Warning - might be offensive to some. Hardhat & safety glasses required.
Some more stuff that just won't get out of my brain...
Friends. The subject has been swimming in my brain a lot lately.
But, it's the estranged friend thing that won't leave my thoughts...
The whole "we were born strangers...we will die strangers...but in between, we were friends & it was good" thing.
How's that all work? How does this whole friendship thing work? What is a friend? How do you know? What's real? How do you know? When is it worth it to really go after a friendship...when is it not? How do you know?
They say there are 3 types of friends in your life. Friends for a Reason...friends for a Season...friends for a Lifetime. I'm not sure if that's true or not...but it puts some things in perspective...it also muddies some things up too.
Like, how do we become such good strangers once we have been such good friends?
I know the answer for some is because someone (I or you) screw a friendship up...I get it - but that's still weird. To act like we never knew each other - ever again...weird. Maybe it's not...I don't know.
To make it even more weird - it's not that all "former" friends would be on this "missed" list...some would & some wouldn't. You miss some...some you don't. How's that work? Why are some missed & some not?
Then of course, there's that moment when your paths cross...at a store...the mall...restaurant...etc. That moment where you either: choose to fake some hello...and you both know you're faking... or you choose to act like you don't see each other. Either or both are weird.
Or, to make the choice to just not be friends...again weird.
What about when no one screwed it up...and you simply choose to not be friends again. I would assume there is a reason somewhere...but often it goes unspoken & you just walk away. Is that a "friend for a season" thing at work? Or is that just walking away at work? I don't know.
Then, what about, when you choose to not be friends with someone, simply because of who they are friends with & that someone you don't like...Now you're really getting weird. I've even seen family just walk away from family...why? How can that be? How can anyone feel OK about that? I could get specific here - but I won't.
I get the friend for a reason thing. That's easier to understand. It served a purpose...it's over. Neither got too close...move on. It's the others, friends for a season & friends for a lifetime, that are just not easy to get over or figure out, not easy for me anyway.
So, if we run into each other...or if you run into a "former friend"...we will all fake it I'm sure. Either fake some superficial hello...pointless talk to act like we are OK (though we both know - we aren't)...Or we will act like we didn't see each other...that seems easier at the time...still weird though.
So, it seems, the easier way to handle this is...whether family or former friends, we will be careful not to cross paths...and if we have to be in the same place - we will do our best to make it at a different time...that way we won't have to fake anything...but we will both know.
I have no idea how we will handle this in Heaven. I'm sure there's enough room there - it shouldn't be a problem...I hope it's not weird.
peace...
b
1 comment:
Interesting. I recently had to go through this because of a decision our family made. In our case I decided to have a conversation in love that allowed all involved to give their "side" and we moved on. I say that much more lightly than I mean to. There were many valid emotions on both sides. In this case "moved on" meant away and on without one another. It was very peaceful to handle it the "right" way. Still it was sad to say goodbye but hopefully it took away the "weird" from future encounters. I know this can't always happen because of egos and the fact there are two parties involved but I have done it both ways and it was so much easier knowing I had done everything I could.
There are many people who don't speak to us any longer and it hurts (some more than others). I am hopeful we remember that pain when it may be time to walk away from others and that it keeps us honest with them.
What I have discovered is that there are people who are truly investing in you and your friendship and there are others who are not. Learning to decipher the true friends by their consistent actions and as importantly
who I value as a friend by MY actions
enables good decisions. I know who I can share my heart with and who I probably should not reveal it to.
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