 message...we all have an off day.
7. Look for a church that will allow you to serve when the time is right.
8. Don't waste your Sundays by not going somewhere.  Be about the task of finding your church home.
9. Keep in mind - God has a perfect place for you & yours. Allow Him to help you find it - imperfections & all.

Finally remember: You will not find a perfect church. A perfect church does not exist. You should have a few things in your mind that are most important to you. Look for those things and don’t worry about the rest. Part of the joy of being in a community is learning to live with the faults and frailties of others, just as they learn to live with you and your idiosyncrasies.  

Hope this helps.

In love.

b

Mainly Consumers

OK...


Well, today I want to go a little further in church attendance...what I want to talk about is how we tend to approach church with a consumer mentality.  



Now I have to say 1st, I do & don't agree with this thinking.  I agree, in that we are going to always evaluate our "take away" from pretty much anything we do in life...church included...However, I disagree with how far we sometimes take that regarding church.  



Again I'm primarily speaking to those that have been in church for awhile & should know better, if we aren't careful, we can literally take the entire church experience on a Sunday morning & pick it to pieces...evaluating everything we "did or didn't" like about "that".  Evaluating anything from greeters greeting & where they are located...how long it took to check kids in...how loud the music was or the songs selected...the voices that lead worship...the message content...the bulletins...on & on & on...to where we leave having not really even thought about what going was about.


What I'm trying to say is - we can put any church experience under some grading system that few will ever get through.  Again, not that I disagree with this completely - but the degree & attitude some of us approach attending a particular church with can really put a block in the way of church being anything but something we do or don't like, rather than a place to worship God & learn His word...while doing so with other people doing exactly the same thing.


I see a couple real problems with this mentality...


1 - The lesser of these being, we can call a particular church "our church" & yet not go there because of...??? And we will have this "because" living in us & keeping us from really being there.  And, we get out of the habit of attending church on a regular basis...all the time calling a particular church "home".


2 - We can search for a church with such high grading standards that "no church" feels right...not ever finding one that fits what you're looking for...all the time - it being something probably not worth keeping you out of the church...and not considering if it's where God might want you to be.


3 - We can get tired of looking...eventually we just quit trying...because after all we can then say "I've  tried" - & then we either name a few churches or give the number of churches or how long we have been looking, as the proof for our non attendance.  Then, we feel justified for not going anywhere...because "we tried".


4 - We can compare every church experience to some past church experience...over & over & over again.  Then we say, "it's just not like..." or "it's not the same as it used to be"...


So possibly our search for the perfect place is futile at best...& even something used against us spiritually.


Truth is - there are NO PERFECT CHURCHES!  None.  


I think Christ followers would be better off if we really rethought this whole thing as church attenders...ID what church REALLY is meant to be about...then not get lost in the other periphery issues.  Plus, we would do well to realize some of the things we "see as not being what they should be", are areas we can help in - rather than an area to complain about.


Aside from all that...the Bible says we don't pick our church.  God picks the place HE wants us to attend.  I Cor. 12:18 says But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased.  So, we don't even get to choose where we do or don't go...God does.


more to say about this next time....specifically - what I think the Bible says we should be looking for in church.


again - in love.


b


ps - So ya know, I think every church should do everything they do, to the best of their ability, as if doing it for the Lord...we should never be satisfied with doing anything 1/2 way...period.  To overlook sloppy & call that spiritual is a slap to common sense...IMO.

Optional Church

For the next few days...actually I'm not sure if it's 2, 3 or 5 or more days - but for the next few I'm going to write some thoughts that are just swimming around in my heart about "church"...These thoughts are not new - they have been around in my heart for a while - I'm just ready to see where the writings go...


I'm calling this 1st one "Optional Church" not because of what goes on within a church body - rather than because what goes on within those that attend.  Optional, more specifically because it seems more & more Christ followers are treating church attendance as being optional rather than a given part of their faith.  I'm not talking about people that have never been a part of a church or those that are new & trying to figure it all out.  I'm talking about people that used to really be part of a church...people that it was just known in their life - they go to church on Sunday...not because of religion - rather because of them seeing attendance as part of their faith.  People, that if you ask them, I think they still would for the most part, consider themselves as grounded in their faith...serious followers.  Yet, something is wrong somewhere...


So, church attendance has become less important to many people...why?  


How can we seriously expect to grow in our faith without being a REGULAR part of a church body?  Perhaps we have forgotten that the church is God's idea & not ours...perhaps we have forgotten that the church is the "group" God ordained to make a difference in our life &  in this world...I'm not sure of the answer or I'd go straight to that, but I am sure that many are "ok missing" weeks on end and are not bothered at all by missing and also apparently don't see it as affecting their faith journey.  It's like church has become optional to their faith...as if getting up on Sunday & going to a church is not worth it somehow...what?


Did you know that us not going to church is a sign mentioned in the Bible?  We want to talk about the possible signs of turmoil...storms...wars...etc...but here's another & it's found in Hebrews 10:24.  It says "let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching."


So, if you are one of those Christ followers that has gotten to where going to church on any given Sunday is optional...what's up?  Is it you or is it something else?  Can we really afford to not go?  Has the church become so irrelevant to our faith - that it doesn't matter?  


Anyway - stick with me for the next several days & let's dig into this critical subject.


in love.


b