The COST of Credibility...Can I Be Trusted?

Now, some more nitty gritty talk about the COST of my sins...

Specifically, the cost of ministry credibility & the ability to trust me again.

1st regarding whether or not I'll have a credible ministry again or not.

It seems there are 2 completely opposite schools regarding whether or not I should ever be in ministry again...Perhaps, I should say that I am familiar with there being 2 groups.

The group on one side - believe I get another chance at ministry.

The group on the other side, think my time is over...I no longer have a right to be in ministry.

1 group believes God's grace is the same for a me as it is anyone else.  The other group believes that the accountability is different & once I sinned, I lost my right to ever be in ministry again.

And I have to say, the lines are drawn.  There is no gray between the 2 opinions.  There is no switching sides...the sides are set & they are adamantly opposed to one another.  It's like the Hatfield's & McCoys...they not only disagree...it's not stretching it to say, some on one side don't even like those on the other side - all because of which side they are on regarding Bob.  I'm not talking about the public, or the un-churched...I'm talking about those in the church...

NOTE - Regarding those in the church & those not, they see 2 different stories played out as well.  One side sees my, or our, story as HOPE...then the other side, I simply gave them more ammo to the HYPOCRISY in the church.  Again, both are valid - depending on which side you are looking from.

So ya know, I've studied both sides...both are equally convinced that they are right.  As for me, I know which side I've always fell on with ANYONE, whether it was friends...family...staff... or ministers...it's nothing new, I've always been a grace giver...always will be.  However, it seems that receiving it (or allowing yourself to receive it) is a whole different story than giving it.

Both of these groups are comprised of friends...family...ministers...as well as people I've never met.  I can't argue for or against either side...I take it as it is now.  It's part of the COST.

But...I think that there's another issue at hand in this too.

And that's trust.

To me, Credibility & Trust, are like brothers...they go hand in hand.

Can I be trusted?  Will I sin again?  Is it only a matter of time - before something happens again?  These are NOW all valid questions.

As we all know, trust is a fragile thing.  Once broken, with anyone, it's hard to earn back.  And truth is, some never do and/or some never get the chance.

That's where I think a lot of people really land - can Bob be trusted...or "do I want to trust Bob again?"...or they just never go there - meaning trust was broken - end of story.  Truth is, trust has been broken, & with some, I'll never have a chance of earning it back at any level...not only in ministry, but at any friendship level as well.

That's the COST of my sins.  I gave all rights up to ask/expect/want people to trust me - ever again.

When you are a people person, like I am, that's where the loss is felt most in this area...knowing that there are people, once close to me...once in this together...once trusting me...& I ruined all that.  Knowing that, with many people I honestly care deeply about, there will not be a Sunday visit to see what's going on at Genesis...because of...Bob.

Though, yes, I was a full blown sinner...that doesn't mean my heart was all bad, or that I didn't or don't care about people that were in my life.  Actually, that would make it easier - having a cold & hardened heart...then I really wouldn't care or feel anything in this regard.  But, that's not what I feel at all...I feel loss.

So.

To the group that has taken the risk of trusting me again...or that has offered me a 2nd chance...Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I have learned that each & every one of you in my life (& Shawn's) is a gift...given back to me (us).  It remains to be seen what it will all mean...or why God allowed me to do this again...

To the others, it still kills me to know the hurt I caused so many of you.  I can't argue for my cause...as a matter of fact, I haven't & won't.  I don't think I have that right.  If you choose to come into my, or our, life at any level, I will cherish that opportunity.  If you choose not to, I understand.  I have to do my best to honor that, as part of the cost...to remind myself that I did this & you didn't...AND keep moving forward realizing this is how it will be - forever.

That's the COST of my sins regarding the ministry I feel God has called us back into.  It shows up at times on Sundays, when for whatever reason, I hope one of ya might come out...to see what God is up to...yet deep within, I know you're not coming at all.  It's part of the COST.

So, though God has been gracious enough to pick me up & allow me back into ministry...it will never be the same...ever.  It doesn't mean it will be ineffective or that it doesn't matter...it simply means it will never be the same.  It's part of the COST.

(Note - I fully expect Genesis to be an incredible ministry.  It already is - we are experiencing that every Sunday...God is definitely with us - again.)

peace

b

ps - I loved being your Pastor & I hate that I will never be that again...that's what I'm trying to say.